You Know Who You Are

Well aren't we all entitled special little snowflakes? Full of self important ideas, masters of our own little universes, believing every little fucking episodes of our lives are worthy of discussion and display.

It's bullshit, it's bullshit when it comes from me and it's bullshit when it comes from you. You don't matter, you will probably make NO impact in your life. You are not one of the big influences, you are a speck, a bit of meaningless dust blowing away when your very small life is over. Even if you change minds how much of an effect do you really think that will have? Beyond becoming a big fish in an ever increasing pond of mediocrity, you are unforgettable, a character whose name will be impossible to recall when you finally shut the fuck up and sit down.

You want to fight the system? Bitch you are the system. The big fucking trick and secret is that the thing you are supposed to be getting free from, is in your own goddamn mind. YOU are the enemy, not some faceless thing 'out there' that needs to be countered. It's when you assume and don't know. It's when you think something is truth when you haven't experienced it. It's that you subscribe to society's mores even if you have simply inverted them.

That's the ultimate mindfuck, is the realization that the very thing that pisses you off is you. You stand there being the great outcast, the Adversary against all that is magian while still subscribing to it. With your pathetic infighting of what is and isn't troo blue through and through Satanism. Your dismissal of others accomplishments which may not mean shit to you or may not even seem that fucking Sinister but are to that individual.

Your herd conformity shows when you start spouting off the latest fucking buzzwords like you invented them (see what I did there?). Your herd conformity shows when you start whining because someone actually brought up a subject that is actually antinomian.. You will scream at the top of your lungs your ammoral reasoning for not doing something without seeing you are just spouting a secular version of the same morality.

You do it, I do it, the cunt over there does it. Why? Because actually doing something, anything that takes you out of your comfort zone and confronts the monster that stirs underneath the veneer of society takes actual fucking work. You need a reason to stay on that throne you have created while throwing out your common fucking platitudes while being the center of your own universe.

Just because you are the center of your own universe does NOT make you the center of mine or anybody else's. Just because you type whole strings of semi-coherent thought together doesn't mean that you get what the fuck a few, a select fucking few people are trying to explain on ANY given subject.

Now worries, I do the same shit. Pass judgement from my throne while silently chuckling at how retarded everyone else is. The ONLY difference is I am aware of it. I am aware that my life is meaningless and finding any meaning in what is largely a huge, chaotic, coincidental mess or making some kind of impact is the single most pointless thing I can do.

I do what I have always done, try to live a life where I can say 'you did alright' when I am done. I learned some shit, did some shit, changed the way you think about some shit and had some fun in the process. Everything I do is for me, not for anyone else.

The way I see Satanism (and the reason I am still here on the Satanic interwebz) is because I see it as the only philosophical/religious/praxis thingy that is selfish. It's not about the common good or advancing some cause. It's about ME doing some shit that goes way outside my comfort zone and learning some shit from it. Embracing what I am not, what society refuses to accept or even acknowledge the existence of.

But no please, please continue. There should totally be yet another thread on the internet debating what LaVey meant when he said something.

Glory Days

When I started at SIN, there was a very small core group of people running around those forums, hanging out in chat together, etc.

That environment is why I signed, why I played and why I stay. I loved it. Even the ridiculous parts. Getting blasted by Take On Me, dancing on cam, different people, different incidents.

See I am not or ever really have been an interwebz person. I was raised in the 80s, my take on it is very, very 80s. I view it like a video game, a diversion. Something done for fun, not much more than that.

I lie to myself about it. And being a rather antisocial, building walls to keep people out type, I don't get close to people, internet people especially.

But some people get through.  Assholes that have for one reason or another stole a little piece of my heart. And when they leave my interwebz home, it hurts. I mostly interact with people on forums, so when they leave, the drifting away begins.

I begin to feel distant from them, until that relationship becomes a memory. And I have lost a lot of interwebz people for one reason or another. They leave and I stay. My interwebz wall stays up high enough it doesn't hurt that much.

But I miss the Glory Days. When that core group was together. When I knew almost every poster at SIN personally. When I actually engaged in the social scene attached to that site.

But ... having voluntarily drifted off I killed things that were precious to me. Friendships, alliances, and honestly, knowing what the hell is going on most of the time.

I miss something that will never happen again, is never coming back. I want to rewind time, be back to a year ago for one night. Moving forward is great, but it makes one nostalgic at times.

To the ones who are gone, I miss you. People like you make me hate the internet. I am supposed to not give a fuck. But some of you, I genuinely care about. And that makes you an Asshole.