Fear is like a pack of dogs- it chases us, and if we try to run or hide from it the dogs will continue their chase until finally, exhausted we fall and are devoured. - Gerry Spence
In life few things are more feared then rejection. It ranks up there with fear of public speaking, heights, spiders and other numerous things that go bump in the night for the human psyche.
Now I like anything that says take action against these fears, it's a mode of operation for me. I fear it, I will fucking conquer it. Enter rejection therapy, something I find utterly fascinating.
It's basically a game you play with yourself. You resolve to do something to get rejected once a day. The end result being you conquer your fear of rejection. There are cards, apps, etc to give you a jumping off point on things to do daily to get rejected. I would say just go into sales and your rejection card will get filled up real fast, but I guess that misses the point or something. ;)
There is a guy on Youtube that is covering his journey through this form of therapy. The results are hilarious, enlightening, and show a glimpse of humanity doing what humanity does.
I have a friend who is a well.... jackass. There is a homeless woman who hangs out at a McDonald's that I frequent. I like their coffee. Anyway, one of the regulars that comes in there bought her a coat and put a 20 dollar bill in the pocket for her.
My friend proceeds to go the fuck off over this. Says he's going to go to the owners of the McDonald's, accuse her of prostitution and get her thrown out. While he's going off, I said, "This is not cool. She didn't do anything to be banned over."
He says, "Put my six years of coming in here up against your three months and see who stays and goes."
Wait what? Your exerting your McDonald's power over me? So I shot off an email to the owners notifying them that this asshat was digging cups out of their garbage, never bought anything, screams shit at their customers like, "I wish you would die in a car accident", and that this homeless woman was not a prostitute.
The whole incident got me thinking about power and how often we cling to power that is worthless. I have been guilty of this myself. Thinking that some power I had been given somehow made me more that I really am.
What would power that actually matters look like? You can be the King or Queen of the McDonald's and have a life that is essentially worthless. You can be leaving no mark on history whatsoever and be tied up in the power you have at your job. Will other people give a shit when you die?
All of us swim in a sea of ideas that are commonly accepted. All of us have thoughts in our head that aren't really our own. Isn't the most powerful thing one can do is recognize that and attempt to root that shit out? Power should be a personal thing and have everything to do with actually exerting control over yourself.
That may sound easy but it isn't because of the thoughts all of us have that aren't questioned, because of the commonly accepted truths all of us hold dear. I recently learned that people don't treat you how you treat them. You do nice things for others and you get viewed as a mark, not a person that should be treated well.
It's a dawning realization because "Do as to others as you would have them do unto you", is such a commonly accepted concept. I have always kind of bought the idea.
Truly having power is testing these things to see what holds up.
My husband (and me) have a new friend. A crotchety old man who is 60. His name is Mike and he is awesome. Here are some quotes from him so you 'get' why:
I am a Commie, Atheist, Jew hating, nigger hating, spic hating fuck 'em all.
Jesus killed more people than Charles Manson. Read the bible, it's in there.
Why the fuck should I care? I'm old.
I want them to hit me. I will either die or sue them. (when he is standing in the middle of the road)
Old bitch.
Fat bitch.
Ugly motherfucker.
When I die I am going to be standing on the left side of Satan saying, 'that's right torture that motherfucker more. He went to church every Sunday.'
Of course I fleece churches it's what they're there for.
I'm in Hell.
I look like I'm dead. Women my age look worse. I have no choice but to be a pedophile. Old women are disgusting to look at. Could you imagine fucking one?
I tell those young fuckers hit me, you'll just get an extra charge.
I can't reason with that guy I'll just start screaming fuck you at him. That's why I asked Set to talk to him.
What's wrong with me? G. asked me if I feel any guilt about what I do and I said no. Why the fuck would I?
Look there's no cameras in that part of Kroger. All I gotta do is walk in, grab the Caramel cake and walk out. That security lady couldn't keep up with me.
I want her to puke in a cup and I will drink it. That's love right there.
I wonder if J's parents (she's 17) would rent her out to me. I won't do anything, I'm a gentleman.
It's like there's angel Mike on my left shoulder and Devil Mike on my right shoulder. The problem is Angel Mike is a pussy and Devil Mike's ideas make more sense.
So an election has come to a close, Obama has won and all of America is holding hands... oops I mean more divided than EVER.
Whole thing makes me sick to my stomach on both ends, watching both parties. Funny thing people who voted for Obama, you are celebrating another person's victory, you are celebrating another person's success and claiming it as your own. Republicans, same thing to you, you are mourning another man's loss, another man's defeat. The only people that should be celebrating or whining are Obama and Romney.
Does the whole political machine effect me? Fuck yeah. Does the fact that Obama won a second term primarily by using white guilt and handouts to get votes piss me the Hell off? Yep. Am I worried about the future of my country now? You bet your ass I am.
But....
Nobody is addressing the real issues America faces. Nobody is the fix or the solution to the problems America faces. I heard a talk radio host say that if Romney had been elected America would have fell of the financial cliff in 5 to 8 years with Obama he gives it 2 to 4. Yeah pretty much.
Nobody wants to talk about shit like the Federal Reserve. Nobody wants to admit a single truth and one that defines a large part of my political stance, I didn't wake up in a country that even remotely resembles the shit that was laid out in the Constitution. I wasn't born into a Country that remotely resemble the blueprint the Founding Fathers gave. I highly doubt I ever will.
They use these words to beat you into submission. Freedom, Liberty, Justice, Hope and Change. Freedom is not handed out by ANY Government, it's fought for and it's Individual. That one word pisses me the Hell off as most people use it. It's been redefined to mean, "Freedom as long as the other person agrees with me, and tows the line the Government has given them."
Fuck that. Fuck you if you buy into the idea that the USA has done anything other than steal your freedoms from you at a wholesale level. Fuck you if you think all would of been better if Romney had been elected. Fuck you if you think Obama is some kind of fucking savior.
It's a goddamn shell game, a method of distraction so you don't see the simple truth: you don't live in a country even remotely resembling what the constitution laid out. What happened to States Rights? I should be able to say, "Fuck these pansy ass liberals" and move somewhere that is inline with what I believe, what I feel my own community should be like. Why, beyond the Constitution does a Federal Contract exist in the first place? Do you even ask yourself questions like this? I do.
Did I vote? Hell yeah I don't want my Great Grandmother to haunt my ass. ;) She lived through women getting the right to vote and had a real fear that is women didn't vote, the Government would take that right away. So... I vote for that reason alone. I do think that what happens on a local level matters more than who sits on the fucking throne, oops I mean who is 'elected' President.
I do love MY country. I don't love the fucking bullshit nanny state I was born into. When I read the Constitution, letters that the Founding Fathers have written, etc I want to live THERE. THAT Country sounds cool as fuck. It would be kinda like organized social anarchy. But this shit that America is right now, don't make me fucking laugh.
All of you are joke and make me ashamed to be an American. You tow the line but don't try to break it. You want Freedom but only as your politicians say you should have. You don't fight for those three little words that are the very essence of what this country is supposed to represent, Freedom, Liberty and Justice.
If your vote counts why does the fucking Electoral College exist to begin with? The Electoral College effectively takes out ANY chance a third party candidate has of making it into office. You just voted in another puppet and think you exercised a Freedom.
How do you judge your superiority? Is it based on other people or being better than you were previously?
I see the former a shitload on the internet. People who say well I am better, I am superior, I am the highest embodiment of life, because I am better than you. I find this to be an ultimately self defeating mindset to operate under.
Why? Some other motherfucker out there is stronger, bigger, faster and smarter than you. Fact. You are not the biggest, baddest and strongest their is in the entire World. None of us are.
