I AM: FROM FEMALESATAN'S BLOG
I am a stay at home mom (not true).
Who has five kids (is true).
Who dick rides men on the internet (not true but I like dick).
Who certain members at Circle talk shit about behind her back (prolly true)
Nobody respects (not true).
Who quit showing her tits at SIN because nobody wanted to see them (not true, Zach and others begged me on multiple occasions).
Attention whore (VERY true).
Drama Queen (True).
Cunt (also true).
Someone who uses petty personal attacks all the time (Yep).
Liar (absolutely).
Open Book (not true, I guarantee you know less than you think you do about me).
Is stupid (Not true. If I was I wouldn't still be here).
The point is this, I know what people say about me. I always have. If you think rehashing the same old shit about me is going to make me run away and cry in the corner, you are wrong.
So you don't like me as a person. Good, I didn't want you to. You hate me. I got under your skin for some reason. I reflected some concept you have trouble with handling. I stomped on your moral sensibilities. Whatever, you have decided to dismiss me based on who I am.
None of this common string of attacks I receive touches on WHY my ideas are bad. I wanted you to tell me what is wrong with my ideas, put them to scrutiny. You can't or you would have by now. The few that have put my ideas to the test, have earned my respect. The few who have made me think, have earned my respect.
I can guarantee if you are using ANY of the above to take a low blow at me, you aren't on my respect list.
Wednesday, November 6, 2013
What Versus Why
WHAT VERSUS WHY FROM FEMALESATAN'S BLOG
Who, what, when, where, why and how. When I was in school I had a teacher that said to process anything you need to be able to actually answer all of these questions. She always laid out tests this way. I do this whenever I am fooling around with a new idea.
When I look at the amount of writing about Satanism it's the what not the why. Now this sounds strange but think about it.
That's what we do, we discuss the what. Over and over again.
Some people misappropriate the What and think it's the why over and over again. It's where the softer version of Satanism comes from. Someone taking the what and making it the why.
They have misunderstood that all a writer can do is tell you what this is.
The why can be explained but it's incredibly difficult to understand without experience.
A great example is the doing meme. People will say they 'do' Satanism but the why can't be explained. They do it because they do goddammit. This makes that whole concept watered down and meaningless. Especially if the what isn't accurately understood either.
Who 'does' Satanism? What is 'doing' Satanism? When do you 'do' Satanism? Where do you 'do' Satanism? Why do you 'do' Satanism? How do you 'do' Satanism?
Answer the questions and get back to me.
Who, what, when, where, why and how. When I was in school I had a teacher that said to process anything you need to be able to actually answer all of these questions. She always laid out tests this way. I do this whenever I am fooling around with a new idea.
When I look at the amount of writing about Satanism it's the what not the why. Now this sounds strange but think about it.
That's what we do, we discuss the what. Over and over again.
Some people misappropriate the What and think it's the why over and over again. It's where the softer version of Satanism comes from. Someone taking the what and making it the why.
They have misunderstood that all a writer can do is tell you what this is.
The why can be explained but it's incredibly difficult to understand without experience.
A great example is the doing meme. People will say they 'do' Satanism but the why can't be explained. They do it because they do goddammit. This makes that whole concept watered down and meaningless. Especially if the what isn't accurately understood either.
Who 'does' Satanism? What is 'doing' Satanism? When do you 'do' Satanism? Where do you 'do' Satanism? Why do you 'do' Satanism? How do you 'do' Satanism?
Answer the questions and get back to me.
Personal Anecdote Blog
PERSONAL ANECDOTE BLOG FROM FEMALESATAN'S BLOG
I was walking down the street one day and heard two guys called me some shitty ass names. I froze, my scared little bunny came out.
But they pulled into a subway real close by, maybe a hundred feet. I stood there and it hit me. Who are you really? Are you the kind of person that takes that? Are you going to take this? What are you going to do? Just walk off or stand up for yourself? How many times does someone say something like that and then pull into a place that close to you?
This was followed by going to worst case scenario in my mind. Will they beat me up? Maybe they'll shoot me if I confront them. What's the worst that could happen (answer everybody dies, every time)?
Go for it. Face it and see what happens, actually stand up for yourself.
So I walked up and wrote down their license plate number. Walked in the Subway.
I screamed, "Hey what you said to me isn't fucking cool! You need to apologize to me! I am a person!"
Everyone jumped including the sandwich artist. The turned around. Now at this point they were pretty fucking scary in my mind. What they really were was something else entirely. They were both teenagers, one of them was in a Cub Scout uniform, LOL.
They both started hurriedly apologizing. I told them I wasn't going to call the cops and left.
Now, I know this is a little silly but it wasn't to me. It was a defining moment in my life, a moment that I practically applied this shit I talk about. I stood up and I said something. I proved to me I was the kind of person that says something when I get fucked with like that.
I was walking down the street one day and heard two guys called me some shitty ass names. I froze, my scared little bunny came out.
But they pulled into a subway real close by, maybe a hundred feet. I stood there and it hit me. Who are you really? Are you the kind of person that takes that? Are you going to take this? What are you going to do? Just walk off or stand up for yourself? How many times does someone say something like that and then pull into a place that close to you?
This was followed by going to worst case scenario in my mind. Will they beat me up? Maybe they'll shoot me if I confront them. What's the worst that could happen (answer everybody dies, every time)?
Go for it. Face it and see what happens, actually stand up for yourself.
So I walked up and wrote down their license plate number. Walked in the Subway.
I screamed, "Hey what you said to me isn't fucking cool! You need to apologize to me! I am a person!"
Everyone jumped including the sandwich artist. The turned around. Now at this point they were pretty fucking scary in my mind. What they really were was something else entirely. They were both teenagers, one of them was in a Cub Scout uniform, LOL.
They both started hurriedly apologizing. I told them I wasn't going to call the cops and left.
Now, I know this is a little silly but it wasn't to me. It was a defining moment in my life, a moment that I practically applied this shit I talk about. I stood up and I said something. I proved to me I was the kind of person that says something when I get fucked with like that.
Sunday, October 27, 2013
You Find Out Who Your Friends Are
Friend is a rather vacuous term in today's society isn't it? It doesn't denote someone that is part of your tribe, it denotes someone that you know passingly to most. It's become a bullshit term. A term that is thrown around, used by people to get, get, get, not necessarily give back.
A term that is used to exert control, to force a conformity on you, that quite simply, I can't abide at times. It makes me angry to see this happen and it happens everywhere.
Now, I don't view friendship in terms of when I am doing well. The frank truth is when you are riding high, everyone likes you. When you have, people love the shit outta you.
When I contemplate who my friends are, I think about the other times. The times the shit hit the fan. Who had my back? Who was there for me when I was at my lowest?
That's a short list, a very short list. People that were there not because I had something that they wanted but because I was one of theirs. A resonance that is borne of something deeper than just a friendship. A moment of commonality and companionship that runs deeper than any of the hubris that it defined as friendship by most.
It's something simple and something indescribably deep in places. A knowing, that this person would actually be there for me, they have already been there for me and in return I will be there for me when they fall down and have their bad moment.
Not to gain but because by knowing them I have gained something precious and irreplaceable. I gained a tribe. So I have no choice but to honor that bond, not out of a loss of freewill or a need to conform but because finding that with someone else, anybody else in a World where most people lack the ability to do that on such a fundamental level, is to precious to violate the terms of that silent agreement you made at that moment.
A term that is used to exert control, to force a conformity on you, that quite simply, I can't abide at times. It makes me angry to see this happen and it happens everywhere.
Now, I don't view friendship in terms of when I am doing well. The frank truth is when you are riding high, everyone likes you. When you have, people love the shit outta you.
When I contemplate who my friends are, I think about the other times. The times the shit hit the fan. Who had my back? Who was there for me when I was at my lowest?
That's a short list, a very short list. People that were there not because I had something that they wanted but because I was one of theirs. A resonance that is borne of something deeper than just a friendship. A moment of commonality and companionship that runs deeper than any of the hubris that it defined as friendship by most.
It's something simple and something indescribably deep in places. A knowing, that this person would actually be there for me, they have already been there for me and in return I will be there for me when they fall down and have their bad moment.
Not to gain but because by knowing them I have gained something precious and irreplaceable. I gained a tribe. So I have no choice but to honor that bond, not out of a loss of freewill or a need to conform but because finding that with someone else, anybody else in a World where most people lack the ability to do that on such a fundamental level, is to precious to violate the terms of that silent agreement you made at that moment.
Friday, October 25, 2013
Sunday, October 6, 2013
Sugar And Spice And Everything Nice
That's what Sinister Girls are made of.
femalesatan@yahoo.com
Comments welcome. I have to approve them first.
femalesatan@yahoo.com
Comments welcome. I have to approve them first.
Monday, September 30, 2013
In For A Penny, In For A Pound
I don't want to do this, I really don't. I simply want to move forward with my life and continue down my Path, SIN free. However, I looked at the homepage and you motherfuckers are killing me.
Okay, there is some air to clear. Zach is lying through his motherfucking teeth. I did NOT cuss him out via pm and I have the screnshots to prove it.
Now this is the first conversation in pm that we had. Note the date. This conversation is occurring on Spetember 6, 2013. See me and Zach had a huge dust up right before his dust up with JK. Now why does this matter? Because I simply stated my opinion, he blew up and called me names. I apologized to him to let the dust settle and let SIN move forward. I knew if it continued I would have my head chopped off. I didn't want that.
Here is the second set:
Again, note the date. This second set of pms occurs immediately after my first suspension. Was I warned before my first suspension? No, I was simply suspended. Did I cuss him out? Fuck no, that's to easy. I told him not to big dog and make threats. Now I did blow up on the forums immediately after the last pm was sent and said FUCK YOU ZACH. I was then re-suspended. Now this asshole keeps claiming that everyone doesn't know the conversations that occurred. Now you do. If he had pms that made me look bad, he would fucking share them. He did in the JK incident.
What Zach has consistently failed to realize is that my issues with him were before JK's issues. I did swallow my pride and bend over like a bitch the first time, I didn't the second time. I honestly think he is suffering from a combination of delusions and paranoia at this point. I say that because he doesn't even remember suspending Dan, he tells everyone I cussed him out in pm and truckload over other shit that is flat out false. It's like his memory is going at this point.
Another example of this outright lying is when he tells people I was axed from his Admin team. I was never an Admin. I was a Moderator and the Moderator position was removed at SIN. Two Moderators were moved to Admin (Cassie and Sammie). The rest of us were simply cut due to 'to many complaints.' Were most of those complaints about me? Yep, but again I was never warned to calm down or back off (I was told once not to be a Morgan but that was literally months before he axed Mods).
Now, on to the part that may surprise people. I don't want to be reinstated. I see how this would go and let me give you an example:
(I am un-suspended) Fuck you Zach, little whiny dog my ass. That's why you axed me instead of addressing a single point I made. man fuck you.
(re-suspended)
(I am un-suspended) Seriously, Zach you are not David Lee Roth and people that post here are the band members behind you. You are the owner of the fucking club that the band plays in. Nothing more. You are insignificant in the grand scheme of things, all you provide is the venue.
(re-suspended)
You get the idea? This would go on in perpetuity until I either 1. deleted my account or 2. Zach kept me suspended. So, it's over and done. The relationship I had with Zach is over and I am fine with that. I don't agree with the general direction that SIN is now headed and I would be vocal as Hell about it. It's bullshit.
