The Urban Jungle

In my life I have done a lot of things, lived in a lot of different places. When I was a kid we were poor. I grew up in bad neighborhoods, trailer parks, and the projects. Than I grew up, seized the American dream and got out.

What happens when an individual realizes they bought a lie? That their achievements are ths ones of "those other guys"? Well if they are a person of action, they get a new dream. So, I sold my house and am living as inexpensively as possible. The goal is to eventually become nomadic.

So, I am back in the urban jungle. Funny thing is as an adult I am terrified. Scared I'll get shot, scared I'll be robbed, injured, etc. The first day someone asked me if I wanted to make some extra money. Took me a few seconds to figure out he thought I was a crackwhore. Lol, in the suburbs I was an attractive housewife and the rumor was I had an eating disorder.
Had a crackhead knock on the door today and offer me crack. Put his foot in the door so I wouldn't shut it. I was terrified, I felt helpless. After a crying fit, after mentally deciding I was going back to my house, after the list of justifications ran through my mind to end this experiment, I realized something. I know how to deal with this shit. I grew up in these kinds of situations.

I have become conditioned to a "safe" environment. Living that way has made me weak. I have inside me an ability to endure shit most people would go insane from. Harnessing that inner strength, remembering the fact that humans are horrible creatures is what I need to do now.

Egalatarianism Is Bullshit.

Nothing is created equal. No person, no thought, no idea, no worldview is equal to another. Never has been and never will be. This idea that we are all Super SpecialSnowflakes is a justification of the weak. A way to hold on to the idea that YOU are somehow special, somehow perfect.

Most hold onto this idea for one reason: fear. The crawling fear that whispers in the back of your head that you are less than others. That your ideas suck, that you're less intelligent, that your worldview would crumble under scrutiny. The ugly truth is that voice is right.
You're worldview is built on quicksand and will crumble upon inspection. You're ideas do suck and you are less intelligent than others. All of us have people that are superior in some way to us in the pecking order of the world.

Part of letting go of egalatarianism is realizing you have weaknesses. Things you need to improve on, holes in your logic, gaps in your knowledge. I view any weakness i find in myself an opportunity advancement, something new to learn. When the glaring gaps in my logic are pointed out, i am grateful. It gives me an opportunity to become stronger, to become one of the mighty.

As long as one believes "all is equal", the longer they live a life of weakness, clinging to an unwillingness to learn. This stunts one's growth on the LHP. I should know. I am a recovering egalatarian.

Time Changes You (a response to Mabuzi)

Over at MySatan, Mr. Dread asked Mabuzi a few basic questions about his views on Apotheosis. Now, I didn't have a clue what it meant or why some long dead languages wordwas being brought up. Anyway, he said babies were at that state. Whut?

A baby is almost free of memes, I will agree with that. The mother as she raises a child builds a memeplex for them, through interaction, through the use of language, through example. It's all abstractions, built over a child's essence.

Now as we get older, abstractions are added, taken away, burned in the fire that is life. Everyone evolves, becomes someone else as the years go on. I am not the same person I was two years ago, or even six months ago. That's normal, every person goes through this.

The thing that irks me about Mabuzi's statement is as you age, you know more, due to experience. You are closer to Apotheosis, the closer you get to death,under his understanding of the term. You can't stop learning. You can hide from the lessons, refuse to embrace the evolution of aging but it still occurs.

One who is on the LHP, is choosing how to evolve personally, by putting themselves through antimonian experiences. Cultivating a deliberate, controlled version of personal volution.

You Must Learn to Crawl, Before You Learn To Walk..

I read posts by wannabe revolutionaries all the time and think the title of this blog.Dreams of utopias, perfect societies, perfect governments and the like. It all sounds good on paper.

I don't do this at all. I don't need or want a perfect world. I want my own existence 2o be in line with my praxis. I have a laser focus on learning how to survive and thriive without the system. As i learn these things the culture i am passing down to my children changes. It becomes about personal responsibility, i lose my deependency on the system, so my trix {;)} do to.

This is the best way to change things in my opinion. Fight back, traangress, lose one's own dependency on the system. Set an example, show an alternative to having the systm's cock shoved down your throat. Someone may be inspired to do the same. If not, fuck it. You are free.

