Recent Events

So, in light of recent events I wanted to talk about others. I have had a shit load of well ... shit thrown at me for my personal life, I have had threads written about me, blogs written about me, etc.

Now my question to others is this, why do you care? Why does what I do matter to you so much? Why am I even on your mind to this extent?

Let me be frank, when it comes to you, I don't give a fuck. I don't care who you sleep with, what your income is, what your life choices are, or any of that. You don't matter to me, shit the few personal details I have on people I can barely remember.

Why? I don't know you. All I know is what you write. The internet is not really a place to get to know others personally. It's a format where one can exchange ideas, information, maybe refine their rhetoric, other than that it's worthless.

I am a member of a popular Satanic networking site. I have two radio shows. I blog my ass off. That doesn't mean you know me. That means I use these formats for my own personal reasons.

The Sinister Feminine needs representation and development. Satanism is a joke in this current Male dominated incarnation. There is something I find inherently feminine about the ideas that the word Satan represents.

That's why I am here. Satanism has to shift away from this "maleness" that permeates it. I am on the interwebz to do that. For one voice on that testosterone fueled site to compare understanding the ONA to Motherhood. For one voice on that  radio show to represent the Darkness as a woman, vicious and strong.

Don't like my approach? Don't like the fact that I don't fuck jaded nerds? Don't like the fact that I am not just a cyber whore who kisses your ass? Don't like the fact that I think an orientation towards culture is just as important as transgression? Don't like the fact that I sexually manipulate mundanes? Think I am a joke of some kind? A fangirl?

Fuck you. I am not stopping, stepping back or backing down. I am not going to go away just because you don't approve. Like I said before, YOU don't matter. I don't care about your little opinions based on no real life experience.

You're not even worthy of this blog. I am just enough of a drama queen to write this. Why? You're thinking about me, you're posting your opinions on me. I am not doing the same about you (this the obvious exception) . You're spreading my ideas and I have received pm's from people asking what I am going to do, why I put up with it, etc.

This is why just caught another little Sinister flower as a result of this (one chick read the bullshit, read my blog and I sent her to other sites) . She may not do anything with it, but my goal is just one more woman. Just one, women are hives. ;)

Learning Through Adversity

Any knowledge that is not rooted in experience is suspect. One sentence that boils the essence of a Praxis to it's most basic wording.

The issue with most of humanity is putting stock in their own opinions and what one thinks about any subject. There is even a delightful selection of labels to choose from, that let people know how you think about things. Most are bound to these rather Democrat, Republican, Christian or Satanist. A label based on thought, rather than action.

But what do most do? What is their true knowledge? Do these labels for thinking in a Super Serial manner indicate who that individual is?

As I interact with others, I see most of these terms of identification are meaningless to most. Is there a difference between a Democrat and a Republican? Not really. What about a Christian and a Satanist? Not for most. I despise it.

I have never really cared what "affiliation " one claims as long as they are living it, applying the philosophical constructs they espouse, in their daily lives. I can't stand a lying, cheating, selfish Christian, the same as I can't stand Satanists who still espouse morality, living within the law and the upholding of society's values over the individual and self sovereignty.

It annoys me because anything I truly believe I live. My life has been complicated, difficult, full of just as much success as failure, mind twisting at it's most difficult, full of heartbreak, strife, and adversity, but I have survived all of it. Grown stronger due to the hardship.

The funny thing about learning through real adversity, is you don't become "nice " or "good." You become harder, more willing to do whatever it takes to survive, to thrive, to do better. You lose the comfort of depending on others, rather society or people, in favor of you and your own judgment.

One year ago, I joined SIN. So I could interact with Satanists. I learn better by doing and interacting, not reading. Things I read have to relate to my life, or I don't really "get it." If I can find a mental bridge between the idea being presented and my own life, it clicks pretty quickly.

Finding and exploring Satanism has been the single most liberating experience of my life. I lacked the language to explain my own personal philosophical thoughts. Satanism has always felt more like RE-membering,  than learning something knew. I said on the Ooze once, "I feel like I am remembering what I always knew. " That still rings true.

At the end of the day, rhetoric is just rhetoric, opinions are just opinions, ideas are just ideas, and it's mostly meaningless bullshit.  Knowledge is a personal thing, based on experience, not what others know or think. Let your Satanism bleed out, color and affect every aspect of your life. I firmly believe there is no aspect of life that is free from being infected. No part of my life where I don't apply that Praxis, nothing that isn't altered by my own knowledge and experience.

