The Urban Jungle

In my life I have done a lot of things, lived in a lot of different places. When I was a kid we were poor. I grew up in bad neighborhoods, trailer parks, and the projects. Than I grew up, seized the American dream and got out.

What happens when an individual realizes they bought a lie? That their achievements are ths ones of "those other guys"? Well if they are a person of action, they get a new dream. So, I sold my house and am living as inexpensively as possible. The goal is to eventually become nomadic.

So, I am back in the urban jungle. Funny thing is as an adult I am terrified. Scared I'll get shot, scared I'll be robbed, injured, etc. The first day someone asked me if I wanted to make some extra money. Took me a few seconds to figure out he thought I was a crackwhore. Lol, in the suburbs I was an attractive housewife and the rumor was I had an eating disorder.
Had a crackhead knock on the door today and offer me crack. Put his foot in the door so I wouldn't shut it. I was terrified, I felt helpless. After a crying fit, after mentally deciding I was going back to my house, after the list of justifications ran through my mind to end this experiment, I realized something. I know how to deal with this shit. I grew up in these kinds of situations.

I have become conditioned to a "safe" environment. Living that way has made me weak. I have inside me an ability to endure shit most people would go insane from. Harnessing that inner strength, remembering the fact that humans are horrible creatures is what I need to do now.