I tend to see the concept of Might is Right or Will To Power in a more compartmentalized fashion. What I mean is that for each area of life, what is stronger triumphs over what is weaker. So the better looking woman wins the looks contest, while the stronger man wins the strength contest. You get the idea and none of us are going to post all tens across the board.
So you can see yourself as Superior because you are better than a bunch of other idiots out there. You can, once again, derive your sense of self from others, even if it's from a Superiority stance.
Or you can turn that inward, invert this idea and use it to shape yourself, to evolve yourself somehow. Are you Superior to the old you, the you that existed a week ago, a month ago or a year ago? Are the results of what you engage in tangible? Can you see the effects of the physical exertion? Do you think in a different way, have you learned something more about yourself from an experience you have had?
If not, you are the same old monkey you have always been. You aren't Superior, you're just another person deriving their sense of worth from others while mouthing off.
I KNOW I am Superior to the old me. Hell, I am Superior to the me that logged on to the interwebz two years ago. I find the old me (from two years ago) to be a high maintenance, whiny, ass kissing, pseudo intellectual little bitch.
I have said it before, when I am looking at others, I really only look for one thing, an evolution of thought to be occurring. This is tangible, even via the interwebz. You can read someone else's opinions change, you can see the results of an Adversarial Praxis in play, even if it is just via what they write.
That's what I tend to respect, those people where I see that evolution. Those are the people that have always made my respect list. If you make my shit kicking list, it is for one reason: I don't see it in you. You are at the same place, spouting the same shit you did the moment I met you.
Either do the work or GTFO. Make yourself Superior to the old you, period. Being Superior to the average jackass is easy. Doing the work to change yourself, to understand who you really are, breaking the chains you have on your psyche is way more fucking difficult.
So I finally watched Watchmen (I know, I know catch up FS). Now while I found the movie thoroughly enjoyable, I found the ending well thought provoking, especially in relation to the average persons need for authority.
If you've seen it you get what I am saying. Asshole motherfucker who wants to be the next Alexander The Great pins his blowing up of a shitload of major cities on John, a guy who is basically a God. John's gonna kill his sorry little ass, but then he turns on the news. Russia and the US and every other country now looovvvveeeee each other because they are united against this new common enemy, a guy who can destroy everything.
Now on a larger level what is the message of this movie? That the average person needs a wrathful, vengeance seeking God looking down to stop them from doing stupid shit? That all of humanity will destroy each other and themselves without an authority figure to stop them.
In a secular society what that authority is now is easy to see. The big brotherish government that has developed. With its satellites, databases, etc tracking our every move, keeping an eye on us, throwing people that are somehow unfit for this society into prisons or crushing them under the wheels of poverty, degradation, and forced slavery. Without money one cannot survive in the average Western society so all of us have to do a little slave time. Or suffer a fate that can be worse than death.
I see that a good deal of humanity needs this authority, that it has always existed, will always exist and acts as a way to balance the bloodthirsty, selfish, savage beast that humanity really is.On a mental level its concepts infect our minds on such a level that leaving its influence is truly an impossible task. The machine, that wrathful vengeful authority figure is in our head, not just 'out there' trying to hold us all down.
Then there's Rorschach. A character that is well awesome. In the face of this event occurring he refuses to just keep his mouth shut and roll over and allow the little wannabe Alexander win. He refuses to just stand by while John takes the blame for something he didn't do in some sick attempt to pervert human nature. He says, 'Never compromise even in the face of Armageddon.' He walks away to let others know what happened.
Of course John just waves his hand and turns him into a bloodsmear. However, I find the death in that movie to be a real hero's way out. To refuse to allow this shit to go down. He knows he's going to die (him screaming DO IT is haunting to say the least), he just doesn't care, he finds it something worthy to die for. To decide to allow humanity to be what they really are, even if they destroy each other.
I find a little lesson there. The 'enemy' is literally unstoppable, to big to ever really go down, but... it's necessary to question, oppose, say fuck you to these authority figures. Not because of anything more than it needing to be down.
Was Rorschach an idealist? Yeah, I think so. However, considering he's the only motherfucker willing to stand up for those ideals he has makes him the one I want to emulate, the one I want to be just a wee bit like. Could I stand up to some big blue, God d00d that can wipe me out with a flick of his finger? Could I stand and stay by my convictions in the face of sudden death?
That's what I am left with from watching this movie.
Some view it as meaning I can do whatever I want to, a kind of Super Special Individualism. Me? Not so much.
I view it more as a way to say, 'Hey, I seek out adversity, I seek out conflict, I actively engage in things that I want to avoid, that I personally find ugly, gross, awful and distasteful, just for any knowledge I can gain from that. A path to nowhere. One with no end goal but personal insight.
So is it fun? Or glamorous? Hell no. It's all about rolling in the dirt of life. It's all about standing up after you get knocked by life so hard you can't think straight.
I was a badass in my head until someone got the better of me. Until I actually had some motherfucking man get me down on the ground, squeezing my arm as hard as he could while leaning into my face saying, 'don't move or I will break your arm.' Starting to choke me and saying, 'I will kill you.'
I am victorious because I am typing this. I survived, I still breathe air. However, I did die a little that day. I suffered a 'little death.' A perception of myself as something I am not was killed. A perception of the World being a certain way was annihilated.
That's the point behind the Praxis, to suffer little deaths. To learn more about yourself. To learn more about the World and its savage, brutal nature. To find strength in yourself, to cut out weakness. To not be,complacent or comfortable.
I do know what the philosophers say about this and that. I know what the Satanic heavy hitters write. Do their words matter? No. What matters are my own conclusions about things. What matters are what I find to be true based on what I experience in my own life.
While the path is never ending and full of endless strife, it reflects a truth about the World most hide from. I have always found the most significant association Satan has is Lord of the Earth.
This is why:
Is Heaven and God not another way to say that which is borne of the mind? That which Faith, hope and trust is put in? The manufacturings of one's mind? That which is not of Reality?
Meanwhile the Earth is there to view, to experience, to understand. It's Reality. Dark, savage, brutal, impossible to fully experience, but still there. Timeless and in spite of its savagery beautiful.
Welcome to Reality. At least that's my own Personal end goal. To see things a little less through my own perspective and get a grasp on what the World, Humanity, etc is REALLY like.
Why? I am a pessimistic/optimist. I see myself in a very, very negative light and others, the events that surround me, etc through a positive, all people are innately kind and good scope. I know, I know but bear with me.
Now, I know all about WtP, etc but I just don't see others in a 'this person wants to exert their own power over me, this person wants me to bow to their desires' way. *sigh* After my latest foray into doing something outside the norm and something radical, I can see it now.
I have dealt with people man handling me to try to intimidate me. I have dealt with people throwing money (money is power after all) in my face as an attempt to gain sexual favors from me. I have had people steal from me. I have had people lie to me, just continuously.
I tend to take others at face value. It's a basic thing, everybody lies constantly. Some don't even realize they are doing it. They have lied to themselves at such a level they really believe what they are telling me. Due to that knowledge, I tend to just let things go.
I don't walk around thinking, 'Oh this motherfucker is gonna hurt me,' or 'Oh this motherfucker just wants something from me.'
Now I see that it's the way I lie to myself. I assume that others are being 'real' somehow. I assume others are not out to get theirs, even if they have to kick MY teeth in to do it. I assume others are going to follow through with what they say.
And it's a lie. People suck. I think it may be a Societal thing. Everything can seem so safe inside that little bubble. Everyone can seem so benign through that particular looking glass. So, I bought it. I may be at imminent risk of having some motherfucker blow my head off at any moment, or rape me, or torture me, or steal from me, but I can ignore it as long as I am inside that safe little bubble.
I can even say, well I have Self Defense training so I am safe. I am armed so I am safe. Not true, you get the right kinda motherfucker coming after you, they don't give a good goddamn how tough my teeny white girl ass thinks she is. They just want to take, they just want to exert that dominance over me somehow.
