Posturing: The moment one starts to present themselves as they want to be, not as they actually are.
Know when it comes to posturing, there are some things that just crawl under my skin. One is the Unemotional game people wanna play. To pretend they feel nothing, that things like fear, pain, sorrow, hate, love, etc are things they don't feel or have risen above.
Like anything that really bothers me, it is an oil and water thing. I feel and I feel emotions at a great depth. I will cry over a lyric to a song if it resonates somehow. I have good ole fashioned I will destroy you and dance over your dead body Motherfucker depths of Rage. I experience things like this at such a depth the alternative is unfathomable to me.
I swim through a constant sea of emotions that cloud my Objectivity. They are there and they are very real. In fact, when I hit those emotional depths I feel more alive. Like the moment I felt the true depth of sorrow or love or hate or pain I was truly alive. That the events that made me feel those things were what LaVey referred to as 'Vital Existence.'
If you're not feeling the depth of emotion and those emotional reactions, are you really doing a life that progresses you, that evolves you into more than the person next to you? Or have you simply cut yourself off, abandoned the things that make existence worth living?
A great example is romantic relationships. So many people get to burned, to hurt to re engage in a romantic relationship. But are they really living by not taking that chance, by not allowing themselves to get hurt? No. In order to avoid pain, they miss the joy, heartache, etc that comes with having another individual that in your life.
And that's the rub, I guess. Emotions cloud the mind, while making things more real, more worthwhile. Every emotional depth I have hit has effected me. The fact that my heart used to be so open, is why I am now so selective as to who I allow in, why I understand someone being one of my 'own' verses not being one of my own. Having experienced rage at such a level is why I control it (breathing and counting works wonders). Having experienced sorrow at such a depth is why I hold on to happiness as hard as I do. Feeling the lump in your throat, oh I could die or be seriously hurt, heart beating to fast fear is why I aspire to be a Female Warrior.
Those emotional depths and the psychological scars I have is why I have become who I am. Those emotions are what drive me to evolve thyself, not the rest of the World. They are why I fight, why I engage with my environment in such an aggressive manner, why I live the way I do.
I want to live, I want to experience every facet of life that I can before I am finally done with existence. There is a difference between controlling your emotions and denying they exist. Vital existence requires control, not denial.
Hello there, I just read the whole emotional rant. I must say when i finish this response, i will reread it. I could feel ur emotions thru ur words! I imagine u never stopped typing until complete!
ReplyDeleteI feel you meaning behind this post, the level of ignorance which lead to a lack of compassion towards the world. Then take offense when confronted on their actions, as tho no wrong done...
When u spoke upon the depth of feelings and emotions, I got goosebumps with empathy! U realize and understand what others seem never to grasp! Due to that fact we have been hardened and molded into this distant entity. I am feeling ur state of mind! We are apart of a few that have been enlightened to a brighter mind-state!
To me i feel as if i have been awoken. As if i was blindly moving through life. When we speak from our heart, we tend to make hella sense to at least one who is at that level with ya! Ur not alone with having these feelings infested deep within! Thx for listening:-)
Life is just a dream of emotions, feelings, and experience that ends when we die. At least, that's what I think at the moment.
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