I remember when Zach used to say that his Admin could suspend him if he got out of line. This was even tested at one point. He could still post, his physical page just said 'this User is suspended' when you clicked on it. I remember when he made Beast the manager because he said he was to hot headed to handle the decision making shit at SIN. I remember him taking a consensus in the forums consistently and LISTENING to it. If people felt he was out of line he would back up, examine the situation and change his behavior. I remember when Zach would post things thanking people for contributing and told everyone that their contribution mattered.
It's not that way now. He has declared himself The Supreme Dictator of SIN and that shit needs to be called the fuck out. I would have expected the call outs that have occurred to be a wake up call to the guy. It certainly used to be a wake up call when people did that. He's changed, he's now saying things like he built SIN single handedly. Again, horseshit his Users built that site. He doesn't contribute in any meaningful way in the forums, he never has.
I was at home on the site where the site owner was willing to admit wrongdoing, I was at home at the site where the site owner wanted his Admin team to have the ability to axe him. I am not at home at this current site. I feel like I am logging into a place that was a shell of its former glory. A place where mediocrity is valued over stratification.
I knew that I was talking shit to a motherfucking asshole drunk on alcohol, power, fame and the influence of undesirables who are using him to gain fame for their bullshit organization. I also knew he possessed a ban hammer. It's the reason for the apology the first time around. So I own my role in it. I deserve the ban and I don't want to be reinstated. I need people there to quit acting like I am a martyr. I am not. I am someone who shit talked someone with a ban hammer and payed a price for it. It's simple, let it fall off of the front page and die already.
I wouldn't come back to what I largely see as a cesspool of mediocrity with a Supreme Dictator running all. There are some quality posters there but they post elsewhere so I can catch their work. I would also like to add one more thing, I thoroughly enjoyed my time at SIN while I was there. Some of my associations shaped me, changed my Worldview, made me think, made me mad, made me laugh, made me cry. I have made some true friends there as well. I have also been really surprised at the people who stood up and said it was bullshit that I was axed. It makes me proud to of associated with y'all.
However, it is time for me to move forward. To do something different. To test out some new shark infested waters and see how the experience goes. The front page of that site say 'Adapt or be crushed under the wheels of Satanic (in my opinion take that word out) progress. The wheel turned, I didn't adapt and I got crushed. So what, in the grand scheme of things I am still here, I am still writing and SIN goes on.
Okay, there is some air to clear. Zach is lying through his motherfucking teeth. I did NOT cuss him out via pm and I have the screnshots to prove it.
Now this is the first conversation in pm that we had. Note the date. This conversation is occurring on Spetember 6, 2013. See me and Zach had a huge dust up right before his dust up with JK. Now why does this matter? Because I simply stated my opinion, he blew up and called me names. I apologized to him to let the dust settle and let SIN move forward. I knew if it continued I would have my head chopped off. I didn't want that.
Here is the second set:
Again, note the date. This second set of pms occurs immediately after my first suspension. Was I warned before my first suspension? No, I was simply suspended. Did I cuss him out? Fuck no, that's to easy. I told him not to big dog and make threats. Now I did blow up on the forums immediately after the last pm was sent and said FUCK YOU ZACH. I was then re-suspended. Now this asshole keeps claiming that everyone doesn't know the conversations that occurred. Now you do. If he had pms that made me look bad, he would fucking share them. He did in the JK incident.
What Zach has consistently failed to realize is that my issues with him were before JK's issues. I did swallow my pride and bend over like a bitch the first time, I didn't the second time. I honestly think he is suffering from a combination of delusions and paranoia at this point. I say that because he doesn't even remember suspending Dan, he tells everyone I cussed him out in pm and truckload over other shit that is flat out false. It's like his memory is going at this point.
Another example of this outright lying is when he tells people I was axed from his Admin team. I was never an Admin. I was a Moderator and the Moderator position was removed at SIN. Two Moderators were moved to Admin (Cassie and Sammie). The rest of us were simply cut due to 'to many complaints.' Were most of those complaints about me? Yep, but again I was never warned to calm down or back off (I was told once not to be a Morgan but that was literally months before he axed Mods).
Now, on to the part that may surprise people. I don't want to be reinstated. I see how this would go and let me give you an example:
(I am un-suspended) Fuck you Zach, little whiny dog my ass. That's why you axed me instead of addressing a single point I made. man fuck you.
(re-suspended)
(I am un-suspended) Seriously, Zach you are not David Lee Roth and people that post here are the band members behind you. You are the owner of the fucking club that the band plays in. Nothing more. You are insignificant in the grand scheme of things, all you provide is the venue.
(re-suspended)
You get the idea? This would go on in perpetuity until I either 1. deleted my account or 2. Zach kept me suspended. So, it's over and done. The relationship I had with Zach is over and I am fine with that. I don't agree with the general direction that SIN is now headed and I would be vocal as Hell about it. It's bullshit.
I remember when Zach used to say that his Admin could suspend him if he got out of line. This was even tested at one point. He could still post, his physical page just said 'this User is suspended' when you clicked on it. I remember when he made Beast the manager because he said he was to hot headed to handle the decision making shit at SIN. I remember him taking a consensus in the forums consistently and LISTENING to it. If people felt he was out of line he would back up, examine the situation and change his behavior. I remember when Zach would post things thanking people for contributing and told everyone that their contribution mattered.
It's not that way now. He has declared himself The Supreme Dictator of SIN and that shit needs to be called the fuck out. I would have expected the call outs that have occurred to be a wake up call to the guy. It certainly used to be a wake up call when people did that. He's changed, he's now saying things like he built SIN single handedly. Again, horseshit his Users built that site. He doesn't contribute in any meaningful way in the forums, he never has.
I was at home on the site where the site owner was willing to admit wrongdoing, I was at home at the site where the site owner wanted his Admin team to have the ability to axe him. I am not at home at this current site. I feel like I am logging into a place that was a shell of its former glory. A place where mediocrity is valued over stratification.
I knew that I was talking shit to a motherfucking asshole drunk on alcohol, power, fame and the influence of undesirables who are using him to gain fame for their bullshit organization. I also knew he possessed a ban hammer. It's the reason for the apology the first time around. So I own my role in it. I deserve the ban and I don't want to be reinstated. I need people there to quit acting like I am a martyr. I am not. I am someone who shit talked someone with a ban hammer and payed a price for it. It's simple, let it fall off of the front page and die already.
I wouldn't come back to what I largely see as a cesspool of mediocrity with a Supreme Dictator running all. There are some quality posters there but they post elsewhere so I can catch their work. I would also like to add one more thing, I thoroughly enjoyed my time at SIN while I was there. Some of my associations shaped me, changed my Worldview, made me think, made me mad, made me laugh, made me cry. I have made some true friends there as well. I have also been really surprised at the people who stood up and said it was bullshit that I was axed. It makes me proud to of associated with y'all.
However, it is time for me to move forward. To do something different. To test out some new shark infested waters and see how the experience goes. The front page of that site say 'Adapt or be crushed under the wheels of Satanic (in my opinion take that word out) progress. The wheel turned, I didn't adapt and I got crushed. So what, in the grand scheme of things I am still here, I am still writing and SIN goes on.
Saturday, September 28, 2013
I'm Just A Girl
That's all you'll let me be, oh I'm just a girl living in captivity.... (Gwen Stefani)
Sorry, all I was rocking out with my breasts out. :)
I don't make many apologies for what I am, Unless I am feeling hypocritical as fuck. A certain problem that has remained in my pursuit of the LHP is that I am a woman. I know this sounds stupid, but it's true.
When I walk a mean street I walk it in fear. In some of my doings of Satanism I have realized that a man symbolizes protection in certain situations. Having one by your side means you are less likely to get fucked with. It doesn't matter how bad ass you are in you head, in the real, where people fucking bleed for talking shit, as a woman you are a walking victim. You're smaller, you're weaker, you can be hurt easier. It doesn't matter if you have training, you are a bunny, not a lion.
I know that most women who claim to be Satanists are the equivalent of the bitch on the back of the bike. They're not a biker, they're the biker's bitch. Arm candy, a hole to have things inserted in, a groupie, not a force to be reckoned with in their own right.
I am different, I am a biker. Hell, I have a bitch or two on the back of my bike when I roll down the street. It's just the way it is. I don't want to be the monster's girlfriend, I want to be a monster in my own right.
So I actually walk my motherfucking walk. Even when it puts me in dangerous situations, even when it drags me kicking and screaming to stare at the abyss.
Danger occurs for me more than it would for a man. I have crackheads walk up to me and grab me by my arm and ask me if I want to party. I have had four guys surround me and say, 'You think you can just walk off looking the way that you do and saying the shit that you just said.' I got one down, but they made me bleed.
And my little bunny instinct kicks in and says 'RUN!!!!' I refuse to listen to it. I walk around like I am not going to die, like I am not going to suffer the ultimate consequence for living the lifestyle that I do. The bushido code can be summed up as live like you're dying. The whole idea is to die a good death with your honor not laying at your feet. That book is more my creed, my modus operandi than anything LaVey wrote. It's actually deep if you don't skim it people.
Recently some of the restrictions I have had on myself have been lifted. I have lost the only thing that stopped me from actually becoming a Satan in the real, where it matters. I'm the bad guy of that tale and it's one that will never leave my lips. I deserve the Hell I am currently walking in.
So for better or worse, I am not half assing it anymore. I find that as a woman, I am quite simply the prey of men. Yep, that's right humans are at the top of the motherfucking food chain but men sit above women. This is about physicality, not mental prowess or any hidden sacred feminine bullshit. In some situations the only thing that matters is who is stronger physically, who can hit harder and who has more stamina.
Women want to pretend this is not reality. They want to hide the fact that they are prey, that they have a little bunny instict telling them not to rock the boat, to hide and to run. The fact of the matter is this wouldn't be a Patriarchal society if men didn't dominate women in some way. If you take off the rose colored glasses and step out of the bubble of society it's there and it's manifest every day. Go sleep on the streets as a woman and see what the outcome is. Go walk through a shitty neighborhood sometime. Go out of the suburbs, off your beaten path and see what lays in the darkness seeking to take you down as a woman.
Now I was raised to play out the worst case scenario in my head before I do anything. This is actually bad advice by the way because my mind is always like 'and then everyone died.' It was my mothers way of saying see things aren't that bad. What it has done most often for me is bring out the little bunny instinct and make me go, 'nope fuck that.' So I spent a good number of years in a constant state of fear, waiting for someone to hurt me.
Here's the thing though, humans avoid pain. I have avoided situations in the past just to not hurt a little. The thing is, hurt is cleansing in a way. You can take more physically than you ever thought you could. When blood runs down your face because you actually stood the fuck up, you have a Jesus Christ I survived that moment. When you have another one of those and another one, it hits you like a ton of bricks. They may hurt me but I would truly prefer to die on my feet than live on my knees. I truly want to die with my honor intact, to know that I kicked that bunny instinct once and for all.
Women will avoid that conflict at all costs. As prey we are designed to be peace makers, not fighters. Thing is it wasn't always that way. Women were Warriors for a long ass time. Satanism is just that a motherfucking Warrior Ethos. It's not black and listening to death metal. It's not being the arm candy to some big guy and giggling like a school girl when he says something. I would much prefer to be an anomaly than the alternative, it's dishonorable as fuck to just turn the other cheek.
Sorry, all I was rocking out with my breasts out. :)
I don't make many apologies for what I am, Unless I am feeling hypocritical as fuck. A certain problem that has remained in my pursuit of the LHP is that I am a woman. I know this sounds stupid, but it's true.