Now, I want to know these things, but the cost feels to heavy at times. If I really, really ask myself was I happier, did I feel safer before I started sticking my head in the lion's mouth for pleasure, the answer is an enthusiastic Yes.
Now, I am kinda scared, I feel like I live in a World full of this weird kinda innate cruelty, and that it wants to come after me, it DOES come after me just as hard as everyone else. That I am no more protected from that than the clueless, laughing little blonde Barbies I see.
Hell no. This is a line in Nashville for Homeless people to get a hot meal. It's called Bridge Bunch and the location is one of the former 'hiding places ' for the Homeless to sleep.
Revitalization my ass. The economy is doing better? Yeah fucking right. Homelessness is at an all time high in Smashville, home of pretension and broken dreams, home of the Hopeless.
Sometimes you have a moment so fucking profound it's almost impossible to put into words.
So here's the scene... I am at a Music In The Park thing. Local bands playing live music. I get there and the first thing, in fact the most noticeable thing is this black guy. He's the only person dancing. He looks well ... wild in comparison to your average sheeple. Long hair, combat boots, etc.
Now I am a people watcher. And I notice the reaction of people as they walk past him. They either stare or pretend he doesn't exist. Looks of disgust are thrown his way. Every once in awhile he gets a hug, like he's the token freak.
As I watch I notice something else. He's into it, he's happy. Is the average person there? No. They are distracted. Clutching their cellphones, yelling at their kids, just completely disengaged, completely miserable, completely blah in comparison.
I say to my husband, "Look. He's the only Individual here. He's the only one in the moment. " So he starts watching. Idiots that dye their hair green to be nonconformists, ignoring or being disgusted at the only person doing their own thing, LOL.
So, a new band comes up. I get up when they start. I am going to dance to. There's a fucking area for dancing for fucks sake. So I danced. I just let go, I just let the music move me as well. I 'get over' my instinct to just sit like everyone else.
Here's what's funny. Within five minutes two little girls join me. Then more. I open my eyes and one point and see five little kids standing in a line staring at me. I smile and keep dancing. They dance, I dance, awesome ass black dude dances. Parents start encouraging their kids to dance as well.
A little boy starts whooping for the band. I develop a fan in a red headed man. He smiles at me, claps for me, whistles a few times.
It is a 30 minute moment that can only be described as Numinous, almost holy in nature. I can't describe the emotional response I had. I was fighting back tears at the beauty of this moment me, this man and these children are having.
I get done and am emotionally rocked. Questions fill my mind. Why children and not adults? Why did I get a different reception than he did? Why did people quit viewing him as a freak when I got up? Why did adults sway on their blankets, rather than dance?
It was a reflection of a fundamental fact... One person does something ANYTHING out of the norm, they're crazy. Two or more, a movement of sorts.
Now I deal in Darkness. In Hell on Earth at times. In things that shake the psyche to the core. But this, this dancing was the same way. A 'positive' psychological shakeup. A stepping outside of the normal in favor of doing what I want.
I said to the guy afterwards, "You made my day." He told me I made his as well. Asked me if I was coming back. I said yes.
When I watch my daughters play with other little girls, I begin to think about the Female Archetypes that exist. See, girls play less aggressively than little boys do. They imitate being mommies, they pretend to be Models, they play with Barbies and dolls.
It makes me wonder how little girls played when some of my favorite Archetypes were part of their Society's structure. Goddesses like Inanna, Ishtar, Artemis, Athena, etc. Were girls as aggressive as boys when a Female Warrior Archetype was accepted. Did they pretend to shoot bows and arrows, like my sons do with guns? Did they wrestle with each other? Punch each other in the arm? Did those girls say when I grow up I wanna be a Warrior? Or when I grow up I wanna be a prostitute?
Some of the associations that Femaleness has in this current Western, Secular Society I live in make sense. Motherhood is obvious. Weakness physically, especially in comparison to men makes sense as well. The constant sexual object association I get as well.
Take the Virgin Mary. I think about her as an Archetype quite a bit. I sometimes think she broke Femalehood, lol. Her SON according to this weird Mythology that is the basis of the Society I live in, died for no damn good reason. Just to please a Sky Daddy, that is an ass. He impregnates this poor woman, in order to have her son DIE for him. She is powerless throughout the entire story, a broken, weak, joke of a woman. She's not sexual, cause she was a Virgin. She's not powerful, she can't even stop the Death of her son. She just lays there throughout the New Testament, a colorless, lifeless vessel for this thing that is beyond her control.
Let me tell you something, I can put myself in her shoes and I don't fucking get it. How do you just stand by while your son is murdered and chalk it up to God's Will? Did she cry? Did she tear her hair out? Did she beat at the Guard's with her fists to stop them? Was she arrested for attempting to stop this thing from happening? Not according to most versions of that story. I would be fighting as much as I could for my boy. I just think about it, if she actually existed, she is the embodiment of Powerlessness, the Great Sorrow of being helpless when it comes to your child, your sexuality, etc.
Everyone knows its all about programming docile citizens for this Society, Hell for all Societies. The Virgin Mary is brilliant for taking away the power attached to Femaleness. She takes away the inherent right a woman has to control her own destiny and the destiny of her Child.
I only become MORE aggressive the more Physically Adept I become. It's like an end result of wanting to be a Modern Female Warrior and fighting like Hell to become one. But, the times in my life I have literally felt Homicidal Rage, were over my kids. Pre or Post, physical fitness. Didn't matter if I was 200 lobs or not. I will kill a Motherfucker for my kids.
When they were born this surge of Protectiveness mixed with Rage has overcame me. When that child was put in my arms, I thought the following, I will kill for you, I will steal for you, NO price is to great to see you thrive.
where's THAT in the Modern Mother Archetype? Cause I have never met a Mother, who wasn't the same way (expect for maybe mine, lol).
I want to be a Female Warrior and I am slowly becoming one. One step at a time. It's my journey, the one I am on now. And my main beef with Society lies in the fact that Female Archetypes are incomplete, spoiled by a Man's view of what Woman is or should be. It's time for women to start to define this for ourselves and say fuck it to Archetypes that lack our input, that are funhouse mirrors of Femininity. For MY daughters to have better than I did. For them to not experience the confusion I did for a long time at what Woman is and isn't.
It's why I do what I do. Isn't the Mother of a child the most fundamental Archetype they encounter? Their first Goddess before Religion begins to take over their little minds?
So I try to find ANY portrayals of Women as Warriors that I can. Here's one I found the other day that kinda stunned me. Katy Perry's video for her song Part Of Me. How fucking awesome is the message here? Well for me it sits at 10,00%. Bitch gets cheated on and dumped, Bitch cuts off all her hair, tapes down her boobs and becomes a ..... Marine!! A Modern Female Warrior! Not perfect but better than Mary needlessly mourning her son after succumbing to a Man's will.
Bitch, pussy, Nancy, Sally, quit whining like a girl, are you on your period, etc.
Words that are thrown at men to insult them for being to feminine, to girly, to soft. Now when I read these kinda things, or am being dismissed simply because I am a woman, I have to laugh.
Language tell the tell of what memes permeate this current Western Society better than almost anything else. This whole idea that a term that is somehow inherently female is weak, is less than male is obvious and if you are a woman, can leave a bitter taste in your mouth. A realization that all of Society views you as the Weaker, Lesser Sex. A realization that you have been programmed by THEM to think you are weaker than all males.
Ironically enough, I can kinda handle being shit talked when it is as an equal. When I am not being dismissed for my inherent Femaleness. What gets to me is the OH, you're just a woman dismissal. It riles me up, it pisses me off, and I decide that I will shove my fucking fist down your throat to make you REALIZE I am better than your sorry fucking ass.
