That's When A Smoke Was A Smoke..

and groovin' was groovin',

dancing was everything, we were young and we were improving. - John Mellancamp


This song is about the days when you were young, when you didn't know shit about the World. It resonates with me at this moment because I have come into contact with some of the people from a time period in my life that was just that. What I find remarkable is the differences and similarities between each person then and now.

I was an orange haired stripper with a "band" called Bludstan (bloodstain). A punk/metal fushion outfit. We were awful, the only redeeming thing about that band was that we stopped making people's ears bleed by playing the garbage that had been written by us.

My husband was my boyfriend. He hung out with a different band called Hoar. He was their songwriter, any day they were going to get a record deal, no really Road Runner records was interested. He spent most of his time smoking pot and playing video games. Now he runs his own small business, doesn't write at all, rarely plays video games, has four children and a wife.

His best friend S was so fucking talented. He was the producer of the band, he was a working producer, had a job on Music Row doing that. He produced rap bands, rock bands, hell anything. He could play the bass, guitar, keyboards, and drums. He also wrote music. Today, he's getting his degree in finance, he's going to be a college professor. He doesn't really play music at all. It makes me sad to see him all grown up, so much talent, wasted.


There were two twin brothers as well. They were the main players behind Hoar. The sad thing is this, they are a snap shot into the past. They are still, 12 years later waiting for that record deal to manifest. They still dress the same, look the same, talk the same, there's been no change whatsoever.

It's an odd thing to look back on those that you knew a long ass time ago. When you were young, stupid and full of dreams. It reminds you of who you were before you really started living, who you were before the kids, the marriage, the knocks of life had changed you, made you grow the fuck up.

I don't think 'gah those times were great', I think 'what the hell was I thinking'. I thought I knew everything about the World and I was simply a child. I was so optimistic back then, so full of hope, so full of dreams.

I do miss the music. I miss making it, I miss being an active part of that subculture. Guess that means I should add that to my already busy life. Do some grooving again, let go of the rest for just a little while. A part of me hesitates because I am not optimistic anymore, I understand that my skill level rests just above non-existent and right in the suck range.