A Woman's Intuition ....

<p>does exist. It's a difficult thing to explain. Without logical thought attached, without any real thought process involved, I just do things. I get a "gut feeling " and know what to do, and I will know beyond the shadow of a doubt I am right.</p>
<p>When I had my oldest son, I read every book on children, parenting and pregnancy I could. I was book learned on the subject. Which means I didn't have a fucking clue what to do.</p>
<p>Now he had colic and I mean bad. Constantly screaming at the top of his lungs. I took him to the doctor. I read up on colic the different holds to comfort him, etc. None of it worked. So, one day I put him on my legs so that he was straddling them. I started bouncing my legs up and down. I started singing a song (giddy up horsey up and down, giddy up horsey go to town, giddy up horsey, don't
.. fall... down) .

Well, he started burping. Than he smiled. His first smile. He slept that night, no colicky episode. Suddenly, I had this intuition based trick to solve colic.

All of parenting has been like that. Like I know what to do if I stop and listen to that little voice. If I know, that I well... know.

Modern society squashes this. It establishes authorities and experts on these basic things that all of us are biologically programmed to do. Parent, love, eat, sleep, move our bodies, even breathe.

I was taught to not listen to that inner voice, but to rely on these authorities to tell me how to do the most basic of things, the things that are what life is truly about.

I found myself thinking on this due to a blog that's comments were about good and evil. An overly opinionated Modern Satinist decided to say that revenge killings are wrong and the state should handle this. Ankle bracelets and psychological treatment for dross!!

Nah, that's the kind of bullshit that goes against any logical reasoning I can find. I was given a set of creatures I love and will do anything to protect and nurture. While the "nurture " side is still considered societally acceptable, the protection aspect is ignored. How many women do you know that could, would, or even knows how to protect themselves? How many women that could would, or even know how to protect their young.

A human being is a two legged predator. It's a known fact. Society has domesticated us. However, hidden, whispering through everyone's subconscious is the knowledge of what they really are. Something vicious, terrifying, horrible, and somehow, indescribably beautiful.

Anyway, as the thread continued, the parents participating, "got it. " Even an ooey, soft and gooey new ager wrote "If somebody fucks with my babies, they better hope the pigs get them first. " Right on, that's what I want to cultivate within myself.

That emotional tone, that wordless, intuitive, I will kill for the ones I love, whore myself out for the ones I love, steal for the ones I love, no price is to great, no sacrifice to much to bear. That extends to myself first and than bleeds out to cover in differing amounts my people, the people I consider my tribe.

See, that is to me the "spiritual " or mindspace place. The emotional element. Next comes "drawing it down. " Doing things to manifest that in me, my body and my life. Testing myself to see where the line exists, developing the skills to make it a reality.

I have no personal use for the tattered representations of womanhood and motherhood that most occult schools have. Focusing on the nurturing aspects while denying that women are predators, killers in their own right. This is why I love Baphomet as an archetype, as the representation of the woman I want to become.

There has to come a point when a woman acts on that woman's intuition, become in the physical, that undercurrent that whispers in our minds. Manifest it, rather than just talk about it. Lose the abstractions that hide that true nature.

Nothing will ever be as misunderstood, evil, or maligned in a patriarchal society as woman. That's why an embracing of the True Feminine, the Sinister Feminine is essential in this time period, in an era of a broken Religious God, replaced by a society,it's Government and status quo memes.

FS3.0

What I Search For....

Since society has become Patriarchial, women and the Feminine Archetypes have been infected. Distorted by what society, the status quo wanted women to be. This distortion, this misapprehension still exists today.

It's what I and other women like me have to fight against. Most women simply continue to perpetuate these archetypes. They never concept their own nature, so they conform to those boxes. The mother who does it all, throws away her sexuality in favor of a full time job, soccer practice and making a house to rival Martha Stewart. A career woman denies her natural instinct to reprouce for spreadsheets. It's everywhere and these Magian ideals are spread to the next generation of girls. Women are the biggest enemy of true Freedom, of Empathic understanding of the Femiinine.

I do not know a single woman in real life that takes self defense seriously. That views the knowledge of how to defend and protect herself and her own young as important. I have sacrificed being thin and hot in favor of this ideal. My arms now have definition, but have horribly ugly feet with callouses and blisters. My hands have blisters and callouses. I have bruises, cuts, scars, etc. I feel MORE beautiful now. Like I am finally hitting close to what Motherhood should be, like I am closer to the True (Sinister) Feminine.

I call it the True Feminine for a reason. They don't get to tell me what Motherhood is. There is something raw, dark, visceral, and evil to womankind. Misunderstood by most, misappopriated continuously. According to Judeo Christian memes women are not only the root of all Evil, but no better than chattel. I think it's due to something unspoken: Women perpetuate culture. They mold and shape the next generation minds. To control woman is to control the minds of the youth.

Fuck you're Magian ideals, you're interpretations of Femininity. I seek what lies beneath, the inner power that can never truly be oppressed.

I Am A Nation.....

s my friends say, "A Sister is worth an army." One female Niner aeonically is an entire nation. In the sense that she gives birth to daughters who give birth to daughters and so on. It is the mother that passes human language and human culture down to the next generation ((her children)). It is the mother that gives birth to the next generation of leaders and warriors. Shugz

I don't really consider myself a Niner (I'm looking into the ONA, atm), but they talk of the substance enough that I understand this means Satanist. I had a pretty big realization over reading this. It whispered to me the importance of motherhood and raising a new generation is.

I am in essence Immortal. I have passed down a genetic legacy that could potentially never end. Generation after generation moving forward and being better than the last. How I raise my kids, how I teach them, if I nurture the qualities of critical thinking, individuality, and resisting societies memetics is my main goal. It can literally change the world over time. Give it a hundred years, one thousand years, and I could help change the way humanity itself operates. It can bring down society in a more subversive and lasting way.

If I am self confident, strong, empowered, physically active, etc. I can by example alone create other women that are the same. I have to improve myself and be more than the other women in my family. A mother is a child's first God. No matter what happens, girls especially will pattern themselves after former generations in their family. By going back to school for example (a selfish goal), I have taught my daughters that education is the most important thing in the world. That it's never to late to improve yourself.

If other women resonate with what I say, and look into Satanism (if they are of the substance), I have created another nation. I have actually got 4 messages from women on SIN that have said something to that effect. "What you wrote, spoke to me so I read TSB, it feels like Anton Lavey is writing about me.", " I always thought I was my own God, after reading your blog I know why.", "Thanks for charting your journey, it lets me know that I'm on the right track." I created four nations potentially. That's the most powerful thing I can do.

I don't log on or participate in these sites for any reason other than selfish ones. I want to improve my own philosophical grounding, I enjoy it, it's fun, etc. While I was doing a completely selfish thing, I have haphazardly and without knowing done a larger thing. I have built a better nation, and I am making more. Just by doing what I want (need) to do.

I am a big fan of LaVey but I didn't have that realization from reading his work. The idea of aeonics, that by being a mother, I am literally creating a better humanity, if I do my job right. That my true power, lies in the fact that I have produced and am nurturing life. That is the best realization I have ever had.

I am a nation. I can build more nations by doing a selfish act.