What's that shit? ^^^^^ Is it a little Alphaness emerging? Is it rage at the fact no matter what I do, no matter what I accomplish, I will always be viewed as inherently less because fucking Society says so?
I know that I could produce the next TS Motherfucking B and most men won't give it a second look. I know that I could write the most profound post on a forum and some Motherfucker with a Gawdamn dick is gonna come in, say the same fucking thing, and get fucking hailed as the Next Black Hope. I can save my kid from running in the road, teach them how to defend themselves, stand up for themselves, and someone will say I am doing a good job turning them into men (this actually happened recently).
Male means strength, domination, conquest. Woman represents weakness, submission, and victimization. That simple and that much utter fucking horseshit.
And I don't want to be a victim, I don't wanna submit, I am not weak. So what the actual fuck am I to do? It's this fucking base, common perception that Society has that pisses me the Hell off. That is a set of Trigger Words if you will, something that should do nothing, but has a real effect on me personally.
Because I refuse to have those things be a part of me, they never really have been Weakness, submission, and victimization is for them, not me.
So I need to get past this little bullshit as well. Realize that people who dismiss me just for being a Woman, just for being Female are not worthy of Fighting. That maybe I can use this I am 'weak' perception to my advantage, rather than screaming NO! NO! FUCK YOU, etc.
Thus guy is one of my favorites from Youtube. Zach put his video Don't Let %The Bastards Keep You Down on SIN and I have been hooked ever since.
Click the link, subscribe, watch, etc.
http://www.youtube.com/user/thechurchofdave?feature=watch
What is a werewolf according to its Mythological constructs?
A man, who appears as a man most of the time. Who actually preys on others around them, while keeping the appearance of being just a man. Something blood thirsty, something vicious, something that hides in the shadows and promotes chaos, death, and disorder. A predator, something feared.
Something with a large amount of misunderstanding, innuendo, assumption and superstition around it. A Mythological construct borne out of superstition that people were killed (most of the time for no good reason) over.
So let's see..... Anton LaVey chooses the name Satanism for what he puts on paper. Anton LaVey calls Satanic women witches. Anton LaVey writes an essay on becoming a Werewolf.
There's a common thread there that touches upon what Satanism is beyond just the written words.
*Note, I will be fleshing this out later to be a full essay on misunderstood Archetypes within Satanism.
SIN is not located at http://satanicinternationalnetwork.wall.fm
Monday, May 21, 2012
""...I ask you to consider—if this is a firm, and if the Board of Regents are the Board of Directors, and if President Kerr in fact is the manager, then I tell you something—the faculty are a bunch of employees and we're the raw material! But we're a bunch of raw materials that don't mean to be - have any process upon us. Don't mean to be made into any product! Don't mean - Don't mean to end up being bought by some clients of the University, be they the government, be they industry, be they organized labor, be they anyone! We're human beings!...There's a time when the operation of the machine becomes so odious—makes you so sick at heart—that you can't take part. You can't even passively take part. And you've got to put your bodies upon the gears and upon the wheels, upon the levers, upon all the apparatus, and you've got to make it stop. And you've got to indicate to the people who run it, to the people who own it, that unless you're free, the machine will be prevented from working at all." Sproul Hall Steps, December 2, 1964.
Mario Savio
Fun times. In an era of Political Correctness and the concept of Egalitarian, everyone is equal bullshit a real enemy rose up and actually struck The West. Now I know, I know the common argument. The US started it, the US deserved it, blah, blah, blah, horseshit. My loyalty lies no more with the US, The West, etc as it does with Islam. My loyalty is to well.... me. It's an important distinction and one that needs to be made.
When I look around me I see a lot of people that are pretty fucking opposite of what I stand for, what I believe in. But most are to pussy assed to actually kill me. Christianity is a joke. What are The Pagans gonna do say Blessed Be?
Islam is different. It's more than just a Religion. It is a mental infection that colors the view of its adherents on everything from Law, to relations between the sexes, to Fashion, to the education of their children.
And the underlying principle behind the text is simple from having read it: Kill FS, kill anybody like FS, kill FS' children, kill FS' husband, terrorize and lie to the Government of the land FS lives in. Ever read the koran? I am the poster child of an Infidel. Any loud, proud, independent American Woman is. Page after page of reasons I should die, reasons I am unclean, reasons I should be stoned, beheaded, lied to, etc. And these people actually have the balls to back that shit up.
So, I have a pretty extremist view here but there is a reasoning behind it. The stage is being set for WW3. The main catalyst has been the Middle East, especially in regards to War and the fighting the US is doing.
Now, any other time there has been a War and of that proportion, the 'citizens' begin to hate the other side. Lots of reasons for this, propaganda and such, but the citizens HATE them, they represent everything they are not. The long lasting hatred of Nazis, for example, reflects this.
Now I am an US citizen. My enemy and the big one to come is easily defined by a few things, one being their Religious preference. So yeah I hate them, I want them all dead, I want their Religion to be made illegal, yada yada yada.
I doubt US citizens were talking up the Nazis or saying that Nazis had every right to practice National Socialism in the US during WW2.
So why would I do that or even contemplate having a let them do what they want attitude when my Country is at War, and when I as a person represent everything they hate and want to destroy?
The main reason for all this is me. They win, I die. I am to 'opposite' of what women are forced to be in the Middle East for me to survive them winning.
Fuck 'em and fuck respected their right to push that bullshit here. Fuck Allah, fuck the Koran, Fuck Mohammad, Fuck Sharia Law.
So I have been on a blogging break for about a month now. Why? Shit. In the literal sense.
See a time comes in a young child's life when they have to give up their diapers and move to kidhood. That kid's Mother or Father has to crack the whip and get that little brat potty trained.
Now there are lots of systems, books, DVDS, Pull ups and the like to assist with this process. I have tried them all and none of them work. Pull ups have gotten the same reception from every child I have ever had "It's a diaper." <<<---- Which translates to fuck you I ain't going in the potty.
This is what does work. Set aside about two weeks. The first week the concept is introduced. Then comes the second week. NO diapers no pull ups, just a potty seat, about 20 pairs of underwear, and YOU taking the kid to the potty about every hour.
See the second week shows a child in a very real way WHY they should go to the potty. Ain't no diaper or pull up wicking the wet away. They get to feel it on them. Nature than takes it's inevitable course.
A long, exhausting week of shit and piss. By the end you should have a potty trained child.
For me it is a walk through Hell. Why? I hate smelling, touching or anything having to do with other people's shit. Makes me gag, makes me barf. And this whole thing is about well ..... me cleaning up someone else's shit.
Now over the years, I have became immune to this with diapers (I did puke on my first kid once though) . But potty training shit is a whole different ball of wax. You have to get the shit outta the underwear. You HAVE to touch it. Most importantly, you cannot puke on your kid during this process. It tends to set potty training back, lolz.
So today while I was cleaning up yet another 'accident' I started thinking about transcending one's own limitations, mental boundaries, blah, blah, blah. The way this is talked about is typically in terms of things like Racism, Egalitarianism, Crime, etc. Things that are just thoughts, Idealogies and the like.
I rarely see someone say, 'I am terrified of heights so I went bungee jumping.' Or, 'I am afraid of dogs so I got one as a pet.'
See THAT I get, that makes sense. That makes me want to go confront my own Personal Devils. Confronting a phobia is a common form of treatment for a phobia. Ever watch a show where they are doing this for people?? It's always funny to see how extreme the reactions can be, especially to things I don't find scary.
However, that extremity of reaction is what makes it evident a real personal boundary has been crossed, a personal Devil has been found and made real, then vanquished. You can't do that in your head, you can't out think a phobia. It's just there and real to you, even if everybody else on Earth thinks it's retarded.
I have had people ask me why the extreme reaction to shit?? This is always followed by,'Why don't you have someone else potty train your kid.