When I walk a mean street I walk it in fear. In some of my doings of Satanism I have realized that a man symbolizes protection in certain situations. Having one by your side means you are less likely to get fucked with. It doesn't matter how bad ass you are in you head, in the real, where people fucking bleed for talking shit, as a woman you are a walking victim. You're smaller, you're weaker, you can be hurt easier. It doesn't matter if you have training, you are a bunny, not a lion.
I know that most women who claim to be Satanists are the equivalent of the bitch on the back of the bike. They're not a biker, they're the biker's bitch. Arm candy, a hole to have things inserted in, a groupie, not a force to be reckoned with in their own right.
I am different, I am a biker. Hell, I have a bitch or two on the back of my bike when I roll down the street. It's just the way it is. I don't want to be the monster's girlfriend, I want to be a monster in my own right.
So I actually walk my motherfucking walk. Even when it puts me in dangerous situations, even when it drags me kicking and screaming to stare at the abyss.
Danger occurs for me more than it would for a man. I have crackheads walk up to me and grab me by my arm and ask me if I want to party. I have had four guys surround me and say, 'You think you can just walk off looking the way that you do and saying the shit that you just said.' I got one down, but they made me bleed.
And my little bunny instinct kicks in and says 'RUN!!!!' I refuse to listen to it. I walk around like I am not going to die, like I am not going to suffer the ultimate consequence for living the lifestyle that I do. The bushido code can be summed up as live like you're dying. The whole idea is to die a good death with your honor not laying at your feet. That book is more my creed, my modus operandi than anything LaVey wrote. It's actually deep if you don't skim it people.
Recently some of the restrictions I have had on myself have been lifted. I have lost the only thing that stopped me from actually becoming a Satan in the real, where it matters. I'm the bad guy of that tale and it's one that will never leave my lips. I deserve the Hell I am currently walking in.
So for better or worse, I am not half assing it anymore. I find that as a woman, I am quite simply the prey of men. Yep, that's right humans are at the top of the motherfucking food chain but men sit above women. This is about physicality, not mental prowess or any hidden sacred feminine bullshit. In some situations the only thing that matters is who is stronger physically, who can hit harder and who has more stamina.
Women want to pretend this is not reality. They want to hide the fact that they are prey, that they have a little bunny instict telling them not to rock the boat, to hide and to run. The fact of the matter is this wouldn't be a Patriarchal society if men didn't dominate women in some way. If you take off the rose colored glasses and step out of the bubble of society it's there and it's manifest every day. Go sleep on the streets as a woman and see what the outcome is. Go walk through a shitty neighborhood sometime. Go out of the suburbs, off your beaten path and see what lays in the darkness seeking to take you down as a woman.
Now I was raised to play out the worst case scenario in my head before I do anything. This is actually bad advice by the way because my mind is always like 'and then everyone died.' It was my mothers way of saying see things aren't that bad. What it has done most often for me is bring out the little bunny instinct and make me go, 'nope fuck that.' So I spent a good number of years in a constant state of fear, waiting for someone to hurt me.
Here's the thing though, humans avoid pain. I have avoided situations in the past just to not hurt a little. The thing is, hurt is cleansing in a way. You can take more physically than you ever thought you could. When blood runs down your face because you actually stood the fuck up, you have a Jesus Christ I survived that moment. When you have another one of those and another one, it hits you like a ton of bricks. They may hurt me but I would truly prefer to die on my feet than live on my knees. I truly want to die with my honor intact, to know that I kicked that bunny instinct once and for all.
Women will avoid that conflict at all costs. As prey we are designed to be peace makers, not fighters. Thing is it wasn't always that way. Women were Warriors for a long ass time. Satanism is just that a motherfucking Warrior Ethos. It's not black and listening to death metal. It's not being the arm candy to some big guy and giggling like a school girl when he says something. I would much prefer to be an anomaly than the alternative, it's dishonorable as fuck to just turn the other cheek.
Thursday, September 12, 2013
Snakes In The Grass
All social interaction is a give and a take. A relationship is almost always based on things that once emotion is taken away are just transactions.
This very quickly gets into manipulation of others. The attempt by you to gain from someone else without giving much. You can see this social manipulation everywhere you go. When you deal with Satanists its discussed with a viewpoint that lacks the moral repugnance you will see from other groups. People boast and brag about the manipulative skills or how they have done this or that to someone else. Like it's somehow different than what is done subconsciously by all humans on a daily basis.
Let's put that shoe on the other foot for a minute. It's always perfectly fine when you are on top and the one manipulating the shit outta someone. It sucks when it's done to you. It will just piss you off that it happened to you.
And everyone has had it happen to them. Everyone gets screwed over by someone else sometime. Your boss asks you to do a little extra work in order to get promoted but the promotion never comes. You fuck somebody and they don't call you back. You realize you are buying a whole lot of dinner and drinks for your friend but they don't reciprocate. Whatever, you get fucked over like you bent over and begged for it.
One night I went to a bar and started talking to this really cute guy. The first thing I said to him was, "Hi, do you have a condom?" Yes, I am this kind of slut when I am in excruciating mental pain, it's a side effect. I refused to let him buy me any drinks. I went to his car fucked him and said to him, "Thanks." and got out of his car. He kept saying where are you going?, what are you doing?, etc. I felt sorry for him and gave him my phone number.
This motherfucker blew my phone up for about a week. I know on the surface it looks like something any dude would want. However, because I was the one manipulating him into a one night stand he was hurt and pissed over the whole thing. One of his messages he left was something to the effect of he has one night stands all the time but NO woman just fucks him and doesn't call him back.
It happens to me all the time as well. Someone manipulates me and succeeds I feel like a moron. I am hurt, I am pissed off, I feel betrayed, used. Now considering that I can intellectually figure out that this is what most social interaction is based on I shouldn't feel that way. Considering I discuss this concept quite frequently with a moral detachment why do I suddenly feel moral repugnance when it happens to me?
'Do unto others as they do unto you' is all fine and good until someone does to me what I do to others. Like any monkey behavior I see in myself it's hypocritical as fuck. It's yet another example of how I intellectualize something without accounting for the emotional component.
I was standing in line at a coffee place and realized I was totally flirting with some guy I had no intention of having anything to do with. He was cute and I hate paying for my own coffee. I caught myself flipping my hair mid -standing in line- conversation with him. I actually thought, 'the fuck are you doing Jeanette' when he said, 'What kind of coffee do you want?'
I also watch other people for manipulative behavior and examine past interactions for any hint of manipulation in them. I think things like, 'did he actually think I was intelligent or was it an excuse to get into my pants.' 'is she using me?' 'When that happened five years ago was he intending to fuck me over?'
Just a loop that is paranoid as fuck but utterly realistic. People, whether they realize it or not, are snakes in the grass. Since I know that, I don't want to get bitten.
This very quickly gets into manipulation of others. The attempt by you to gain from someone else without giving much. You can see this social manipulation everywhere you go. When you deal with Satanists its discussed with a viewpoint that lacks the moral repugnance you will see from other groups. People boast and brag about the manipulative skills or how they have done this or that to someone else. Like it's somehow different than what is done subconsciously by all humans on a daily basis.
Let's put that shoe on the other foot for a minute. It's always perfectly fine when you are on top and the one manipulating the shit outta someone. It sucks when it's done to you. It will just piss you off that it happened to you.
And everyone has had it happen to them. Everyone gets screwed over by someone else sometime. Your boss asks you to do a little extra work in order to get promoted but the promotion never comes. You fuck somebody and they don't call you back. You realize you are buying a whole lot of dinner and drinks for your friend but they don't reciprocate. Whatever, you get fucked over like you bent over and begged for it.
One night I went to a bar and started talking to this really cute guy. The first thing I said to him was, "Hi, do you have a condom?" Yes, I am this kind of slut when I am in excruciating mental pain, it's a side effect. I refused to let him buy me any drinks. I went to his car fucked him and said to him, "Thanks." and got out of his car. He kept saying where are you going?, what are you doing?, etc. I felt sorry for him and gave him my phone number.
This motherfucker blew my phone up for about a week. I know on the surface it looks like something any dude would want. However, because I was the one manipulating him into a one night stand he was hurt and pissed over the whole thing. One of his messages he left was something to the effect of he has one night stands all the time but NO woman just fucks him and doesn't call him back.
It happens to me all the time as well. Someone manipulates me and succeeds I feel like a moron. I am hurt, I am pissed off, I feel betrayed, used. Now considering that I can intellectually figure out that this is what most social interaction is based on I shouldn't feel that way. Considering I discuss this concept quite frequently with a moral detachment why do I suddenly feel moral repugnance when it happens to me?
'Do unto others as they do unto you' is all fine and good until someone does to me what I do to others. Like any monkey behavior I see in myself it's hypocritical as fuck. It's yet another example of how I intellectualize something without accounting for the emotional component.
I was standing in line at a coffee place and realized I was totally flirting with some guy I had no intention of having anything to do with. He was cute and I hate paying for my own coffee. I caught myself flipping my hair mid -standing in line- conversation with him. I actually thought, 'the fuck are you doing Jeanette' when he said, 'What kind of coffee do you want?'
I also watch other people for manipulative behavior and examine past interactions for any hint of manipulation in them. I think things like, 'did he actually think I was intelligent or was it an excuse to get into my pants.' 'is she using me?' 'When that happened five years ago was he intending to fuck me over?'
Just a loop that is paranoid as fuck but utterly realistic. People, whether they realize it or not, are snakes in the grass. Since I know that, I don't want to get bitten.
Sunday, September 8, 2013
Creating
In order to create one has to dig into their mind, find something they feel is worthy of fleshing out, of discovering more fully and then make it with a combination of their imagination and a tool. A worthy thing to attempt. It's difficult to create something worthy of more than a passing glance. It's difficult to wade through what is and isn't good as the creator.
You don't see the flaws or you see every glaring flaw that exists. You want to fix the mistakes. So you start fucking with your creation. Moving this around. Moving that around. Adding this. Taking away that.
You want to start over. You have made the thing unrecognizable from its original intention. It looked better with the imperfections you attempted to fix. It's just a mess now, it's incomprehensible what you were attempting to do to being with. You want to destroy the thing you attempted to discover more fully.
You get hit with the dawning realization that it's you. You are the one that is imperfect. The creation was always perfect. It's you that lacks talent, it's you who made the mistakes.
The tool was a blank canvas you attempted to put the creation on. It's you that made this awful messy thing that looks nothing like what you saw in your head. It's you who made garbage out of nothing.
Now what? Simple, you start over and see what you find worthy of fleshing out that exists in your head, of discovering more fully.
You don't see the flaws or you see every glaring flaw that exists. You want to fix the mistakes. So you start fucking with your creation. Moving this around. Moving that around. Adding this. Taking away that.
You want to start over. You have made the thing unrecognizable from its original intention. It looked better with the imperfections you attempted to fix. It's just a mess now, it's incomprehensible what you were attempting to do to being with. You want to destroy the thing you attempted to discover more fully.
You get hit with the dawning realization that it's you. You are the one that is imperfect. The creation was always perfect. It's you that lacks talent, it's you who made the mistakes.
The tool was a blank canvas you attempted to put the creation on. It's you that made this awful messy thing that looks nothing like what you saw in your head. It's you who made garbage out of nothing.
Now what? Simple, you start over and see what you find worthy of fleshing out that exists in your head, of discovering more fully.
Tuesday, August 13, 2013
Swallowing Your Teeth
Sometimes, it happens. Life and all of it's bullshit rocks you a bit. For all of my posturing about loving adversity, I only enjoy it until it makes me swallow my teeth.
