Meet Mike

My husband (and me) have a new friend. A crotchety old man who is 60. His name is Mike and he is awesome. Here are some quotes from him so you 'get' why:

I am a Commie, Atheist, Jew hating, nigger hating, spic hating fuck 'em all.

Jesus killed more people than Charles Manson. Read the bible, it's in there.

Why the fuck should I care? I'm old.

I want them to hit me. I will either die or sue them. (when he is standing in the middle of the road)

Old bitch.

Fat bitch.

Ugly motherfucker.

When I die I am going to be standing on the left side of Satan saying, 'that's right torture that motherfucker more. He went to church every Sunday.'

Of course I fleece churches it's what they're there for.

I'm in Hell.

I look like I'm dead. Women my age look worse. I have no choice but to be a pedophile. Old women are disgusting to look at. Could you imagine fucking one?

I tell those young fuckers hit me, you'll just get an extra charge.

I can't reason with that guy I'll just start screaming fuck you at him. That's why I asked Set to talk to him.

What's wrong with me? G. asked me if I feel any guilt about what I do and I said no. Why the fuck would I?

Look there's no cameras in that part of Kroger. All I gotta do is walk in, grab the Caramel cake and walk out. That security lady couldn't keep up with me.

I want her to puke in a cup and I will drink it. That's love right there.

I wonder if J's parents (she's 17) would rent her out to me. I won't do anything, I'm a gentleman.

It's like there's angel Mike on my left shoulder and Devil Mike on my right shoulder. The problem is Angel Mike is a pussy and Devil Mike's ideas make more sense.