The answer is simple. I get a subtle thrill in doing things that I wouldn't normally do. I derive a strange sense of enjoyment out of doing something I would normally avoid. I like knowing that I can move past these preset boundaries I have in my mind.
Posturing: The moment one starts to present themselves as they want to be, not as they actually are.
Know when it comes to posturing, there are some things that just crawl under my skin. One is the Unemotional game people wanna play. To pretend they feel nothing, that things like fear, pain, sorrow, hate, love, etc are things they don't feel or have risen above.
Like anything that really bothers me, it is an oil and water thing. I feel and I feel emotions at a great depth. I will cry over a lyric to a song if it resonates somehow. I have good ole fashioned I will destroy you and dance over your dead body Motherfucker depths of Rage. I experience things like this at such a depth the alternative is unfathomable to me.
I swim through a constant sea of emotions that cloud my Objectivity. They are there and they are very real. In fact, when I hit those emotional depths I feel more alive. Like the moment I felt the true depth of sorrow or love or hate or pain I was truly alive. That the events that made me feel those things were what LaVey referred to as 'Vital Existence.'
If you're not feeling the depth of emotion and those emotional reactions, are you really doing a life that progresses you, that evolves you into more than the person next to you? Or have you simply cut yourself off, abandoned the things that make existence worth living?
A great example is romantic relationships. So many people get to burned, to hurt to re engage in a romantic relationship. But are they really living by not taking that chance, by not allowing themselves to get hurt? No. In order to avoid pain, they miss the joy, heartache, etc that comes with having another individual that in your life.
And that's the rub, I guess. Emotions cloud the mind, while making things more real, more worthwhile. Every emotional depth I have hit has effected me. The fact that my heart used to be so open, is why I am now so selective as to who I allow in, why I understand someone being one of my 'own' verses not being one of my own. Having experienced rage at such a level is why I control it (breathing and counting works wonders). Having experienced sorrow at such a depth is why I hold on to happiness as hard as I do. Feeling the lump in your throat, oh I could die or be seriously hurt, heart beating to fast fear is why I aspire to be a Female Warrior.
Those emotional depths and the psychological scars I have is why I have become who I am. Those emotions are what drive me to evolve thyself, not the rest of the World. They are why I fight, why I engage with my environment in such an aggressive manner, why I live the way I do.
I want to live, I want to experience every facet of life that I can before I am finally done with existence. There is a difference between controlling your emotions and denying they exist. Vital existence requires control, not denial.
Sometimes something so out of the ordinary happens that the fabric of what you perceive as Reality is ripped away. You get to witness the visceral, bloody and very real threats that exist around you. You realize you could be snuffed out like a candle flame, in an instant. You get struck dumn by just how mortal, how vulnerable you are.
These I things pull the shiny veneer of safety and comfort off of your mind and that Reality lens you look through. That’s the biggest lie that gets told to the self. That you’re invulnerable, that you’re safe, that you’re protected from the ugly things, from Death and blood.
When the simple truth is that the ugly side of things is always there. Bleeding through the surface of your safe little World. Some people are soft, and lack any time they have turned and seen the Ugly side of things. Others have and shove them down, pretend those things never happened. Others face them, run towards experiences that make them experience the Ugly Side of Life over and over again.
I don’t know which category I fall into. I spend a lot of time denying the awful I have faced, wanting to have ‘normal’ even if it’s in small increments. I lack a level of Experience with the Awful that some people have, making me ‘soft.’ I also tend to have the Ugly Side of Life breathing down my neck like I am its Daughter or a part of it.
Does that mean I seek it out? Nah, things just HAPPEN that way, like a wake the fuck up and realize that the World you live in is as plastic and fake as you know it is, Demon is following me around, pissing on my delusions for shits and giggles. I can wax philosophical about Experienced over Headspace shit all over the place, but at the moment I would like to be dealing with the theoretical, the Unknown.
Why? Because not a single fucking thing I thought I would think, feel, etc after a real nice in your face tragedy was right. Because witnessing someone die, violently and for no damn good reason makes me want to curl up into a ball and sob.
FS
Lots of us go on and on about us and them, The Matrix, Sleepers or being truly awake. Lots of ways to say that the system and the culture that surrounds is ultimately working to force conformity, to force compliance. To make a mass produced, plastic people distracted by gadgets.
Now I have read lots of ways to Fight Back, to do something. What I rarely see is the fact that most of us stay tied in and connected to this thing due to dependency, due to the fact that most of us can't provide the most basic building blocks of life for ourselves.
If you can't defend yourself, you need the Law and Law Enforcement to protect you.
If you can't make your own clothing, you have to depend on clothing stores.
If you can't produce your own food, you can't feed yourself without a grocery store.
Pretty basic shit and scary too. When I look at American Culture and the Archetypes of Women that exists the one that sticks out is the 1950's housewife. She could do things that are no longer considered relevant in today's society. She could sew. She could garden. She could cook.
With a loss of relevancy to what has been considered woman's work, there are now several generations even more dependent than before. Women that can claim the ability to balance a spread sheet but can't cook a simple meal or sew a button. Women who hail their freedom to vote, to work, to have casual sex, but they couldn't survive without all of their basic needs met by something else.
I am desperate to KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt that I could provide these basic things for myself. Food, water and shelter. I work towards it constantly. Whether its trying to be in better shape (fighting shape Goddammit. This is the year!! ), learning to sew, garden, hunt, whatever I can think of.
For me, it has everything to do with the first part of this blog. That status quo thing that robs everyone of any free thought, in favor of distraction, that instructs to ask no questions. I want to be freer of it (I think actual freedom is impossible) .
The moment I know I can do one little thing, that I don't have to get from that, I feel just a bit less dependant, just a bit less vulnerable, just a little bit freer.
I think for most of us, it's the dependency, that keeps us shackled and chugging along for that machine. Dependency, is not knowing you can provide those basic building blocks of life for yourself.
Dimitri posted a blog about reinventing oneself on the internet and my response got about as long as the blog.
I did this “reinventing” oneself on the internet thing once. For those who don’t know I had an account at SIN, deleted it and came back as FS. Here’s the thing, it was stupid, pretentious, ego filled dumbshit. It didn’t feel that way at the time, but it does now.
While I have had some of my views refined through debate (because they didn’t stand up to hard scrutiny), I don’t really change my opinion to change or adjust how people feel about me. I have made numerous mistakes online and honestly, I want to own them. I want people to see, even via text, the way one can grow and develop if they take this seriously and put the ideas into practice in their life.
When I came back, I made a vow, which was simple, do the shit, and write about the journey. Rather than be someone obsessed with the way they look to others, show the journey. The mistakes, the trials, the getting knocked down and getting back up again. That way others can see an actual example of the way putting ideas to the Fire, looks.
I have been in unnecessary online arguments because someone hurt my pride. I have picked up and dropped different forms publically, I have doubted the label Satanist for myself publically, I have been mocked, threatened, put down, and a host of other things publically.
I don’t leave because I made a mistake of some kind and come back reinvented. I just let people see the missteps. Because everybody will make those and pretending otherwise is the height of Self Deceit, imo. There are people behind those screennames after all.
Too many people want to be viewed as perfect, think of themselves as perfect. Perfection should be the goal. A goal that is unattainable, but worthy of pursuit. If you think you are already perfect, you are liable to not work to perfect yourself.
The title is from one of the songs that first touches on the consequences of technology. Consequences all of us to one degree or another face.
The main consequence of this internet phenomena I see is on social relationships. A seeming inability to connect with others offline, resulting in a dependency on the computer for any socialization that occurs.
They say in life you find friends at certain times an that the older someone gets the less opportunity they have to connect with someone else. I am of "that age." I have a lot of kids, I am happily married. I don't go to bars. I am not in high school. My interests are "unusual" at best.