I am not talking about any of this internet bullshit, I am talking about REAL SHIT. Death, disaster, illness, violence, life altering moments. Moments where the vacuous nature of adversarial discussions bleeds through because something real rocks you, knocks you on your ass, takes your breath out of you. Should I care that some moron made another sock account, when something really bad is happening right now, in front of my eyes and not on computer screen? Of course not and anyone who tries to conflate what happens online with what happens offline, is missing the point of what I am saying. I fully acknowledge that emotional investment online exists, I have it myself. I am simply trying to frame my little ramble so I don't get comments on it that make me want to hurt people. ;)
Recently I have seen more bad, life rocking shit than I saw in my previous 32 years. Every time yet another one of these pops up, the optimist popped up as well. I hate her she lives in my head and clouds my clarity. Give it time she says, things will go back to the way they were. You won't feel like this forever. These moments are passing. Every cloud has a silver lining. The bitch likes platitudes, lol.
What she is the same exact kind of hope and faith shit I am supposed to hate and despise but find my mind clinging to when the shit is hitting the fan. I know where this coping mechanism comes from. My dark and disaster ridden childhood. I learned from an early age that you always put on a good front. You cover up the darkness, the bumps, bruises, and emotional scars with a smile. You keep your shit bottled up. You shut the door on it when you leave the house and that's where it stays until you walk back in the door.
People truly don't give a fuck. They never have. Your disasters are yours. So when asked you put on a smile and say everything is fine. You don't talk about it, talking about is makes it more real somehow, talking about your own shit makes you have to hear people say things that sound exactly like that little voice in my head I despise. I am not an open person, I never have been and honestly, I don't want to be.
I will get through everything the same way that I always have. With my head down, my cloak of stubbornness on, and my sword of tenacity in my hand. Eventually, I will see the other side of what is happening. I always do.
Recently something is changing though. My mind and the way I perceive things is changing as well. I am starting to realize that I may be encountering my new normal, that I may be, just maybe, be getting to see the man behind the curtain of 'status quo' reality.
Those 32 previous years were Alice living in her own little Wonderland. Not just mentally but physically as well. That I was self entitled, pampered, spoiled little brat for the majority of my life. Dark childhood, please. Is it a Western thing? Abso-fucking-lutely. Unlike other people, I get that my Worldview and what I view as normal, acceptable, etc is directly in correlation with what well... everyone else views as normal and acceptable. That when it comes to the terra firma (sorry DD, it's a good way to say it) of my reality it is based in the smoke and mirrors that is the Western mindset.
So when things deviate from that, I find myself going what the fuck is this shit? Over and over again, into perpetuity.
I mention this because I realize that for me at least, I prefer conflict that I am victorious in. The kind where I lose and I lose big teaches me more, shapes my perspective more, but the emotional part of me just wants to throw up her hands, curl up into a ball and cry. The intellectual gets the necessity of real adversity, the kind where you lose, you almost don't get out alive and if you do, you are almost crippled psychologically. The other aspect, just wants it to stop.
I am not talking about any of this internet bullshit, I am talking about REAL SHIT. Death, disaster, illness, violence, life altering moments. Moments where the vacuous nature of adversarial discussions bleeds through because something real rocks you, knocks you on your ass, takes your breath out of you. Should I care that some moron made another sock account, when something really bad is happening right now, in front of my eyes and not on computer screen? Of course not and anyone who tries to conflate what happens online with what happens offline, is missing the point of what I am saying. I fully acknowledge that emotional investment online exists, I have it myself. I am simply trying to frame my little ramble so I don't get comments on it that make me want to hurt people. ;)
Recently I have seen more bad, life rocking shit than I saw in my previous 32 years. Every time yet another one of these pops up, the optimist popped up as well. I hate her she lives in my head and clouds my clarity. Give it time she says, things will go back to the way they were. You won't feel like this forever. These moments are passing. Every cloud has a silver lining. The bitch likes platitudes, lol.
What she is the same exact kind of hope and faith shit I am supposed to hate and despise but find my mind clinging to when the shit is hitting the fan. I know where this coping mechanism comes from. My dark and disaster ridden childhood. I learned from an early age that you always put on a good front. You cover up the darkness, the bumps, bruises, and emotional scars with a smile. You keep your shit bottled up. You shut the door on it when you leave the house and that's where it stays until you walk back in the door.
People truly don't give a fuck. They never have. Your disasters are yours. So when asked you put on a smile and say everything is fine. You don't talk about it, talking about is makes it more real somehow, talking about your own shit makes you have to hear people say things that sound exactly like that little voice in my head I despise. I am not an open person, I never have been and honestly, I don't want to be.
I will get through everything the same way that I always have. With my head down, my cloak of stubbornness on, and my sword of tenacity in my hand. Eventually, I will see the other side of what is happening. I always do.
Recently something is changing though. My mind and the way I perceive things is changing as well. I am starting to realize that I may be encountering my new normal, that I may be, just maybe, be getting to see the man behind the curtain of 'status quo' reality.
Those 32 previous years were Alice living in her own little Wonderland. Not just mentally but physically as well. That I was self entitled, pampered, spoiled little brat for the majority of my life. Dark childhood, please. Is it a Western thing? Abso-fucking-lutely. Unlike other people, I get that my Worldview and what I view as normal, acceptable, etc is directly in correlation with what well... everyone else views as normal and acceptable. That when it comes to the terra firma (sorry DD, it's a good way to say it) of my reality it is based in the smoke and mirrors that is the Western mindset.
So when things deviate from that, I find myself going what the fuck is this shit? Over and over again, into perpetuity.
I mention this because I realize that for me at least, I prefer conflict that I am victorious in. The kind where I lose and I lose big teaches me more, shapes my perspective more, but the emotional part of me just wants to throw up her hands, curl up into a ball and cry. The intellectual gets the necessity of real adversity, the kind where you lose, you almost don't get out alive and if you do, you are almost crippled psychologically. The other aspect, just wants it to stop.
Saturday, August 10, 2013
Wondering About Wonder Woman
Who is she? I she a feminazi like Frank Miller portrayed her? The Spirit of Truth as done by George Perez? Or something more curious, more vital than any modern authors interpretation?
William Moulton Marston created her. She's different than other Super Heroes, not because she's a woman. The reason is because of her creator. He was a psychologist, writer, feminist and had a huge bondage fetish. He wanted to be dominated by a strong, indomitable woman and created Wonder Woman to be the embodiment of his theories.
His theory was that women were superior to men because of their loving submission to men. His theory was that if women ruled the World it would be perfect.
Wonder Woman was the answer in his mind. Give girls a strong role model, someone on par with SuperMan would help change women's perception of their place. Wonder Woman was created from clay, this did away with her having a male parent. She lived on Paradise Island, an island devoid of men that is written as a utopia. She wears a costume that embodies that she has no shame in sexuality, it is rife with his fetishism. She carries a rope that makes people obey her. She leaves Paradise Island because she falls in love with a man who landed there. So she leaves with him to be an ambassador for her people in the Man's World. She's going to teach us their ways. She is also tied up, chained up, spanked, etc in the early comics.
Did his experiment work? Ah Hell yeah, she's the most visible female comic book character ever.
What's the issue with Wonder Woman? What does she have no movie? Why outside of being recognizable as the female Super hero does she suffer from an odd vagueness when you talk to people about her? Well, no other author is going to be Marlston. They haven't hired another psychologist/bondage/feminist writers to continue to write her. So she has been reinterpreted over and over again. Modern day feminists find her bondage roots to be icky, so they are shied away from. The Lasso of Obedience has become The Lasso of truth.
Women get super fucking pissy at the submission concept. It's ridiculous if you ever read a comic book forum at the venom that gets spewed when someone brings up the fact that one of her aspects is her author's S and M fetish. Also, her costume. My God, people hate the idea of changing it at all (fun fact she wore a skirt originally).
The person writing her newest run is Brian Azzarello. He has done some interesting things with her. She is now the daughter of Zeus. She is a Demi-God, trained in the art of battle by Ares. The Amazons rape and kill men in an effort to get impregnated and then kill any male infants born or sell them into slavery. Her costume, well Hell looks exactly the same. She mostly fights other Gods and he is doing a more mythological oriented book. She is also SuperMan's girlfriend (this is canon in the New 52).
Her fans have all kinds of opinions about all of this. Most think it's bullshit, that's she's been turned into nothing but SuperMan's arm candy, that she is to hot headed in the new runs of Justice League. These are the same people that hate Frank Miller's feminazi Wonder Woman. These are the same people that hate the costume change that Jim Lee did.
Now why does all of this matter? Because Marlton got exactly what he wanted. She is a feminist icon and very accurately reflects the transition in how society views women and feminists. She has changed dramatically over time, evolved as perceptions of women have. She's become independent, she is finally choosing to be with a man who is her equivalent and her equal.
I like the new Wonder Woman comics. My daughter has recently got into them and I read them when she's done. It's great to see Azzarello's attempts to ground her a bit, give her depth, make her a little less one dimensional, a little less of just an icon and more of a woman.
That's what Wonder Woman lacks that Super Heroes like Superman and Batman have. She's a Wonder, but who is the Woman? That's an aspect of her character that still needs to be told, in a Post-Feminist era, while still nodding to the original creator. That's the struggle, that's what makes her difficult to write or sum up in a few sentences. Like all women she is an enigma, something that men have a difficulty understanding.
William Moulton Marston created her. She's different than other Super Heroes, not because she's a woman. The reason is because of her creator. He was a psychologist, writer, feminist and had a huge bondage fetish. He wanted to be dominated by a strong, indomitable woman and created Wonder Woman to be the embodiment of his theories.
His theory was that women were superior to men because of their loving submission to men. His theory was that if women ruled the World it would be perfect.
Wonder Woman was the answer in his mind. Give girls a strong role model, someone on par with SuperMan would help change women's perception of their place. Wonder Woman was created from clay, this did away with her having a male parent. She lived on Paradise Island, an island devoid of men that is written as a utopia. She wears a costume that embodies that she has no shame in sexuality, it is rife with his fetishism. She carries a rope that makes people obey her. She leaves Paradise Island because she falls in love with a man who landed there. So she leaves with him to be an ambassador for her people in the Man's World. She's going to teach us their ways. She is also tied up, chained up, spanked, etc in the early comics.
Did his experiment work? Ah Hell yeah, she's the most visible female comic book character ever.
What's the issue with Wonder Woman? What does she have no movie? Why outside of being recognizable as the female Super hero does she suffer from an odd vagueness when you talk to people about her? Well, no other author is going to be Marlston. They haven't hired another psychologist/bondage/feminist writers to continue to write her. So she has been reinterpreted over and over again. Modern day feminists find her bondage roots to be icky, so they are shied away from. The Lasso of Obedience has become The Lasso of truth.
Women get super fucking pissy at the submission concept. It's ridiculous if you ever read a comic book forum at the venom that gets spewed when someone brings up the fact that one of her aspects is her author's S and M fetish. Also, her costume. My God, people hate the idea of changing it at all (fun fact she wore a skirt originally).
The person writing her newest run is Brian Azzarello. He has done some interesting things with her. She is now the daughter of Zeus. She is a Demi-God, trained in the art of battle by Ares. The Amazons rape and kill men in an effort to get impregnated and then kill any male infants born or sell them into slavery. Her costume, well Hell looks exactly the same. She mostly fights other Gods and he is doing a more mythological oriented book. She is also SuperMan's girlfriend (this is canon in the New 52).
Her fans have all kinds of opinions about all of this. Most think it's bullshit, that's she's been turned into nothing but SuperMan's arm candy, that she is to hot headed in the new runs of Justice League. These are the same people that hate Frank Miller's feminazi Wonder Woman. These are the same people that hate the costume change that Jim Lee did.