FS3.0

Influence

Everyone in the world thinks they are unaffected, that they are free mentally, and individuals. The truth is everyone is influenced, everyone is inspired, affected and shaped by others, by the life they live.

I used to buy the Satanists are born not made idea. I used to believe one could become completely free of "environmental " memetics . I don't anymore. Would I be who I am right now, if I had made different choices? If I had lived a different life? No, so how can I say while being intellectually honest that I was born a Satanist? No,  I can say beyond a shadow of a doubt that my life experiences made me who I am. I can honestly say I don't really give a fuck one way or another either. I'm over it. 

I'm "over" a lot at this point. I have influences, there are people who have deeply affected my view on the World. Rather through what they said or a lesson interaction with them imparted. That's how memetics are spread. Someone says something, writes something, or you experience something and bam! it hits you deeply, in an intuitive, almost indescribable manner. It gives words to a previously wordless conclusion.

Resonance is not manipulation. It's more emotional than logical. Even if the writer intends to manipulate (which really just means they "get" memetics and have focused theirs) . The writer has no control of how a work has been interpreted. Rarely if ever do two individuals get the same thing out of a work. Some are influenced and inspired, some think it's crap.

Let me give you an example, I love Crowley. I was a Thelemite for awhile (I liked Babalon) . However, I never dug his Magickal writings much. I loved his fiction and his autobiography. Moonchild is still a favorite of mine.  It hit me in that emotional place, I found the World created beautiful.

The memetics he inserted (and you can bet your ass there is. Moonchild is Thelma 101 in so many ways) , explained Thelema better than all his Magickal shit put together, for me personally. Most Thelemites would say it was The Book of Law.

The point is nobody is memetically resistant. There is a constant bombardment being thrown at you. You can't become "free" of these influences. They're everywhere. It's a matter of finding a way to fight back, establish a worldview that makes you more skeptical, less programmable.

The other part, for me at least is choice. I choose what memetics I am exposed to. I avoid television, radio, mainstream news, etc as much as possible. I avoid institutions I disagree with, don't shop at stores whose business practices I abhor, and avoid memetics I know I don't want to have to fight off. This enables me to choose my battles, and have more energy when I do fight.

It's one of the reasons I am not online as much. I would prefer to do my battling in real life at the moment. Plus, most threads consistent of two people arguing over their opinions. Rarely is the end result one or the other changing their mind. Those were the back and forths I enjoyed having, when someone actually changed their mind.

I have my own goals and reasons that I write. I do most things with a purpose now, have been for awhile.The main one being the fact that very few women do participate and I want to see more women participating. Why? I am a selfish bitch and want to read what they write. I want to read about how the ONA affects other women and their lives. So I do it myself in order to influence through example.

So,  I have started targeting women specifically. I will go comment on their shit and see how they react. Three have really surprised me as of late, they are brilliant in their own ways.

Anyway, this blog is done. I know it's rambling and goes off topic but I don't care. Now that I don't link my blogs up to other sites I feel free.

FS3.0

For Mr. B or Revolutionary Rhetoric

Second response to Mr.B, focusing on him mentioning the ONA3.0 phenomenon at SIN. As always this is simply my take on things, others in the Kollective may disagree.

Revolutionary Rhetoric

Satan as an archetype (or in my case Master Idea, read my blog My Thoughts on Satan for more) has some very specific concepts involved. Evil. Opposition. Adversary. Accuser. Everyone knows what those are. Now, one that is being brought to light at places like SIN is Rebellion.

What is God as a Master Idea, in a secular society? The Government, the State. Law and Order. So.... what do the Adversaries of this God thang do at this point? Oppose the Religious God, one aspect of that Master Idea that has become an useless, dried husk? NO!! They continue to oppose God, the High God of this secular society, they begin to oppose, to rail against Society itself, and the. Government. It's laws, it's institutions, it's new status quo memes. Rather they are political correctness, Egalitarian values, the consumer culture each of us comes into contact with. These are the things that need to be burned down now, these are the sacred cows that need to be butchered.

You also have to look at the state of the economy, the populous, etc. Lots of people are pissed at how things are now. Anonymous and the Occupied Movement one example. The rise in membership in Extremist organization is on the rise. In the US, the economy sucks, we just got out of a housing crisis. Everyone is scared that it's going to come crashing down, most are just trying to ignore the shit going on. But the winds of destruction are in the air, and some people want to make it happen faster. This idea of Revolution, is in more than the Satanic community, it's everywhere.