Most people I meet, I meet through my kids. That's what we have in common, getting slapped with a fertile stick. So when I first started the online thing I grew to depend on it for quality social interaction. I get the "why", I really do.
I however, refuse to become that kind of person. So I have forced myself to find new outlets. Classes, Pagan Gatherings (fuck you in advance, you go find any other kind of occult group in the South), etc. It has worked.
Here's the thing, I don't need a person to agree with all my stances on things to develop a quality relationship with them. I just need to know they are one of mine in some fashion. A person I can move to my inner circle.
Flesh and blood relationships are better. Period. A person in front of you who knows you, really knows you. It's messier, it's warmer, and ultimately more fulfilling than any e relationship with an e persona can ever be.
That's what bothers me the most I guess. To me, the interwebz feels cold, like I can't trust anybody to be who they claim to be. I feel like a lot of people are forgetting that with risk comes reward. Any person worth knowing is worth letting in, worth dropping a front for. How can that really happen via mega bites?
In life the second you come into eyesight of another Individual, you are being judged. When you begin to speak to them, interact, etc others form an opinion.
Now this opinion is based on external features. You can be the World's best babysitter but if to have a cigarette hanging out of your mouth and every other word is a cuss word, you ain't getting the job.
A lot of people sit around and bemoan this fact. They say to never judge a book by its cover, take the time to get to know the person first. This is falsity on the most basic level. It dismisses the initial judgement. It dismisses the fact that these things matter, that what you present counts.
Now as a Satanist, how does one use this to their advantage? How do you use this whip, snap judgement call humans make to serve you, to make your life better?
In my opinion, LaVey captures this most accurately in The Satanic Witch. The art of manipulation takes many forms, including presenting yourself in a fashion that suits each situation.
If you deny this and cling to the idea that you deserve people to wait to figure out what you're really about, you will fail in life. You are being judged constantly, I am being judged constantly.
Does another's judgment of you matter? Yeah it does. If you want or need something from them rather it's respect, love, affection, a job, whatever. Then you will need to blend in and on some level conform to the standard they have set. Or else you aren't going to achieve that thing you desire. Pretty simple shit, eh?
When the major of my validation came from external factors, I never wanted to really conform to anybody else's standards about anything from clothing to the way I speak. It was really important to me to have a host of External things to define me. Without my torn jeans who was I? Without The Ramones being my favorite band, how would somebody get to know who I really was?
Now, I understand how these things are just that. The surface, the presentation. Not me as a person. That is bigger, broader and more in depth than the way I dress, who I hang out with or what I listen to. The judgment of others on that presentation, doesn't really matter.
What matters is my own judgement on my actions. I am harsher than my worst critics. I expect perfection, not good enough. I expect strength, even when others would run screaming away from a situation. I expect myself to be better, more than the average person I encounter. I expect MORE from myself than any critic I have ever ran across.
Why would I bother to hold myself to another's standard? I have a hard enough time living up to my own. I am a cruel bitch of a Master.
Looking for answers, within the debris that is the external abstractions that surround me. A constant barrage of information, truth, subjective perspectives, distractions, manipulation, lies, hidden agendas, distortion, media coverage trying to force me to conform, to be another’s ideal.
The more inward the compass for validation becomes, the easier it is to fight back against that onslaught of conformity, of stagnation and eventual living death. That’s what I see when I look at “them.” The living dead. People who have become so programmed to seek external validation they have lost their own minds, any original thought replaced by a Consumerist, ostrich in the sand mentality. Lost to any potential, any drive to be more than those that came before them.
I don’t want to be one of the Living Dead, one of the programmed, so I fight. For me, not anyone else. I want my children to be Individuals, outside of any sheepish mindset, but I can’t make that happen. They make their own choices, unless I want to be like the kind I hate and force some weird indoctrination. So it all bleeds back to just me.
That’s the base isn’t it? Just you (or in my case me). Deciding what’s wrong and right, you deciding how to live, who and why to love, coming to an understanding of the human experience based on well, personal experience.
Self Deceit then becomes an enemy of epic proportions. With you being the only true gauge of knowledge, your personal experiences, you and your own subjectivity is also the biggest enemy. Emotional responses, personal attachments, preferences, etc may cloud the answer you seek.
So finding the answers relies on realistic assessment of oneself above ego masturbation. Realizing your innate imperfection being the real key to self sovreignity. That way you can rise above the self deceit, the lies we all tell to ourselves to justify our nature, in favor of a glimpse at the Objective, the hard, the real if only for a moment.
This is a phenomenon that just irritates the shit out of me. People who have simply flipped the musical paradigm and have decided popular equals bad and obscure equals good.
Just like pseudo intellectual absolutists of any stripe you must agree with this odd assessment of music and stay away from the mainstream or you are considered a sheep of some kind, one of the masses, someone who lacks taste. Saying you like Madonna is like saying you go to church on a website full of Satanists to this type of person.
What I find funny about it is a lack of understanding that music is an art. Its use and aesthetic quality is dependent on personal subjective taste. Craftsmenship of music is less important than how it affects you emotionally.
My father is a huge music snob. So is my mother. They had long duscussions with me about the importance of craftsmanship, lyrical quality, how autotuning was the death of music.
I never cared. I wanted to listen to that forbidden fruit. That Popular Music that all my friends were listening to. That leech on true craftsman of music. That thing that was viewed as the epitome of bad, awful, plastic, prepackaged, etc. I was tired of Blue Oyster Cult. The Beatles were boring. Pink Floyd was annoying. And Jimi Hendrix was meh. Led Zeppelin's songs were to long.
So I embarked on an odd journey that has brought me to this weird place I sit musically. I appreciate the classics. If I am in a deep mood, I listen to BOC. Nostalgic? CCR. Drunk? Led Zeppelin. Any time at all because they are MY band? AC/DC.
But ... I also love Pop Music, Dance Music, Electronic, Hip Hop, Country, R and B, Hair Metal, 80's and 90's Pop. I drank from the Forbidden Pools of Poison, Madonna, Alanis Morrisette, Tiffany, Debbie Gibson, Motley Crue, Eric Clapton (my dad hates him), Tina Turner, Flock of Seagulls and the like.
Guess what? I like it. Even Pop Music of today. It makes me smile, it's not deep, it's fun and most importantly, it makes me want to dance. What started as a Rebellion against Music Snobbery has become an appreciation of ALL kinda of music. An understanding that no kind of musical taste makes one better than another. That it all has its place and time.
I can appreciate an autotuned, overly synthesized musical track, just as much as a display of stunning craftsmanship.
That's what Satanism is, a 21st Century, largely misunderstood Warrior Ethos.
Within this 21st Century memeplex of oddness, you quickly learn anything Un Jehovah and Un Christ is Satanic. As you read up on the LHP, you will quickly run into female Goddesses, female representatives of the Itness, symbolized by Satan.
Now I love Goddesses, Warrior Goddesses in particular. There tends to exist an odd and frequently misunderstood association with them. They tend to possess a Warrior/Whore dichotomy, to their mythos.
There is a plethora of Goddesses that represent Female Warriors throughout history. Tiamat, Ishtar, Inanna, etc. A clear mark on history, that is completely alien to the average 21st Century mind.
What I see a lot of (and have been guilty of myself in the past) is an embracing of the Whore as an archetype for women, particularly in the LHP and Satanic subculture. Or the embracing of the Intellectual or Gnostic side of these archetypes.
I once had a friend of mine write an impassioned essay telling women to drop the Whore portion and embrace the Intellectual side of things. Another complete misappropriation, imo.
What's being ignored? The Warrior side of these archetypes and constructs. Some flabby, fat ass Pagan claiming to be a priestess of Ishtar is missing the mark. Whore/Warrior Goddess. That means her Priestess should be a Warrior as well.