Now why does all of this matter? Because Marlton got exactly what he wanted. She is a feminist icon and very accurately reflects the transition in how society views women and feminists. She has changed dramatically over time, evolved as perceptions of women have. She's become independent, she is finally choosing to be with a man who is her equivalent and her equal.
I like the new Wonder Woman comics. My daughter has recently got into them and I read them when she's done. It's great to see Azzarello's attempts to ground her a bit, give her depth, make her a little less one dimensional, a little less of just an icon and more of a woman.
That's what Wonder Woman lacks that Super Heroes like Superman and Batman have. She's a Wonder, but who is the Woman? That's an aspect of her character that still needs to be told, in a Post-Feminist era, while still nodding to the original creator. That's the struggle, that's what makes her difficult to write or sum up in a few sentences. Like all women she is an enigma, something that men have a difficulty understanding.
Wednesday, July 3, 2013
I Don't Give A Fuck
I don't give a fuck.
Anybody see posts like this over and over again?
I do and I have to say it's bullshit. The number one symptom of not giving a fuck is apathy. So running around telling people you don't give a fuck shows you do, in fact give a fuck.
I understand why you give a fuck. Wanting people to like you is a natural thing. Wanting friends is a natural thing. Satanists are hard nuts to crack and being able to tell if they like you or if they don't is difficult. Being able to tell if your posts make a difference or not is difficult.
I used to be the same way. I was raised to be a people pleaser to put others needs before my own. I still give a fuck about people's opinions of me if and only if they have broke through the wall I have built around myself.
The wall exists from being hurt, by having my ass handed to me over and over again by life. It's not a path I would recommend to others. I don't want to be suspicious of others. I don't want to constantly watch my back, be prepared for the knife to go in. That attitude has been born out of necessity. From stepping out of the mainstream long enough to see the monster that lies underneath the veneer of the status quo.
So just fucking stop already. The number of people you are fooling with your I don't give a fuck status is zero. If you didn't give a fuck, you wouldn't be posting it.
Anybody see posts like this over and over again?
I do and I have to say it's bullshit. The number one symptom of not giving a fuck is apathy. So running around telling people you don't give a fuck shows you do, in fact give a fuck.
I understand why you give a fuck. Wanting people to like you is a natural thing. Wanting friends is a natural thing. Satanists are hard nuts to crack and being able to tell if they like you or if they don't is difficult. Being able to tell if your posts make a difference or not is difficult.
I used to be the same way. I was raised to be a people pleaser to put others needs before my own. I still give a fuck about people's opinions of me if and only if they have broke through the wall I have built around myself.
The wall exists from being hurt, by having my ass handed to me over and over again by life. It's not a path I would recommend to others. I don't want to be suspicious of others. I don't want to constantly watch my back, be prepared for the knife to go in. That attitude has been born out of necessity. From stepping out of the mainstream long enough to see the monster that lies underneath the veneer of the status quo.
So just fucking stop already. The number of people you are fooling with your I don't give a fuck status is zero. If you didn't give a fuck, you wouldn't be posting it.
Wednesday, May 22, 2013
I Just Want To Meet Like Minded Individuals
Fuck me I am tired of hearing this phrase.
Why do you want to meet like minded individuals? Do you really think every goddamn idea in your head is that fucking good? Do you really want to meet a bunch of people who bob their head in agreement every time you have a fucking brain fart and spew it out on the internet?
See, I don't really seek like minded individuals. I seek people that are frustratingly different than me in mindset. I seek people that challenge what I think, that make me question all of those grand fucking ideas I have in my head.
I am wrong and I am wrong a lot. I don't have everything figured out. I don't pretend to have everything figured out. I haven't had every experience, I haven't drank from every cup of knowledge in existence and that leads me to seek out other who may know something that I don't.
Conflict breeds growth. People challenging you breeds growth, especially if you approach it with the right mindset. Some are going to be idiotic fucking tools, but not all of them are. You may even learn something about yourself from the ones that are idiotic fucking tools.
The thing I do seek in a 'like minded individuals' manner, is people that view conflict the way I do.
Now that you've joined this forum and made your trite, bland and heavily recycled intro post saying that you want to meet like minded individuals, what are you going to do when you come across someone who isn't like minded? What are you going to do when someone says one of your oh so brilliant ideas is shit?
Why do you want to meet like minded individuals? Do you really think every goddamn idea in your head is that fucking good? Do you really want to meet a bunch of people who bob their head in agreement every time you have a fucking brain fart and spew it out on the internet?
See, I don't really seek like minded individuals. I seek people that are frustratingly different than me in mindset. I seek people that challenge what I think, that make me question all of those grand fucking ideas I have in my head.
I am wrong and I am wrong a lot. I don't have everything figured out. I don't pretend to have everything figured out. I haven't had every experience, I haven't drank from every cup of knowledge in existence and that leads me to seek out other who may know something that I don't.
Conflict breeds growth. People challenging you breeds growth, especially if you approach it with the right mindset. Some are going to be idiotic fucking tools, but not all of them are. You may even learn something about yourself from the ones that are idiotic fucking tools.
The thing I do seek in a 'like minded individuals' manner, is people that view conflict the way I do.
Now that you've joined this forum and made your trite, bland and heavily recycled intro post saying that you want to meet like minded individuals, what are you going to do when you come across someone who isn't like minded? What are you going to do when someone says one of your oh so brilliant ideas is shit?
Wednesday, April 10, 2013
The Schism
Within Satanism there are two primary schools of thought emerging. One school of thought views Satanism as a Philosophy, the other views Satanism as a Praxis. Lately, the two have been butting heads in a major way and one that surprises me. I truly think that Satanism is both a Philosophy and a Praxis. Like anything else, in order to truly be able to say a label defines you, one has to live that label, embrace it as an action, thinking is simply not enough.
The philosophical Satanist has obvious roots. People like Bloom, Rand, LaVey, Jason King and others have put forth a viewpoint that the World is Satanic. that embracing the way things truly are is to embrace things like conflict, adversity, strife, and other concepts that have ground shaking consequences on the psyche. To understand that the World is Satanic is to embrace the World as it really is, to realize that your base human nature is somehow glorious, even Godly (hate that word) in nature.
The Praxis oriented Satanist has its roots in Vamachara, Anton Long, Dan Dread, Diavolo and others. The viewpoint is that one cannot claim a label unless they live that label. While the ONA put forth a very specific list of things to do in order to achieve this level of knowledge with the Seven Fold Sinister Way, more modern authors equate this to busting personal chains on the psyche. Some will be common to most people living in a certain society, others will be more personal and individual.
Okay, brief history and shout outs to various thinkers is done.
When I read these various authors one overarching theme comes to mind. The RHP has its roots in repressing human nature and rejecting it outright. The LHP seems to be more about embracing that human nature and rejecting the status quo.
Neither school of thought has its roots in just thinking thoughts in order to be _________. Can a good Christian be out lusting after others, drinking, smoking, fighting, cheating and stealing? No. Can a decent Satanist have a life that basically resembles everyone else's, never go outside of their comfort zone and still use that label and use it meaningfully? No.
It's that simple. I can do it with ANY school of thought. Can a Wiccan worship just the God or do they have to embrace the Sacred Feminine as well? Can a Thelemite just read some Crowley and that's it? No, each involves action of some kind, rather it's a lifestyle, ritual work, or something else.
So I obviously fall into the Praxis camp. Why? I was raised to never do anything luke-warm. You love, you go all in. You hate, you go all in. You want to have children, you go all in. No half assing anything. It's not enough to call yourself something and be done with it. ANYTHING worth labeling yourself has to be something that describes you and the way you act, that, if necessary, defines and changes your life.
When I came to the realization that the World was somehow reflecting the phenomenon trying to be captured with the word Satan, another realization followed. It's not enough to recognize, one has to be it, one has to act as Satan would. One has to rage war with the status quo, even if it's the parts of it that exists in their own mind.
Taking it a step forward, my own veneer put on this phenomenon is that it is female and declaring war on a male status quo, the patriarchy as it currently stands. If Satan represents Nature or the World, than Satan is female, as is all Goddesses who have represented the Earth. Even if they are dried, decaying shells of what I feel when I contemplate this. Rage, anger, hatred are all part and parcel for my own personal conception of this Female Satan that clunks around in my head.
My Own Personal Issues With Both Schools of Thought
I find the philosophical Satanist and their understanding of the World to be vital to understanding why one should DO the DO, so to speak. One has to find a growing hatred with things that want to oppress human nature, with ways of life that oppress this phenomenon all of us attempt to describe, that want to force you into some kind of box and make you conform to their standards.
Once that hatred is found, declaring a personal war on the status quo is the next logical step. Deciding that you will cut your own Path, do your own thing, try to discover who you really are free of these societal memes is a logical next step. What's the point in being able to point to and understand something if you do not act on that realization?
My own personal contention with the Philosophical Satanist is that to many do just that. They recognize the phenomenon and then stop. They do nothing else whatsoever. They may rant and rage about this and that, but ultimately they are full of hot air. Like the teenager who HATES their parents but never sneaks out, never dyes their hair an outrageous color, they just keep doing what their parents say. All of the rebelling takes place inside their mind. So it fails ultimately.
The Praxis Satanist has another pox that exists in its camp. It's people that make the claim that they are doing all of these grand, evil, Sinister shit but they're really not. They're chest thumping and honestly, are more fucking annoying than almost anything else I run into. I find people that run around bragging or acting like they are completely immoral to be missing some fundamental thing I have found since I started breaking my own psychological chains.
I spend most of my time when this is done and done right feeling anything but victorious. It makes me feel melancholic, lonely, bitter, small, defenseless, weak, and scared. I want to go back and not know what I now know. I want to cry and beat my head against a wall for hours. I feel less like a bad ass everyday and more vulnerable than ever, more fragile, more human. NOBODY ever told me that's what the 'doing' of Satanism gets you. NOBODY attached a warning label to it. They all ran around talking about how awesome and free they feel. The bastards lied to me, they beat their chests and denied the darker aspects of this shit. Sometimes in my darkest moments I wonder if I am somehow not doing this the right way. All of my realizations are just how small, weak and pathetic I really am.
Conclusion
Both schools of thought have something to offer and one should read all of these perspectives in order to understand what they are getting into and why it is important. Go farther than just reading some shit though, don't be luke-warm about your Satanism. There should be more fire in the belly of a Satanist than a Christian. Let them live lives that are not reflecting their chosen Paths.
FS
The philosophical Satanist has obvious roots. People like Bloom, Rand, LaVey, Jason King and others have put forth a viewpoint that the World is Satanic. that embracing the way things truly are is to embrace things like conflict, adversity, strife, and other concepts that have ground shaking consequences on the psyche. To understand that the World is Satanic is to embrace the World as it really is, to realize that your base human nature is somehow glorious, even Godly (hate that word) in nature.
The Praxis oriented Satanist has its roots in Vamachara, Anton Long, Dan Dread, Diavolo and others. The viewpoint is that one cannot claim a label unless they live that label. While the ONA put forth a very specific list of things to do in order to achieve this level of knowledge with the Seven Fold Sinister Way, more modern authors equate this to busting personal chains on the psyche. Some will be common to most people living in a certain society, others will be more personal and individual.
Okay, brief history and shout outs to various thinkers is done.
When I read these various authors one overarching theme comes to mind. The RHP has its roots in repressing human nature and rejecting it outright. The LHP seems to be more about embracing that human nature and rejecting the status quo.
