The Ugly Side of Life

Sometimes something so out of the ordinary happens that the fabric of what you perceive as Reality is ripped away. You get to witness the visceral, bloody and very real threats that exist around you. You realize you could be snuffed out like a candle flame, in an instant. You get struck dumn by just how mortal, how vulnerable you are.
These I things pull the shiny veneer of safety and comfort off of your mind and that Reality lens you look through. That’s the biggest lie that gets told to the self. That you’re invulnerable, that you’re safe, that you’re protected from the ugly things, from Death and blood.
When the simple truth is that the ugly side of things is always there. Bleeding through the surface of your safe little World. Some people are soft, and lack any time they have turned and seen the Ugly side of things. Others have and shove them down, pretend those things never happened. Others face them, run towards experiences that make them experience the Ugly Side of Life over and over again.
I don’t know which category I fall into. I spend a lot of time denying the awful I have faced, wanting to have ‘normal’ even if it’s in small increments. I lack a level of Experience with the Awful that some people have, making me ‘soft.’ I also tend to have the Ugly Side of Life breathing down my neck like I am its Daughter or a part of it.
Does that mean I seek it out? Nah, things just HAPPEN that way, like a wake the fuck up and realize that the World you live in is as plastic and fake as you know it is, Demon is following me around, pissing on my delusions for shits and giggles. I can wax philosophical about Experienced over Headspace shit all over the place, but at the moment I would like to be dealing with the theoretical, the Unknown.
Why? Because not a single fucking thing I thought I would think, feel, etc after a real nice in your face tragedy was right. Because witnessing someone die, violently and for no damn good reason makes me want to curl up into a ball and sob.
FS