The greatest weapon a woman possesses is her sexuality and sexual favor. It is the one weakness men have that can be constantly and consistently exploited. It's easy to do. So connotations of a sexually available Female Satan make sense.
But without the other portion, you have an incomplete archetype. Not one of those Whore Goddesses is portrayed without a weapon. Those Whore Goddesses also have War Stories, they are Goddesses of War.
So, if you are examining this Undercurrent of Satanism, the Feminine Connotations, what's the other side? Warriordom. In fact, the sexual side is simply a weapon, one of many. They're ALL weapons. The fundamental misunderstanding between men and women. Your intelligence. Most importantly the Inherent Femaleness that makes a woman, a woman.
So, a fundamental for me, is to be a Warrior. To satisfy that base condition, physically. To be armed, to be tough, to be physically fit. To realize all the weapons I have at my disposal. Rather it's an ability to throw a decent right hook or bat my eyes and smile at the right moment.
Men do not get to sit and define what Womanhood is. That's woman's work. One of the things the Patriarchy wants to hide, obscure and get women to ignore, is that women are also Predators, also Warriors. That means it's a human thing, not a man thing.
And that's my goal, to be more human, not less. To be closer to a Natural state than the Patriarchy enforces. That means making myself the best Warrior I can be. Has shit to do with my gender and everything to do with birthright. I was born into the most vicious species on Earth. Therefore I should be a walking manifestation of that. Both Beautiful and Horrible.
In life there are people, then there are YOUR people. For one reason or another a person that busted down your walls, grabbed your heart and now owns it. People that are a part of your tribe, and they have earned your love, your trust, and most importantly your loyalty.
Once I really grasped the concept of Self Sovereignty, I realized something. My children, my husband and my friends, are part of what makes my World. My Worldview is directly affected by them, they are the ones I am interacting with who shape me in some way.
Thus, I am loyal to them. It's very easy to understand. If I would take a bullet for you, I will probably fight for you. It doesn't matter where I met them or how long I knew them, they have my loyalty.
Now what happens when one of mine, wronged one of mine? Some seem to categorically misunderstand a fundamental. Part of being loyal to someone is to say, "You were wrong. You fucked up."
How is that hard to get? How is it that on the interwebz where people run around praising stratification, someone saying you were wrong is a bad thing? Or something that brings on the usual onslaught of personal attacks?
If I care about you, I will tell you when you are wrong. Simple. If I care about you, I will defend you. Especially if you are not present to do it yourself. Simple.
That is a mark of loyalty, of respect. Which is why I prefer some of the people I do. They tell me I am wrong. Sometimes everyone needs a reality check.
To many people exist that claim to be a friend, who aren't. They diss you behind your back. They tell you how great you are, elevate you, praise you, while steadily and methodically stabbing you in the back.
Then there is the one person who will tell you the truth. No bullshit. Rather its good or bad, they will if necessary set you straight.
I have a friend I met, when I, the womyn who sounds like a twangy cat being skinned, was auditioning for choir at 13. She said, "You can't sing." We lived right by each other, so she took me to her house and taperecorded me. Ouch, I can't sing.
13 years people, thinking I could. That's a shocking revelation. One that really hurt me emotionally. But who was a real friend? All those people, my parents, my sister,my friends, etc who let me live this delusion? Or the girl that told me the truth?
I am the kind of person who will tell you when you're acting fucked up.
When I started at SIN, there was a very small core group of people running around those forums, hanging out in chat together, etc.
That environment is why I signed, why I played and why I stay. I loved it. Even the ridiculous parts. Getting blasted by Take On Me, dancing on cam, different people, different incidents.
See I am not or ever really have been an interwebz person. I was raised in the 80s, my take on it is very, very 80s. I view it like a video game, a diversion. Something done for fun, not much more than that.
I lie to myself about it. And being a rather antisocial, building walls to keep people out type, I don't get close to people, internet people especially.
But some people get through. Assholes that have for one reason or another stole a little piece of my heart. And when they leave my interwebz home, it hurts. I mostly interact with people on forums, so when they leave, the drifting away begins.
I begin to feel distant from them, until that relationship becomes a memory. And I have lost a lot of interwebz people for one reason or another. They leave and I stay. My interwebz wall stays up high enough it doesn't hurt that much.
But I miss the Glory Days. When that core group was together. When I knew almost every poster at SIN personally. When I actually engaged in the social scene attached to that site.
But ... having voluntarily drifted off I killed things that were precious to me. Friendships, alliances, and honestly, knowing what the hell is going on most of the time.
I miss something that will never happen again, is never coming back. I want to rewind time, be back to a year ago for one night. Moving forward is great, but it makes one nostalgic at times.
To the ones who are gone, I miss you. People like you make me hate the internet. I am supposed to not give a fuck. But some of you, I genuinely care about. And that makes you an Asshole.
When you start reading Satanic literature, you find this concept pretty quickly. Rather it's LaVey saying Satanists are the highest embodiment of life, Might is Right, or Long and his citing the ONA as an elitist, subversive, occult organization.
But what does Elitism really mean?
The most common misunderstanding I see on the Satanic interwebz goes something like this : Satanists are born not made, thus Satanists were born elite and superior to all others.
No, not really. Born, made, created, whatever. If all you have to do is breathe to be elite, then everyone is equal. This whole line of thinking leads back to everyone being a Special Snowflake. This line of thinking leads back to not having to do anything to advance yourself, after all you were born special.
Now this is how I took the idea of Elitism and apply it. Strive, do, push yourself further than anyone else does. BE-come the highest embodiment of life on Earth.
Not some thing I was handed at birth. Rather a mission, a goal. That if I am doing anything, from cooking to sculpting my body, my aim is to be the best. My aim is to not stumble, fall, give up, or come in second. My goal is always mastery, knowing that I have put forth my maximum effort to gain maximum reward.
Simple right?
No. Unlike most, I never think job well done, you are finally a master of this or that. I can't find a single area of life where I feel my job is complete, where I can sit on my laurels and say, "Yes, I did it. Check this area off the list, I mastered it."
There's always more. Always. New things to attempt to do and fail at, until I succeed. New goals to set. New areas of ME that need work.
And that, to me, is what Elitism is all about. Striving for perfection, a goal that is unattainable. Never being satisfied, no matter how far I have come. Never quitting, even when a "normal" person would. Being the best, the highest embodiment of life on Earth through effort, through accomplishment.
A Satanist should be born with that fire, that tenacity, that stubbornness to not stop until they succeed. That kind of drive will make you obtain self sovereignity, will help you build a Worldview on your own terms.
"I have always felt different than everyone else. "
Everyone has heard this, said this or know someone who uses this as a reason for their subscribing to Satanism or some other bat shit crazy idealogy.
Ever meet someone who would say, yeah I am normal, one of the masses? No.
Why? Alienation, feeling different, special, unique, etc is part of the human condition. Psychological studies have been done on this and found everyone feels different. Awkward, like everyone else gets it right and they are the abnormal one.
So being abnormal, feeling different is well normal, typical and not a definition of uniqueness in it's own right. I think it stems from the days when humans were tribal creatures (still are but I digress) . Becoming isolated from the group meant death to ancient ancestors. So that fear walks around, whispers to all of us from those times.
So what would make one actually different, abnormal, something alien to the "typical" human?
What they DO, not what they think. I see lots of people on the Satanic interwebz, try to tell others what a Satanic lifestyle should be. Beating their chests and saying this is what a Satanist does, this is how a Satanist lives.
It's bullshit, hypocrisy of the highest order. When it comes to being COUNTER Culture, the options are numerous. Living off your own land and providing all that your family needs, becoming nomadic, living in a commune, being a Swinger, a criminal, a sex worker, etc. All examples of a Counter Culture, fuck you I will do my own thing lifestyle.