Neither school of thought has its roots in just thinking thoughts in order to be _________. Can a good Christian be out lusting after others, drinking, smoking, fighting, cheating and stealing? No. Can a decent Satanist have a life that basically resembles everyone else's, never go outside of their comfort zone and still use that label and use it meaningfully? No.
It's that simple. I can do it with ANY school of thought. Can a Wiccan worship just the God or do they have to embrace the Sacred Feminine as well? Can a Thelemite just read some Crowley and that's it? No, each involves action of some kind, rather it's a lifestyle, ritual work, or something else.
So I obviously fall into the Praxis camp. Why? I was raised to never do anything luke-warm. You love, you go all in. You hate, you go all in. You want to have children, you go all in. No half assing anything. It's not enough to call yourself something and be done with it. ANYTHING worth labeling yourself has to be something that describes you and the way you act, that, if necessary, defines and changes your life.
When I came to the realization that the World was somehow reflecting the phenomenon trying to be captured with the word Satan, another realization followed. It's not enough to recognize, one has to be it, one has to act as Satan would. One has to rage war with the status quo, even if it's the parts of it that exists in their own mind.
Taking it a step forward, my own veneer put on this phenomenon is that it is female and declaring war on a male status quo, the patriarchy as it currently stands. If Satan represents Nature or the World, than Satan is female, as is all Goddesses who have represented the Earth. Even if they are dried, decaying shells of what I feel when I contemplate this. Rage, anger, hatred are all part and parcel for my own personal conception of this Female Satan that clunks around in my head.
My Own Personal Issues With Both Schools of Thought
I find the philosophical Satanist and their understanding of the World to be vital to understanding why one should DO the DO, so to speak. One has to find a growing hatred with things that want to oppress human nature, with ways of life that oppress this phenomenon all of us attempt to describe, that want to force you into some kind of box and make you conform to their standards.
Once that hatred is found, declaring a personal war on the status quo is the next logical step. Deciding that you will cut your own Path, do your own thing, try to discover who you really are free of these societal memes is a logical next step. What's the point in being able to point to and understand something if you do not act on that realization?
My own personal contention with the Philosophical Satanist is that to many do just that. They recognize the phenomenon and then stop. They do nothing else whatsoever. They may rant and rage about this and that, but ultimately they are full of hot air. Like the teenager who HATES their parents but never sneaks out, never dyes their hair an outrageous color, they just keep doing what their parents say. All of the rebelling takes place inside their mind. So it fails ultimately.
The Praxis Satanist has another pox that exists in its camp. It's people that make the claim that they are doing all of these grand, evil, Sinister shit but they're really not. They're chest thumping and honestly, are more fucking annoying than almost anything else I run into. I find people that run around bragging or acting like they are completely immoral to be missing some fundamental thing I have found since I started breaking my own psychological chains.
I spend most of my time when this is done and done right feeling anything but victorious. It makes me feel melancholic, lonely, bitter, small, defenseless, weak, and scared. I want to go back and not know what I now know. I want to cry and beat my head against a wall for hours. I feel less like a bad ass everyday and more vulnerable than ever, more fragile, more human. NOBODY ever told me that's what the 'doing' of Satanism gets you. NOBODY attached a warning label to it. They all ran around talking about how awesome and free they feel. The bastards lied to me, they beat their chests and denied the darker aspects of this shit. Sometimes in my darkest moments I wonder if I am somehow not doing this the right way. All of my realizations are just how small, weak and pathetic I really am.
Conclusion
Both schools of thought have something to offer and one should read all of these perspectives in order to understand what they are getting into and why it is important. Go farther than just reading some shit though, don't be luke-warm about your Satanism. There should be more fire in the belly of a Satanist than a Christian. Let them live lives that are not reflecting their chosen Paths.
FS
Sunday, March 31, 2013
Wednesday, March 20, 2013
Rant A Little, Rant A Lot
In life and modern society there is a gross idea that a woman is responsible for a violent crime if she behaves or dresses in a certain manner. The worst part is that this idea is most commonly perpetuated by women about other women. I see posts like this all the time: Don't tell people you're a naughty girl and not expect retaliation. Don't walk around with your tits hanging out or in a short skirt and not expect to get raped??
What the fuck is wrong with you people? Is this the motherfucking dark ages? Are you a member of the Taliban?? This mentality is what keeps women in the Middle East wearing fucking beekeeper outfits as everyday wear. This is remnants of the mentality that got women burned at the stake for not fitting in and conforming to the standard of the day. This is the reason people were stoned.
It disgusts me for a lot of reasons. It paints men as some kind of monster that doesn't have the self control to realize that just because a woman is displaying her goods, doesn't mean they're for sale. It paints men as the type of creature that just bangs women over the head and has their way with them because they can't control their urges.
It puts an odd level of responsibility on a woman's shoulders. I'm supposed to what, figure out the line that won't make men lose control and only wear things in that clothing range. I'm supposed to, after being physically assaulted sit around and try to figure out if I did something to turn that guy on?
I'm drawing my line in the sand and calling bullshit on ALL OF THIS.
1. Rape is not about sexual desire in 'traditional'terms. Rape is a form of violence, it just happens to be a sexual assault as opposed to physical assault. It's not that a woman looked so good a guy was completely overwhelmed by sexual desire and his brain turned off. Rape is about dominance, d00d's wires are crossed and violence turns them on. In my self defense class I learned several techniques to prevent physical assault (rape is a physical assault). One was to not protect the image of a victim. Has nothing to do with what you wear, it has to do with body language, look straight ahead, shoulders back, project an aura of confidence, not victimization. The other one was if someone does grab you and starts raping you don't cry, don't struggle, don't beg. Just lay there. A good number of times they will lose arousal as a result of this.
2. I have been completely naked in front of lots of men for a living. Most treat you with an odd kind of reverence when you are half dressed or undressed. Men don't lose all of their faculties at the sight of a woman nude. They can still THINK. Hell, they can discuss the stock market with you or their job with no problem.
3. American women are weird. They think that projecting an overly sexual image is an indication of being sexually mature. Y'all know what I'm talking about. The woman who tells you how much she likes to give head. The woman who tells you about all the threesomes she's had. The woman who calls herself shit like dirty girl. This kind of sexuality is indicative of being sexually immature and not really knowing what she wants. It's the equivalent of a little girl in her mommy's high heels wearing red lipstick. I personally feel Western sexuality is so in your face because most people are still uncomfortable with their sexuality.
4. I frequently use sexual manipulation to gain in life. I make no apologies for this, it's like breathing for me, sometimes I am not aware I am doing it. One thing I have learned in life is that Women aren't as physically strong as men, one of the things women have in their toolbox that works to gain in life is sexual manipulation. The mentality I am talking about in this blog, disempowers women.
5. I wear clothes that could be considered slutty because they make me feel good about myself. If I am wearing a short skirt and low cut shirt, I have more confidence than if I am laying around in sweat pants (which I have on at this moment). I hate wearing jeans, always have. So I wear clothing that qualifies as someone who 'deserves it' in the eyes of some women. Men aren't chasing me down the street to rape me on a continuous basis. Personal experience bitches.
6. Get a weapon and wear it in a visible manner. For fucks sake people, the best form of protection from physical assault is being able and ready to defend yourself. Remember the confidence I talked about earlier?? Yeah, exactly.
7. Common fucking sense. Don't walk down the street in a bad neighborhood at night dressed to provoke a man's sexual desires. If you got to go in an area like that at night, dress like an undercover cop. Ponytail, mirrored sunglasses, jeans, blazer, visible side arm.
Now I know some people are going to claim personal responsibility on this one and I agree. I have not put all responsibility on men in this blog, the opposite is actually the case. A woman is responsible for being capable of protecting herself. This rarely has to do with what you wear. This has to do with your ability to knock someone the fuck out. Project the aura of Warrior not victim.
/End rant
What the fuck is wrong with you people? Is this the motherfucking dark ages? Are you a member of the Taliban?? This mentality is what keeps women in the Middle East wearing fucking beekeeper outfits as everyday wear. This is remnants of the mentality that got women burned at the stake for not fitting in and conforming to the standard of the day. This is the reason people were stoned.
It disgusts me for a lot of reasons. It paints men as some kind of monster that doesn't have the self control to realize that just because a woman is displaying her goods, doesn't mean they're for sale. It paints men as the type of creature that just bangs women over the head and has their way with them because they can't control their urges.
It puts an odd level of responsibility on a woman's shoulders. I'm supposed to what, figure out the line that won't make men lose control and only wear things in that clothing range. I'm supposed to, after being physically assaulted sit around and try to figure out if I did something to turn that guy on?
I'm drawing my line in the sand and calling bullshit on ALL OF THIS.
1. Rape is not about sexual desire in 'traditional'terms. Rape is a form of violence, it just happens to be a sexual assault as opposed to physical assault. It's not that a woman looked so good a guy was completely overwhelmed by sexual desire and his brain turned off. Rape is about dominance, d00d's wires are crossed and violence turns them on. In my self defense class I learned several techniques to prevent physical assault (rape is a physical assault). One was to not protect the image of a victim. Has nothing to do with what you wear, it has to do with body language, look straight ahead, shoulders back, project an aura of confidence, not victimization. The other one was if someone does grab you and starts raping you don't cry, don't struggle, don't beg. Just lay there. A good number of times they will lose arousal as a result of this.
2. I have been completely naked in front of lots of men for a living. Most treat you with an odd kind of reverence when you are half dressed or undressed. Men don't lose all of their faculties at the sight of a woman nude. They can still THINK. Hell, they can discuss the stock market with you or their job with no problem.
3. American women are weird. They think that projecting an overly sexual image is an indication of being sexually mature. Y'all know what I'm talking about. The woman who tells you how much she likes to give head. The woman who tells you about all the threesomes she's had. The woman who calls herself shit like dirty girl. This kind of sexuality is indicative of being sexually immature and not really knowing what she wants. It's the equivalent of a little girl in her mommy's high heels wearing red lipstick. I personally feel Western sexuality is so in your face because most people are still uncomfortable with their sexuality.
4. I frequently use sexual manipulation to gain in life. I make no apologies for this, it's like breathing for me, sometimes I am not aware I am doing it. One thing I have learned in life is that Women aren't as physically strong as men, one of the things women have in their toolbox that works to gain in life is sexual manipulation. The mentality I am talking about in this blog, disempowers women.
5. I wear clothes that could be considered slutty because they make me feel good about myself. If I am wearing a short skirt and low cut shirt, I have more confidence than if I am laying around in sweat pants (which I have on at this moment). I hate wearing jeans, always have. So I wear clothing that qualifies as someone who 'deserves it' in the eyes of some women. Men aren't chasing me down the street to rape me on a continuous basis. Personal experience bitches.
6. Get a weapon and wear it in a visible manner. For fucks sake people, the best form of protection from physical assault is being able and ready to defend yourself. Remember the confidence I talked about earlier?? Yeah, exactly.
7. Common fucking sense. Don't walk down the street in a bad neighborhood at night dressed to provoke a man's sexual desires. If you got to go in an area like that at night, dress like an undercover cop. Ponytail, mirrored sunglasses, jeans, blazer, visible side arm.
Now I know some people are going to claim personal responsibility on this one and I agree. I have not put all responsibility on men in this blog, the opposite is actually the case. A woman is responsible for being capable of protecting herself. This rarely has to do with what you wear. This has to do with your ability to knock someone the fuck out. Project the aura of Warrior not victim.
/End rant
Thursday, March 14, 2013
It's Not Me, It's You....
