You Don't Know Me

You see shadows, a reflection in a mirror when you gaze in my direction. Shadows on the wall, misdirection. You perceive what I show. Your own psychological projections color every interaction we have ever had and at that moment I become a reflection of you, reflected in your mind's eye.

So often I see people assuming that they know another's motivations, their psychological quirks, that they have figured out the how and whatfors for other people. It's yet another line of bullshit we feed ourselves mentally. Our myopic point of view takes over and it cripples any ability to rise above others, to truly understand the motivations behind another's actions.

I attempt to discern through the bullshit people throw out. I want to understand the motivations behind actions, myself or other people's. I was programmed at birth and throughout my entire childhood and I want to rewrite that programming, figure out if a thought I have, an action I take is motivated by what I have referred to as my 'core self' (which in a twist of irony may not really exist, cut through more layers and all you find is more layers) or if it is that programming.

Other were programmed as well and I am rarely seeing them as they truly are. I am getting glimpses, what they deem worthy to share. I am getting their projections, their mask, their manipulations when they interact with me. I am seeing shadows and rarely glimpsing the real person underneath all that.

I do find that humans at large, even myself, are strictly selfishly motivated creatures, that embody might is right even if they don't realize it or believe it's a valid principle. Most want me to conform to what they find acceptable and when I defy those expectations I get the joy of isolation in return.

Some want to believe their own hype, their own self perpetrated and created lies. They serve them, they let them be the master of their own story, the star of the show. The sun the entire World revolves around, the God of their own little mental universe.

I see people blame others for everything. It's not their fuck up, it's the World not understanding their greatness. The biggest lie of all is that most people tell themselves that they are infallible and if something happens not according to plan, it's the fault of someone else.

This is one I struggled with for years. The idea that I am fallible, that I fuck up, that I am to blame most of the time when the shit hits the fan. I could have acted or reacted differently. Satanism provided me with this epiphany actually, the fact that accountability is what separates me from them in a meaningful way. That I want to own my thoughts, my reactions, my life. That I want it to be my Will that decides what happens next, not the whim of the World at large. See when you have accepted the special snowflake, infallible mindeset others operate under you have given the society at large and others power over you. By throwing the responsibility for things on to other people you have given the power over you. You have become a pawn, a chesspiece to by moved around, never accountable but powerless as well.