You Know Who You Are

Well aren't we all entitled special little snowflakes? Full of self important ideas, masters of our own little universes, believing every little fucking episodes of our lives are worthy of discussion and display.

It's bullshit, it's bullshit when it comes from me and it's bullshit when it comes from you. You don't matter, you will probably make NO impact in your life. You are not one of the big influences, you are a speck, a bit of meaningless dust blowing away when your very small life is over. Even if you change minds how much of an effect do you really think that will have? Beyond becoming a big fish in an ever increasing pond of mediocrity, you are unforgettable, a character whose name will be impossible to recall when you finally shut the fuck up and sit down.

You want to fight the system? Bitch you are the system. The big fucking trick and secret is that the thing you are supposed to be getting free from, is in your own goddamn mind. YOU are the enemy, not some faceless thing 'out there' that needs to be countered. It's when you assume and don't know. It's when you think something is truth when you haven't experienced it. It's that you subscribe to society's mores even if you have simply inverted them.

That's the ultimate mindfuck, is the realization that the very thing that pisses you off is you. You stand there being the great outcast, the Adversary against all that is magian while still subscribing to it. With your pathetic infighting of what is and isn't troo blue through and through Satanism. Your dismissal of others accomplishments which may not mean shit to you or may not even seem that fucking Sinister but are to that individual.

Your herd conformity shows when you start spouting off the latest fucking buzzwords like you invented them (see what I did there?). Your herd conformity shows when you start whining because someone actually brought up a subject that is actually antinomian.. You will scream at the top of your lungs your ammoral reasoning for not doing something without seeing you are just spouting a secular version of the same morality.

You do it, I do it, the cunt over there does it. Why? Because actually doing something, anything that takes you out of your comfort zone and confronts the monster that stirs underneath the veneer of society takes actual fucking work. You need a reason to stay on that throne you have created while throwing out your common fucking platitudes while being the center of your own universe.

Just because you are the center of your own universe does NOT make you the center of mine or anybody else's. Just because you type whole strings of semi-coherent thought together doesn't mean that you get what the fuck a few, a select fucking few people are trying to explain on ANY given subject.

Now worries, I do the same shit. Pass judgement from my throne while silently chuckling at how retarded everyone else is. The ONLY difference is I am aware of it. I am aware that my life is meaningless and finding any meaning in what is largely a huge, chaotic, coincidental mess or making some kind of impact is the single most pointless thing I can do.

I do what I have always done, try to live a life where I can say 'you did alright' when I am done. I learned some shit, did some shit, changed the way you think about some shit and had some fun in the process. Everything I do is for me, not for anyone else.

The way I see Satanism (and the reason I am still here on the Satanic interwebz) is because I see it as the only philosophical/religious/praxis thingy that is selfish. It's not about the common good or advancing some cause. It's about ME doing some shit that goes way outside my comfort zone and learning some shit from it. Embracing what I am not, what society refuses to accept or even acknowledge the existence of.

But no please, please continue. There should totally be yet another thread on the internet debating what LaVey meant when he said something.

Influence

Everyone in the world thinks they are unaffected, that they are free mentally, and individuals. The truth is everyone is influenced, everyone is inspired, affected and shaped by others, by the life they live.

I used to buy the Satanists are born not made idea. I used to believe one could become completely free of "environmental " memetics . I don't anymore. Would I be who I am right now, if I had made different choices? If I had lived a different life? No, so how can I say while being intellectually honest that I was born a Satanist? No,  I can say beyond a shadow of a doubt that my life experiences made me who I am. I can honestly say I don't really give a fuck one way or another either. I'm over it. 

I'm "over" a lot at this point. I have influences, there are people who have deeply affected my view on the World. Rather through what they said or a lesson interaction with them imparted. That's how memetics are spread. Someone says something, writes something, or you experience something and bam! it hits you deeply, in an intuitive, almost indescribable manner. It gives words to a previously wordless conclusion.

Resonance is not manipulation. It's more emotional than logical. Even if the writer intends to manipulate (which really just means they "get" memetics and have focused theirs) . The writer has no control of how a work has been interpreted. Rarely if ever do two individuals get the same thing out of a work. Some are influenced and inspired, some think it's crap.

Let me give you an example, I love Crowley. I was a Thelemite for awhile (I liked Babalon) . However, I never dug his Magickal writings much. I loved his fiction and his autobiography. Moonchild is still a favorite of mine.  It hit me in that emotional place, I found the World created beautiful.

The memetics he inserted (and you can bet your ass there is. Moonchild is Thelma 101 in so many ways) , explained Thelema better than all his Magickal shit put together, for me personally. Most Thelemites would say it was The Book of Law.

The point is nobody is memetically resistant. There is a constant bombardment being thrown at you. You can't become "free" of these influences. They're everywhere. It's a matter of finding a way to fight back, establish a worldview that makes you more skeptical, less programmable.

The other part, for me at least is choice. I choose what memetics I am exposed to. I avoid television, radio, mainstream news, etc as much as possible. I avoid institutions I disagree with, don't shop at stores whose business practices I abhor, and avoid memetics I know I don't want to have to fight off. This enables me to choose my battles, and have more energy when I do fight.

It's one of the reasons I am not online as much. I would prefer to do my battling in real life at the moment. Plus, most threads consistent of two people arguing over their opinions. Rarely is the end result one or the other changing their mind. Those were the back and forths I enjoyed having, when someone actually changed their mind.

I have my own goals and reasons that I write. I do most things with a purpose now, have been for awhile.The main one being the fact that very few women do participate and I want to see more women participating. Why? I am a selfish bitch and want to read what they write. I want to read about how the ONA affects other women and their lives. So I do it myself in order to influence through example.

So,  I have started targeting women specifically. I will go comment on their shit and see how they react. Three have really surprised me as of late, they are brilliant in their own ways.

Anyway, this blog is done. I know it's rambling and goes off topic but I don't care. Now that I don't link my blogs up to other sites I feel free.

FS3.0