Normally I don't do this, but FUCK IT. This asshole deserves this shit.
Dear Meq,
You're a cowardly, little man who thinks that suspending someone, closing threads and running and hiding like a little bitch is going to solve the problem or make you look bigger or badder ass than me.
You say that taking unnecessary legal action is not a sign of strength, but here's the thing I got the idea from you and I don't want my content up at your site. Then you close the entire section where I asked for my content back and accuse me of belligerence. Here's the thing, I wasn't belligerent. I was playing nice with your sorry ass. :)
Let's back up a bit...
This started when you instituted a no 'hate speech' rule on your failure of a network. These things included Social Darwinism, Right Libertarianism, White Supremacy and host of other ideas you didn't want discussed on your site. This led to me saying it was censorship and quite frankly, that I do like discussing some of these ideas and that I was feeling attacked by you for my political stances. You started instituting rule after rule on your pathetic fail of a website. You got called out about it by me repeatedly. Why? You deserved it you creepy little fuck. One of them was a threat to demote local moderators who simply take one person's side on an issue. I said to demote me if you want to.
Then you demoted OrgasmicKarmatic. Why? She dared to disagree with you. After a long back and forth with you, she was reinstated. I also talked you into reinstating Troll as a Moderator.
Then you post that video as a response to Zach Black on your site. I called you out on that bullshit as well. Because it was bullshit. YOU think that you should EVER be allowed back at SIN after the way that you behaved there? You think Zach should listen to you, because you also run a forum? ROFL, you have a site with 30 Users, 10 are active, a good number I talked into joining (or gave you the idea to ask to join). How can you tell Zach Black a man who has one of the most active networks on the internet how to run his forum? He has 4,000 Users. Hundreds are active. About a thousand just read. He's smoked your ass, but he should listen to you?? Why? To learn how not to run a forum? To learn how not to maintain friendships with others? To learn how not to garner respect from anyone??
I told you that posting something like that was disre-fucking-spectful to me and other people who are at your site and also use SIN. I don't give a shit about you dissing SIN or Users there, it's a joke when you do so. You can't manage to keep an account open there so what does your opinion matter? I do take issue with your constant disrespect of me. I do take issue with you making mandates at your site like you're some kind of fucking dictator.
So I get the pm that states that you have to 'question my friendship' blah, blah, blah because I keep defending people who shit talk you. You deserve the shit talking. I respond with the fact that I question your friendship for the constant and blatant disrespect of me.
So what do you do? You unfriend me on FB (because apparently you're 12. Oh and not the first time you've done it either, LOLZ) and suspend my account while keeping ALL of my content up. By the way this was with NO three strikes as you state in your Site Guidelines. I have NEVER been warned by you for my behavior.
So I make a thread in your guesthouse where I tell I WILL file a DMCA if you don't take my content down. You respond by pulling my content (thanks for that) and then taking down the guesthouse section of your website. Then today you put it back up to respond but I, of course, can't comment back.
So I will respond here to all of your comments. I will not quote you directly because in spite of you 'stance' on DMCA's you file them yourself.
".... legal threats...."
I don't want my content up at your fail of a site. The section I was moderating matters to me and I don't want a bunch of pansy ass limp wristed little wannabes commenting on it.
"I.... of your constant belligerence. .... not SIN." Meq
No it's not. Your website sucks and you KNOW it.
".......disagreement blah, blah, blah, .... disrespect and attitude. "
I treated you how you treated me. You are a disrespectful little fuck, fine I will return the same in kind.
"blah, blah, bitchcraft, whine piss, and moan"
Ooohh, Bitchcraft I think I'll use that.
"Blah, blah, whine, whine, sniffle, sniffle, outcome"
I am VERY satisfied with the outcome. You are a creepy, pathetic little fuck and your website was one of the worst on the interwebz. It was dragging my rep as being a hardcore bitch down. You are the company you keep after all and hanging with you left a really, really sour taste in my mouth.
I will have to chew on the entrails of at least four Epicureans, two Theistic Satanists and five idiots to get the taste out of my mouth.
"Blah, blah, blah, whine, sniffle, video, waaaahhhh"
You only took it down (I mean moved it to the backroom) because it made you look bad and you were losing the debate surrounding it. For a site you claimed would be free of interwebz drama you sure caused a lot of it yourself.
"blah, Blah, Blah, whine, sniffle, moan, bitch, what happened?"
YOU happened. The fact that you take everymotherfucking thing personally happened. The fact that you can't separate a critique of YOU or a critique of your actions happened. The fact that you are thin skinned fucking toddler happened. The fact that you are socially inept happened.
'blah, blah, blah, whine, sniffle, piss, moan, highschool"
Projection much? You're the one who acts like a twelve year old, not others.
Here's the thing Meq, you have issues with every motherfucker you come into contact with. You can't maintain a friendship to save your life. You live through the internet and take every fucking critique of you personally. Maybe you should take a step back and realize something, it's not me, it's not Sammie, it's not Zach, it's not the 600 Club, it's not SIN, it's you. The pile of fail that YOU are is what's making your life miserable. YOU are the reason you can't maintain a relationship with someone else.
This didn't happen because of me, it's you.
To all of my readers who don't give a shit about this, my apologies. I am a dramatic fucking bitch, but you already knew that.
Dear Meq,
You're a cowardly, little man who thinks that suspending someone, closing threads and running and hiding like a little bitch is going to solve the problem or make you look bigger or badder ass than me.
You say that taking unnecessary legal action is not a sign of strength, but here's the thing I got the idea from you and I don't want my content up at your site. Then you close the entire section where I asked for my content back and accuse me of belligerence. Here's the thing, I wasn't belligerent. I was playing nice with your sorry ass. :)
Let's back up a bit...
This started when you instituted a no 'hate speech' rule on your failure of a network. These things included Social Darwinism, Right Libertarianism, White Supremacy and host of other ideas you didn't want discussed on your site. This led to me saying it was censorship and quite frankly, that I do like discussing some of these ideas and that I was feeling attacked by you for my political stances. You started instituting rule after rule on your pathetic fail of a website. You got called out about it by me repeatedly. Why? You deserved it you creepy little fuck. One of them was a threat to demote local moderators who simply take one person's side on an issue. I said to demote me if you want to.
Then you demoted OrgasmicKarmatic. Why? She dared to disagree with you. After a long back and forth with you, she was reinstated. I also talked you into reinstating Troll as a Moderator.
Then you post that video as a response to Zach Black on your site. I called you out on that bullshit as well. Because it was bullshit. YOU think that you should EVER be allowed back at SIN after the way that you behaved there? You think Zach should listen to you, because you also run a forum? ROFL, you have a site with 30 Users, 10 are active, a good number I talked into joining (or gave you the idea to ask to join). How can you tell Zach Black a man who has one of the most active networks on the internet how to run his forum? He has 4,000 Users. Hundreds are active. About a thousand just read. He's smoked your ass, but he should listen to you?? Why? To learn how not to run a forum? To learn how not to maintain friendships with others? To learn how not to garner respect from anyone??
I told you that posting something like that was disre-fucking-spectful to me and other people who are at your site and also use SIN. I don't give a shit about you dissing SIN or Users there, it's a joke when you do so. You can't manage to keep an account open there so what does your opinion matter? I do take issue with your constant disrespect of me. I do take issue with you making mandates at your site like you're some kind of fucking dictator.
So I get the pm that states that you have to 'question my friendship' blah, blah, blah because I keep defending people who shit talk you. You deserve the shit talking. I respond with the fact that I question your friendship for the constant and blatant disrespect of me.
So what do you do? You unfriend me on FB (because apparently you're 12. Oh and not the first time you've done it either, LOLZ) and suspend my account while keeping ALL of my content up. By the way this was with NO three strikes as you state in your Site Guidelines. I have NEVER been warned by you for my behavior.
So I make a thread in your guesthouse where I tell I WILL file a DMCA if you don't take my content down. You respond by pulling my content (thanks for that) and then taking down the guesthouse section of your website. Then today you put it back up to respond but I, of course, can't comment back.
So I will respond here to all of your comments. I will not quote you directly because in spite of you 'stance' on DMCA's you file them yourself.
".... legal threats...."
I don't want my content up at your fail of a site. The section I was moderating matters to me and I don't want a bunch of pansy ass limp wristed little wannabes commenting on it.
"I.... of your constant belligerence. .... not SIN." Meq
No it's not. Your website sucks and you KNOW it.
".......disagreement blah, blah, blah, .... disrespect and attitude. "
I treated you how you treated me. You are a disrespectful little fuck, fine I will return the same in kind.
"blah, blah, bitchcraft, whine piss, and moan"
Ooohh, Bitchcraft I think I'll use that.
"Blah, blah, whine, whine, sniffle, sniffle, outcome"
I am VERY satisfied with the outcome. You are a creepy, pathetic little fuck and your website was one of the worst on the interwebz. It was dragging my rep as being a hardcore bitch down. You are the company you keep after all and hanging with you left a really, really sour taste in my mouth.
I will have to chew on the entrails of at least four Epicureans, two Theistic Satanists and five idiots to get the taste out of my mouth.
"Blah, blah, blah, whine, sniffle, video, waaaahhhh"
You only took it down (I mean moved it to the backroom) because it made you look bad and you were losing the debate surrounding it. For a site you claimed would be free of interwebz drama you sure caused a lot of it yourself.
"blah, Blah, Blah, whine, sniffle, moan, bitch, what happened?"
YOU happened. The fact that you take everymotherfucking thing personally happened. The fact that you can't separate a critique of YOU or a critique of your actions happened. The fact that you are thin skinned fucking toddler happened. The fact that you are socially inept happened.
'blah, blah, blah, whine, sniffle, piss, moan, highschool"
Projection much? You're the one who acts like a twelve year old, not others.
Here's the thing Meq, you have issues with every motherfucker you come into contact with. You can't maintain a friendship to save your life. You live through the internet and take every fucking critique of you personally. Maybe you should take a step back and realize something, it's not me, it's not Sammie, it's not Zach, it's not the 600 Club, it's not SIN, it's you. The pile of fail that YOU are is what's making your life miserable. YOU are the reason you can't maintain a relationship with someone else.
This didn't happen because of me, it's you.
To all of my readers who don't give a shit about this, my apologies. I am a dramatic fucking bitch, but you already knew that.
Monday, February 18, 2013
Demons Don't Dream...
These inner demons kick at you, punch you, fight you, berate you, insult you, they tear you down from the inside out. That voice that says you aren't good enough, those things in your life saying you haven't done enough, are designed to stop you, to make you quit. To make you scream in frustration at the fact that no matter how hard you try you don't control anything but yourself.
Worthless, vapid, stupid, just a woman, a tool to be used to advance your own agenda. That's all I am to everyone else most of the time. And I know it. I know it's why this person and that person has done the things they have done to me, why they have said the things they have to me, or about me when they thought I wouldn't hear, that it wouldn't get back to me.
How do I know this? Because I treat you the same exact way. I just cover it up and justify it by saying I am not as bad as they are. That I am less manipulative, that I don't view people as a stereotype. It's bullshit, the reason I hate you is the reason I hate myself. Because I am human and the dark side of humanity, the demon within all of us makes me a disgusting, cruel creature, capable of atrocities beyond the scope that the human mind can process.
Lying, cheating, stealing, manipulating, covering it up in justifications that make myself a good person, the kind of person someone else would actually want to be around. But, I'm not and neither are you.
Do you fear that side of yourself? You fucking should. Do you fear that side of me or others you encounter? You should.