Now, for me personally, my Praxis has a few base elements that have never changed. Burning off memes to get to my "core self " is a fundamental. Some memes can be read out, some a little critical thinking pulls out, some can be debated out. However, the most insidious memes, the ones with roots so deep, you think they are innate personality characteristics, have to be "done out ". In order to rid yourself of those requires more effort than most Satanists take.

So, some of the rhetoric 3.0 uses revolves around, making people ask themselves do they really oppose God in this society, by upholding it's laws, it's values? How are you transgressing to burn off memes?

For me personally, I just want to see the shit burn. I am utterly disgusted with most of humanity and just how apathetic they are. When I go in public places I feel like I am surrounded by a sea of zombies (wouldn't be so bad if this train of thought didn't give me nightmares) . I.want out. I am willing to do anything to achieve that goal of slipping off the map, so I can be more free than most.

FS3.0

For Mr.B or Forms, Essence, Etc

Reading around this morning I found somebody critiquing ONA3.0 and the ones who use SIN specifically. He referred to it as the ONA3.0 phenomenon. As with all things, I simply speak for myself and am offering my own perspective here. Others in the Kollective may disagree.
Form vs Essence

I understand the concept of form vs essence through my children. Each of them has the same DNA, the same genetic code but they are different. Different personalities, different looks, different intererests. They are being raised in the same way, by the same parents. However, are they the same? No, not at all. Those personality differences, their personality quirks, make them who they are.

Using children as an analogy, essence is the DNA they each have, form is their individual personalities, and their parenting and parents would be the ONA and the five core principles. This isn't hard to get, or difficult to understand.
The most important thing to remember is that language is an abstraction, it's the base of one's worldview. I can't tell you what essence is being described. You have to live it, manifest that acausal presence in your own life.

That essence is one that Satanism simply attempts to describe. Satanism is simply one form out there. Other forms work just as well, as long as they capture that essence.

FS3.0
P.S. This is only part one of a two part response.

Church of Satan Dead?

Boyd Rice has declared the Church of Satin oops Satan dead. Huh? That institution died long ago . Now, as a former LaVeyan it made me think what killed that memeplex for me?

Simple, it died in 1975 when the TOS split occurred. The second that Satan became truly symbolic Modern Satanism started dying. The Satanic Panic just hurt it more.

Why did Atheism kill the Modern Satanism movement? Without a God construct there's nothing to oppose, no enemy to fight, nothing to live in defiance of, nothing to transgress against.
God as a construct still exists and most Atheists still worship God. As a symbol mythologically God is the personification of society, law, order, submission to a higher power. That never changes. In our secular society God is now the Magian memeplex. Holding back the true nature of man, but in new ways.

Political correctness, racial unity, being a law abiding citizen, Capitalism, Patriotism, these things are the Gods of today. An egalatarian mindset that permeates everything, even our thoughts.

The CoS never became oppositional to these new Gods. They bowed to the very master they claim to oppose. Modern Satanism became a joke, something that is blasphemous to the essence the word Satan attempts to describe.

Modern Satanists started to disgust me. How can you carry the name Satanist but be like everyone else. I started reading ONA stuff and realized they oppose these new Gods, they turn that opposition into a Praxis. I don't learn by reading, never have. If I read something I need to see something in my life that reflects it. So, this idea of learning by transgressing is ideal for me. I think the ONA has identified these new Gods due to the Theistic elements.

It makes someone want to be an incarnation of the Adversary, rather than a hollow shell of what Satan. There's a glamour, an evocative, inherently beautiful subtext to the concepts in the MSS that make one want to go DO, to manifest that acausal energy in the world.

FS3.0

Revolutionary Thought

The whole 3.0 thing has got me thinking about (r)evolution in a lasting sustainable form. How does a group of individuals who see the rotten core of the status quo fight back? What's the best, most effective way to burn it down?

Movements like Anonymous are a great start but the system allows pressure valves within it. Satanism is one. Peaceful protests, extremist movements all allowed, even protected by that system. Why is that?

Simple, they don't really stop the system. They make the mundanes close ranks. When things do get violent the system uses that as a chance to show the majority it's needed For safety. This monster grows when opposed., gets larger. At this point they police every aspect of life. Mr. Dread once wrote "you're not free even in you're head. " I would add they give you the thoughts, all of us are programmed from birth. So, most conform. The few who don't are easily and quickly taken care of.