Those options and actually living one, pursuing it, is what really flies in the face of what "they" say is acceptable. People who are dropping this lazy, apathetic, there's nothing I can do attitude that is the new Western lifestyle.
"Now that I'm a Satanist, who can I blame for my problems? "
You. :)
It's one of the funny things about humanity, our psychology, and those Three Selves that make up the sum of an individual. When something bad happens, when things get fucked up, we want to, we seek out someone to blame, a reason this thing occurred that protects our perception of who we are.
I firmly believe that our Idealized Self is best represented by the God and conception of God that runs around our own individual mindspace. So most have an idealized version of themselves that is perfect, but who isn't really "in charge." They have a God for that, a Creator.
So the end result is they're not to blame for anything that happens in their life. It's the economy that caused them to lose their job, it's women that fail to understand what a catch he is, their parents are the reason they're crazy.
And we live in a Blamer culture. Everything from the media to the Government plays this game. A subtle bastardization of the idea of cause and effect that strips away our inner power, the fact that all of us can be Self Sovereign, hidden and obscured.
So if you're a Satanist and you believe you're a God, your own Master, who did it? Whose to blame for the things in your life that are fucked up? You.
Now this idea sits in such an antithesis to the norm, few get it. And honestly, the self professed Satanists that are always eschewing that level of responsibility or view themselves as perfect, I don't view as Satanists. I don't feel they get the Day One lesson found in TSB and the Chapter The God You Save Could Be Yourself.
The whole point of that is well, save your fucking self. It's not society or someone else's job to step up for you, rescue you, defend you, or support you. You now take all the blame.
It's a rabbit hole realization that should bleed out and infect every aspect of your life. Your physical defense, financial stability, lifestyle, health, romantic relationships, etc all on you now. Rather you succeed or fail, on you now.
And that includes strengthening the areas your deficient in, realizing you have those flaws and either fixing them or living with them. Not everything viewed as a flaw by contemporary society is a flaw , sometimes it's just who you are. That also has to be realistically assessed and evaluated.
And you have to realize you are to blame. The way you acted triggered the situation. Even if the other person is bat shit crazy and projecting their failures and inadequacies on you. You still did something, somewhere to cause that. Finding that way you are to blame, can help you identify the areas to work on, or give you a glimpse into another's psyche few things can.
So now that you know you are to blame, watcha gonna do about it?
SinceI am in a discussion with an idiot about magic, psychism and the like I am writing this.
I have been a practicing "psychic" for 12 years. I do this either by working out of occult shops (mostly "freelance" ) or from my home with contacts I have gathered from working at those shops, or Pagan Gatherings, etc.
Now I will be braggy enough to say I am damn good at it. I know all the little tricks, tips and tools to get the information I need.
But... there's nothing Supernatural about it. I was taught how to read people, not cards. Every person I know who does this at all does the same.
Even if the person claims they are communicating with a "Spirit Guide" or some shit like that. They are actually reading body language and other non verbal cues. I picked up the idea of reading body language, pupil dilation, directing conversations to get more information, etc from books on Wicca, and from Wiccans I know personally.
See the reading of others is a lost art. Something few pursue, read up on or practice. It's labeled "manipulation" and manipulation is wrong in society as it currently stands. That's WHY it's occult (read hidden knowledge), that's why it's something LaVey bangs on in The Satanic Witch.
The truth that most deny is that almost all communication is manipulation. Little girls bat their eyes at their daddy to get the toy they want. Women flip their hair and smile. Men tough guy through body language and words. A constant barrage of information is thrown at our senses, all to get us to do what others want. By knowing what is really being done, understanding those nonverbal cues, can provide a resistance to that manipulation.
If you learn to read others and do it for any length of time, you start seeing the Undercurrent of communication. That Undercurrent is missed by most, but as I see it is the real driving force behind communication. Body language, voice changes, pupil dilation, etc tell the real story of how people really feel, what's really going on with them. If you can manipulate that Undercurrent within communication you can gain advantage in almost every situation. How does one learn to manipulate it? By knowing it's there for starters.
Most are to distracted to see those body language give aways. Oh he's into her, he smiles like a fool when she comes into a room, arms at the sides, his frame is open, he's leaning in towards her. Nah, she doesn't like him, she crosses her arms when he speaks to her, her frame is closed, she leans away from him slightly, doesn't want to make eye contact. Missed by most, they're to distracted to notice.
They believe words people say. As someone who is well versed in these nonverbal cues, I find almost anything someone says worthless. People lie. To themselves, to others. Words are used to save face, to hide facts, to distract from what a person's body is telling you.
Using my above example, if you ask goofy smiling guy if he likes that girl he'll say "Nah, she's okay. " Subject dropped, most people would believe him. If you can read people though, you see through that and know there's a collision coming. He's gonna get drunk and hit on her, she's gonna turn him down, he'll be asshurt, end of friendship. You see the probability manifesting before the situation heads there.
Knowing that probability factor leads to what the less initiated and superstitious view as Psychic ability. When anybody that was actually paying attention could have done the same thing.
And that was my main point in that discussion. "Psychism" is the knowledge of why people do what they do and reading them well, not accessing the Spirit Realm to obtain answers. Anybody can do it, no Super Special abilities required. ;)
In my family Barbie is on her third generation. My mother played with them, I played with them and now my daughter is an avid fan.
In spite of Feminists rants against the blonde icon, my Great Grandmother loved the thing. She bought them for my mother because she thought Barbie defied the you have to be a mother and a housewife ideas that were perpetuated.
See before Barbie the only dolls were baby dolls. My Great Grandmother hated the idea of giving her granddaughter a baby doll. She was a Feminist, she wanted more for her granddaughters.
Now when I was a kid Barbie was the bane of all Feminists. An icon of sluttiness. I remember my Mother ranting that a human woman couldn't walk with Barbie's proportions. I remember the "Math is hard " fiasco (there was a Barbie put out that said Math is hard, big drama) .
Due to this Feminist insanity at the time, my mother said no to Barbie. But my Great Grandmother was a different story. She bought me one for Christmas when I was six. She told me her view on Barbie.
See there's a "Career line " that they produce. Barbie has been a Doctor, a Lawyer, a Scientist, in every branch of the military, an astronaut, a School Teacher, worked at McDonald's, the list is endless.
I remember the rants, I remember the hot pink toy aisle. I remember my father giving in to my Great Grandmother, to me and my sister's joy.
I look at my daughters Barbies and I see the Feminists won. Her waist is larger, her feet are larger, her breasts are smaller, her face isn't as pretty.
However, girls have lost big time. Barbie has been replaced. By Bratz dolls, which don't have careers and dress sluttier than any Barbie I ever had. Or Goth Dolls. Or Monster High (they're the daughters of characters like Frankenstein. ).
Barbie has been ripped off, tossed aside and forgotten. The failure to see that Barbie was revolutionary. Her roots are in a sex doll. She was the first not a baby doll, doll. She was used by the company to promote a Feminist agenda, only to be cannibalized by them. The whole idea was to show that girls could be more than just Mothers.
The Feminists of today can rant and rave about the portrayal of women in the media all they want. All of us are forgetting something. We had CHOICE, while women before us didn't. We had ICONS showing us we could be more than our predecessors. We were blessed to live in the post feminist revolution era.
I am of the firm opinion that a recognition of icons like Barbie is necessary. Hasn't the time come to get the hidden message Barbie contained? That a woman can be sexual, even beautiful and have a career, a brain in her head. That there is nothing wrong with being feminine and a Feminist.
Barbie isn't the enemy, the media isn't the enemy, men aren't the enemy, we are. Tearing down each other for how we look, being catty, and continuing to perpetuate the very stereotypes we as women claim to hate or wish to defy.