Get fucking paranoid, look around you and realize the people you care about the most are probably using you for their own gain. Get fucking proud and refuse to be used by others any longer. Get fucking real, quit crying in the corner and say to yourself, I am going to use them just as well as they use me. Quit giving a damn about what others think. Carve your own motherfucking path and to Hell with what your parents say, people you respect say, your friends say, your partner says, your conscience screams. They are all trying to stop you from getting real. They are all trying to stop you from living your own truth. YOU are stopping you at this very moment from facing what true freedom is and can be.
Demons don't dream, they don't sit around and talk about what they are going to do. Demons do.
Worthless, vapid, stupid, just a woman, a tool to be used to advance your own agenda. That's all I am to everyone else most of the time. And I know it. I know it's why this person and that person has done the things they have done to me, why they have said the things they have to me, or about me when they thought I wouldn't hear, that it wouldn't get back to me.
How do I know this? Because I treat you the same exact way. I just cover it up and justify it by saying I am not as bad as they are. That I am less manipulative, that I don't view people as a stereotype. It's bullshit, the reason I hate you is the reason I hate myself. Because I am human and the dark side of humanity, the demon within all of us makes me a disgusting, cruel creature, capable of atrocities beyond the scope that the human mind can process.
Lying, cheating, stealing, manipulating, covering it up in justifications that make myself a good person, the kind of person someone else would actually want to be around. But, I'm not and neither are you.
Do you fear that side of yourself? You fucking should. Do you fear that side of me or others you encounter? You should.
Get fucking paranoid, look around you and realize the people you care about the most are probably using you for their own gain. Get fucking proud and refuse to be used by others any longer. Get fucking real, quit crying in the corner and say to yourself, I am going to use them just as well as they use me. Quit giving a damn about what others think. Carve your own motherfucking path and to Hell with what your parents say, people you respect say, your friends say, your partner says, your conscience screams. They are all trying to stop you from getting real. They are all trying to stop you from living your own truth. YOU are stopping you at this very moment from facing what true freedom is and can be.
Demons don't dream, they don't sit around and talk about what they are going to do. Demons do.
Friday, January 25, 2013
Feminism And Satanism
Feminism is defined by Mirriam Webster as the theory of political, economic and social equality of the sexes. There's nothing more to it than that definition. There is a common theme that I see LHPers hit when it comes to Feminism, they bring up the Femi-Nazi and then declare themselves a Non-Feminist. The question a Satanist woman should ask themselves is do women deserve political, economic and social equality? If the answer is yes, congratulations you are a Feminist.
Nowhere in that definition does it say women are superior to men, the same as men (equality is not sameness), or any of the common misconceptions I see when it comes to Feminism. So where does the flannel wearing, man hating feminist come from?
The answer to that is a complex one. Modern Society is based on Maleness, it's a Patriarchy. Due to this being a Patriarchal society, femaleness and what is considered woman has become defined by men, not women. Like anything else, men don't truly understand what it is to be woman, anymore than I understand what it is to be a man. As a result of what is woman being defined by men, the average woman has decided in order to be equal to a man, they have to be exactly like a man.
This is where I call bullshit on the majority of Feminist thought. I have no desire to be a man. I like being a woman, I like the mystery, the intrigue that surrounds women in general. I like things that are considered girly. I am more empathetic than most of my male counterparts. I am more emotional than most of my male counterparts. I have no desire to change those things about me.
So I sit in a sea of dos and don'ts, be this way, don't be this way, day in and day out. When you add Satanism a male dominated school of thought, one could say why bother? Why even use that label? Say fuck it and go call yourself a Lilithist. Say fuck it to all of these men constantly acting in a predatory nature upon you and other women. The average Satanist doesn't seem to respect women anymore than the average citizen of society does.
Why bother? Simple. Satanism is a Warrior's Ethos. Female Warriors have been around since the dawn of time. Mythology gives us a number of examples. History points to entire cultures where Female Warriors were hailed, venerated and common. It simply isn't now. The Female Warrior had died out as an archetype. That's the essence of the problem that a Female Satanist faces when building her own paradigm. A lack of models, a lack of Modern Archetypes that show what the Hell she is.
As my understanding of Satanism has grown I have discovered that the enemy (all Warriors have a good villain to fight.) is the Patriarchal values that permeate our culture, the same ones that permeate my own mind. It's not Jehova, it's not Theism, it's not Christianity, it's the very fabric of our culture that needs to be fought against.
How do you fight that? The first one for me was to take by womanhood from everyone else told me it was and define it for myself. To take back the power of those Archetypes and create one that was worthy in my own mind. Can a woman be both fierce and emotional? Why not? Can a woman be both a good mother and someone who actively fights day in and day out? Absolutely? Can a woman be sexually free and heterosexual and monogamous? Why not?
This is where Feminism fits into my paradigm. I see it as a perfectly acceptable way to fight these ideas that have oppressed both sexes. It's a great way to fight for the things that matter to me, which is equality for both sexes, a reinterpretation of what woman is bursting forth and changing the way woman is viewed forever.
My name is FemaleSatan and I am a Feminist.
Nowhere in that definition does it say women are superior to men, the same as men (equality is not sameness), or any of the common misconceptions I see when it comes to Feminism. So where does the flannel wearing, man hating feminist come from?
The answer to that is a complex one. Modern Society is based on Maleness, it's a Patriarchy. Due to this being a Patriarchal society, femaleness and what is considered woman has become defined by men, not women. Like anything else, men don't truly understand what it is to be woman, anymore than I understand what it is to be a man. As a result of what is woman being defined by men, the average woman has decided in order to be equal to a man, they have to be exactly like a man.
This is where I call bullshit on the majority of Feminist thought. I have no desire to be a man. I like being a woman, I like the mystery, the intrigue that surrounds women in general. I like things that are considered girly. I am more empathetic than most of my male counterparts. I am more emotional than most of my male counterparts. I have no desire to change those things about me.
So I sit in a sea of dos and don'ts, be this way, don't be this way, day in and day out. When you add Satanism a male dominated school of thought, one could say why bother? Why even use that label? Say fuck it and go call yourself a Lilithist. Say fuck it to all of these men constantly acting in a predatory nature upon you and other women. The average Satanist doesn't seem to respect women anymore than the average citizen of society does.
Why bother? Simple. Satanism is a Warrior's Ethos. Female Warriors have been around since the dawn of time. Mythology gives us a number of examples. History points to entire cultures where Female Warriors were hailed, venerated and common. It simply isn't now. The Female Warrior had died out as an archetype. That's the essence of the problem that a Female Satanist faces when building her own paradigm. A lack of models, a lack of Modern Archetypes that show what the Hell she is.
As my understanding of Satanism has grown I have discovered that the enemy (all Warriors have a good villain to fight.) is the Patriarchal values that permeate our culture, the same ones that permeate my own mind. It's not Jehova, it's not Theism, it's not Christianity, it's the very fabric of our culture that needs to be fought against.
How do you fight that? The first one for me was to take by womanhood from everyone else told me it was and define it for myself. To take back the power of those Archetypes and create one that was worthy in my own mind. Can a woman be both fierce and emotional? Why not? Can a woman be both a good mother and someone who actively fights day in and day out? Absolutely? Can a woman be sexually free and heterosexual and monogamous? Why not?
This is where Feminism fits into my paradigm. I see it as a perfectly acceptable way to fight these ideas that have oppressed both sexes. It's a great way to fight for the things that matter to me, which is equality for both sexes, a reinterpretation of what woman is bursting forth and changing the way woman is viewed forever.
My name is FemaleSatan and I am a Feminist.
Friday, January 11, 2013
That's When A Smoke Was A Smoke..
and groovin' was groovin',
dancing was everything, we were young and we were improving. - John Mellancamp
This song is about the days when you were young, when you didn't know shit about the World. It resonates with me at this moment because I have come into contact with some of the people from a time period in my life that was just that. What I find remarkable is the differences and similarities between each person then and now.
I was an orange haired stripper with a "band" called Bludstan (bloodstain). A punk/metal fushion outfit. We were awful, the only redeeming thing about that band was that we stopped making people's ears bleed by playing the garbage that had been written by us.
My husband was my boyfriend. He hung out with a different band called Hoar. He was their songwriter, any day they were going to get a record deal, no really Road Runner records was interested. He spent most of his time smoking pot and playing video games. Now he runs his own small business, doesn't write at all, rarely plays video games, has four children and a wife.
His best friend S was so fucking talented. He was the producer of the band, he was a working producer, had a job on Music Row doing that. He produced rap bands, rock bands, hell anything. He could play the bass, guitar, keyboards, and drums. He also wrote music. Today, he's getting his degree in finance, he's going to be a college professor. He doesn't really play music at all. It makes me sad to see him all grown up, so much talent, wasted.
There were two twin brothers as well. They were the main players behind Hoar. The sad thing is this, they are a snap shot into the past. They are still, 12 years later waiting for that record deal to manifest. They still dress the same, look the same, talk the same, there's been no change whatsoever.
It's an odd thing to look back on those that you knew a long ass time ago. When you were young, stupid and full of dreams. It reminds you of who you were before you really started living, who you were before the kids, the marriage, the knocks of life had changed you, made you grow the fuck up.
I don't think 'gah those times were great', I think 'what the hell was I thinking'. I thought I knew everything about the World and I was simply a child. I was so optimistic back then, so full of hope, so full of dreams.
I do miss the music. I miss making it, I miss being an active part of that subculture. Guess that means I should add that to my already busy life. Do some grooving again, let go of the rest for just a little while. A part of me hesitates because I am not optimistic anymore, I understand that my skill level rests just above non-existent and right in the suck range.
dancing was everything, we were young and we were improving. - John Mellancamp
This song is about the days when you were young, when you didn't know shit about the World. It resonates with me at this moment because I have come into contact with some of the people from a time period in my life that was just that. What I find remarkable is the differences and similarities between each person then and now.
I was an orange haired stripper with a "band" called Bludstan (bloodstain). A punk/metal fushion outfit. We were awful, the only redeeming thing about that band was that we stopped making people's ears bleed by playing the garbage that had been written by us.
My husband was my boyfriend. He hung out with a different band called Hoar. He was their songwriter, any day they were going to get a record deal, no really Road Runner records was interested. He spent most of his time smoking pot and playing video games. Now he runs his own small business, doesn't write at all, rarely plays video games, has four children and a wife.
His best friend S was so fucking talented. He was the producer of the band, he was a working producer, had a job on Music Row doing that. He produced rap bands, rock bands, hell anything. He could play the bass, guitar, keyboards, and drums. He also wrote music. Today, he's getting his degree in finance, he's going to be a college professor. He doesn't really play music at all. It makes me sad to see him all grown up, so much talent, wasted.
There were two twin brothers as well. They were the main players behind Hoar. The sad thing is this, they are a snap shot into the past. They are still, 12 years later waiting for that record deal to manifest. They still dress the same, look the same, talk the same, there's been no change whatsoever.
It's an odd thing to look back on those that you knew a long ass time ago. When you were young, stupid and full of dreams. It reminds you of who you were before you really started living, who you were before the kids, the marriage, the knocks of life had changed you, made you grow the fuck up.
I don't think 'gah those times were great', I think 'what the hell was I thinking'. I thought I knew everything about the World and I was simply a child. I was so optimistic back then, so full of hope, so full of dreams.
I do miss the music. I miss making it, I miss being an active part of that subculture. Guess that means I should add that to my already busy life. Do some grooving again, let go of the rest for just a little while. A part of me hesitates because I am not optimistic anymore, I understand that my skill level rests just above non-existent and right in the suck range.
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