Beyond that, even if it fell away today, any new system would mimic the old one in time. It's what most of us have been taught is normal from birth.
So, what is a lasting fix? What changes this for the next generation? They hold the key. It's why I feel Long says the goal is Aeonic. If the next generation is more independent, less programmed, and their children less programmed than them, and that trend continues the cycle will break.

It's an issue that needs to be attacked at a cultural level as well. Alternatives to the magian lifestyle have to be developed. Parents that value their independence over comfort. People who develop and live in a tribal manner. Who follow the Sinister code of honor and make it a foundation for law on their own land. Who impart these things to a new generation by living that way.

The true, lasting sustainable destruction of this system lies with my children. and their peers. As I lead by example, show them their is a better way. Teach them to value family over things. My 8 year old said yesterday, "anybody can be my family if they are like you mommy. "

Experience Learning

So, I was sitting on the couch this morning hungover as fuck. Head pounding, stomach in knots,. I have heartburn from steak and shake, on top of it.

I start reassessing my night. Thinking about what I could have done differently. How can I avoid feeling this way again? Less alcohol? Yep. No more steak and shake, I never get heartburn and I eat some crazy shit. That place is on my permanent do not eat list.

As I'm running through this, I started thinking about an article I read in a parenting magazine about Experience Learning. Researchers did a study with toddlers. 1,000 parents participated. The parents let the kids in the kitchen while cooking and turn the oven on. Half the parents scolded their children in any attempts to touch the oven. The other group let the toddler touch the oven and when the toddler jerked their hand back said, "Hot, that's hot."

The results were interesting. The toddlers that had been scolded for trying to touch the oven, continued to attempt to touch the oven. The parents engaged in daily battles to stop their child from doing it. The group that had never touched the oven, did not understand the difference between cold and hot when tested. Guess how the other group faired?

After touching the oven once they never tried again. Parents reported the talkers in the group said hot when seeing the oven. Upon testing they knew the difference between cold and hot.

The researchers were calling for a return to experience learning. It was proven in this study children learn by doing.

What I Search For....

Since society has become Patriarchial, women and the Feminine Archetypes have been infected. Distorted by what society, the status quo wanted women to be. This distortion, this misapprehension still exists today.

It's what I and other women like me have to fight against. Most women simply continue to perpetuate these archetypes. They never concept their own nature, so they conform to those boxes. The mother who does it all, throws away her sexuality in favor of a full time job, soccer practice and making a house to rival Martha Stewart. A career woman denies her natural instinct to reprouce for spreadsheets. It's everywhere and these Magian ideals are spread to the next generation of girls. Women are the biggest enemy of true Freedom, of Empathic understanding of the Femiinine.

I do not know a single woman in real life that takes self defense seriously. That views the knowledge of how to defend and protect herself and her own young as important. I have sacrificed being thin and hot in favor of this ideal. My arms now have definition, but have horribly ugly feet with callouses and blisters. My hands have blisters and callouses. I have bruises, cuts, scars, etc. I feel MORE beautiful now. Like I am finally hitting close to what Motherhood should be, like I am closer to the True (Sinister) Feminine.

I call it the True Feminine for a reason. They don't get to tell me what Motherhood is. There is something raw, dark, visceral, and evil to womankind. Misunderstood by most, misappopriated continuously. According to Judeo Christian memes women are not only the root of all Evil, but no better than chattel. I think it's due to something unspoken: Women perpetuate culture. They mold and shape the next generation minds. To control woman is to control the minds of the youth.

Fuck you're Magian ideals, you're interpretations of Femininity. I seek what lies beneath, the inner power that can never truly be oppressed.

Is There Any Hope?

This question came from my mother in law while seeing my new apartment the first time. This was followed by her magian rant. About my children and how they are suffering for my decision to move and sell my house. She statted to cry and tell me ALL children deserve to be raised according to a certain standard (hers).

Now as she went on her tirade, I starting thinking, Am I crazy? To take them away from the prototypical American dream? To start making a true grab for independance of the system. I felt doubt of my path for the first time.

Than she finally left. I was sitting outside and thinking about it. I feelt like a poser in suburbia. Like I didn't belong. Plastic, false and I hated it. It was my dream, something idealized from a childhood of the opposite. I got what everyone wants and I never fit in, I never felt truly at home. Like at any moment they would realize I was a fraud, a charlatin. I didn't belong.

Here it's different. I grew up on these streets, I know this place. What used to be something different. I went to the same school my kids do. I am home and I am happy. There's hope. A first step to an end goal. To feed my kids the Magian dream is a form of child abuse, from my perspective.

FS3.0