The Third Self

Mr. Dread wrote an excellent blog on the self called The Adversary to the Adversary. That blog got me thinking about the other self, the third self. This is a mindbaby off sorts, created from reading that blog. After careful deliberation, i am letting the Dreadisms and way my first draft imitated his writing stand.

There are three yous. The way you view yourself, the real you, and the way others see you. Most people ignore this third self. Pretend it doesn't exist. However when battling the Adversary, the way you percieve yourself, the third self can be an ally. A causal abstraction you can set against the causal abstraction you have created of yourself.

The third self has it's own abstractions attached to it. Others emotional attachement, sexual attraction, percieved rivalry, dislike,hatred, etc. It is easy to discount this third self due to that but it lacks YOUR abstractions placed upon it. The third self is built through interaction with others, what you project in a social situation. If a person is part of your tribe, family so to speak, their assessment of who you are, the third self may be more accurate than the way you percieve yourself. So, look the third self, that loathsome creature in the face. You may find causal abstractions you didn't know were there.

The Cost of Personal Progress

I came to the LHP a fairly good, nice person. Egalitarian (everybody has strengths and weaknesses), the kind of person most people want in the world. Somehow along the way I shattered that girl . That personality I manifested was an abstraction. A manifestation of well mundanity. I had accepted what society said was good and evil.

Than I started actually walking the path, doing Satanism. I exited the doorway, the LaVeyan mindset and looked beyond it. Started reading Long heavily. Realized I was a joke of an Adversary. Here's the ugly truth, I rarely see talked about: large portions of my personality wweren't real. Entire portions of my worldview were a lie. When you break those, you feel mentally shattered, like you are killing off the best parts of you.

Moments that make me wonder if I continue, will I go insane? What will the cost for this ultimately be? I am unable to relate to the average person. I hold a few people very close to ny heart. The ones who I know intuitively are like me. Otherwise, I detest the inanity of their actions, their words, their society. They don't see what's important, the inner power they have.

It makes me feel disconnected. Hardened by having seen a piece of the truth. I have lost a part of me that was innocent, hopeful, and had faith in humanity.

Fighting Back 3: Needs

A human being needs three things to live: food, water and shelter. That's it. Western society does a funny thing to it's citizens. It creates a false set of needs, while obscuring those three basics. They are assumed to be there rather than needing to be worked for. This ultimately makes the people who inhabit this society weak, completely dependent upon the "system" to provide these three basics. It's the ultimate in slavery, forced dependency for those three things.

We perceive needs from a false perspective most of the time. We NEED the latest gadget. We NEED the latest fashion item. We NEED to go to that concert. We NEED e;ectricity. The list goen on forever. Consumerism is not a need. It's a series of wants, wrapped up in what is societally acceptable. The comfort Western society gives it's citizens is an anomaly. The truth is that comfort, the delusion that the way we live is normal, is the biggest causal abstraction of all.

If it all goes away tommorrow, most Westerners are fucked. How may people actually know how to provide those basic needs without them being "piped in" ir store bought? Can you produce your own food? Make your own shelter? Find usable water?

These are the questions that have filled my mind for a while now. They are a piece of the road that led to Satanism. Society is categorically fucked, I hate my own dependency on it. I have small children, my own Aeonic legacy to maintain and protect. How can I protect them from the inevitable? How do I ensure that they survive? How do I teach them to survive, when I was never taught?

This is a main part of my praxis and becomes moreso everyday. Fuck esoteric knowledge and thinking deep, free thoughts. I need to learn how to sew, how to weave, how to quilt. I need to be able to make clothing if necessary. I have to learn how to defend myself and my children. I need to know how to hunt, how to farm, how to dig a well, how to make weapons.

I spent the day Friday learning to make ammunition. I was both terrified I would blow myself up and excited to use my own hand made bullets. Most peopole don't see this kinda shit as Satanic. To me, it's the most important part. How is an individual going to drop those societal memes, while knowing in the back of their heads, they are absolutely dependant on it for survival?

I want to know that when the shit hits the fan I'm prepared. To lose my dependency on somrthing that doesn't really exist and is well..... doomed. Most importantly I have to teach my children the same, to be self reliant. This is my current "place" for what it's worth (Beast did ask, so here it is). Preparing to fight back, before it's to late. Becoming a Lioness, instead of a sheep ready for slaughter.