These inner demons kick at you, punch you, fight you, berate you, insult you, they tear you down from the inside out. That voice that says you aren't good enough, those things in your life saying you haven't done enough, are designed to stop you, to make you quit. To make you scream in frustration at the fact that no matter how hard you try you don't control anything but yourself.
Worthless, vapid, stupid, just a woman, a tool to be used to advance your own agenda. That's all I am to everyone else most of the time. And I know it. I know it's why this person and that person has done the things they have done to me, why they have said the things they have to me, or about me when they thought I wouldn't hear, that it wouldn't get back to me.
How do I know this? Because I treat you the same exact way. I just cover it up and justify it by saying I am not as bad as they are. That I am less manipulative, that I don't view people as a stereotype. It's bullshit, the reason I hate you is the reason I hate myself. Because I am human and the dark side of humanity, the demon within all of us makes me a disgusting, cruel creature, capable of atrocities beyond the scope that the human mind can process.
Lying, cheating, stealing, manipulating, covering it up in justifications that make myself a good person, the kind of person someone else would actually want to be around. But, I'm not and neither are you.
Do you fear that side of yourself? You fucking should. Do you fear that side of me or others you encounter? You should.
Get fucking paranoid, look around you and realize the people you care about the most are probably using you for their own gain. Get fucking proud and refuse to be used by others any longer. Get fucking real, quit crying in the corner and say to yourself, I am going to use them just as well as they use me. Quit giving a damn about what others think. Carve your own motherfucking path and to Hell with what your parents say, people you respect say, your friends say, your partner says, your conscience screams. They are all trying to stop you from getting real. They are all trying to stop you from living your own truth. YOU are stopping you at this very moment from facing what true freedom is and can be.
Demons don't dream, they don't sit around and talk about what they are going to do. Demons do.
Monday, February 18, 2013
Friday, January 25, 2013
Feminism And Satanism
Feminism is defined by Mirriam Webster as the theory of political, economic and social equality of the sexes. There's nothing more to it than that definition. There is a common theme that I see LHPers hit when it comes to Feminism, they bring up the Femi-Nazi and then declare themselves a Non-Feminist. The question a Satanist woman should ask themselves is do women deserve political, economic and social equality? If the answer is yes, congratulations you are a Feminist.
Nowhere in that definition does it say women are superior to men, the same as men (equality is not sameness), or any of the common misconceptions I see when it comes to Feminism. So where does the flannel wearing, man hating feminist come from?
The answer to that is a complex one. Modern Society is based on Maleness, it's a Patriarchy. Due to this being a Patriarchal society, femaleness and what is considered woman has become defined by men, not women. Like anything else, men don't truly understand what it is to be woman, anymore than I understand what it is to be a man. As a result of what is woman being defined by men, the average woman has decided in order to be equal to a man, they have to be exactly like a man.
This is where I call bullshit on the majority of Feminist thought. I have no desire to be a man. I like being a woman, I like the mystery, the intrigue that surrounds women in general. I like things that are considered girly. I am more empathetic than most of my male counterparts. I am more emotional than most of my male counterparts. I have no desire to change those things about me.
So I sit in a sea of dos and don'ts, be this way, don't be this way, day in and day out. When you add Satanism a male dominated school of thought, one could say why bother? Why even use that label? Say fuck it and go call yourself a Lilithist. Say fuck it to all of these men constantly acting in a predatory nature upon you and other women. The average Satanist doesn't seem to respect women anymore than the average citizen of society does.
Why bother? Simple. Satanism is a Warrior's Ethos. Female Warriors have been around since the dawn of time. Mythology gives us a number of examples. History points to entire cultures where Female Warriors were hailed, venerated and common. It simply isn't now. The Female Warrior had died out as an archetype. That's the essence of the problem that a Female Satanist faces when building her own paradigm. A lack of models, a lack of Modern Archetypes that show what the Hell she is.
As my understanding of Satanism has grown I have discovered that the enemy (all Warriors have a good villain to fight.) is the Patriarchal values that permeate our culture, the same ones that permeate my own mind. It's not Jehova, it's not Theism, it's not Christianity, it's the very fabric of our culture that needs to be fought against.
How do you fight that? The first one for me was to take by womanhood from everyone else told me it was and define it for myself. To take back the power of those Archetypes and create one that was worthy in my own mind. Can a woman be both fierce and emotional? Why not? Can a woman be both a good mother and someone who actively fights day in and day out? Absolutely? Can a woman be sexually free and heterosexual and monogamous? Why not?
This is where Feminism fits into my paradigm. I see it as a perfectly acceptable way to fight these ideas that have oppressed both sexes. It's a great way to fight for the things that matter to me, which is equality for both sexes, a reinterpretation of what woman is bursting forth and changing the way woman is viewed forever.
My name is FemaleSatan and I am a Feminist.
Nowhere in that definition does it say women are superior to men, the same as men (equality is not sameness), or any of the common misconceptions I see when it comes to Feminism. So where does the flannel wearing, man hating feminist come from?
The answer to that is a complex one. Modern Society is based on Maleness, it's a Patriarchy. Due to this being a Patriarchal society, femaleness and what is considered woman has become defined by men, not women. Like anything else, men don't truly understand what it is to be woman, anymore than I understand what it is to be a man. As a result of what is woman being defined by men, the average woman has decided in order to be equal to a man, they have to be exactly like a man.
This is where I call bullshit on the majority of Feminist thought. I have no desire to be a man. I like being a woman, I like the mystery, the intrigue that surrounds women in general. I like things that are considered girly. I am more empathetic than most of my male counterparts. I am more emotional than most of my male counterparts. I have no desire to change those things about me.
So I sit in a sea of dos and don'ts, be this way, don't be this way, day in and day out. When you add Satanism a male dominated school of thought, one could say why bother? Why even use that label? Say fuck it and go call yourself a Lilithist. Say fuck it to all of these men constantly acting in a predatory nature upon you and other women. The average Satanist doesn't seem to respect women anymore than the average citizen of society does.
Why bother? Simple. Satanism is a Warrior's Ethos. Female Warriors have been around since the dawn of time. Mythology gives us a number of examples. History points to entire cultures where Female Warriors were hailed, venerated and common. It simply isn't now. The Female Warrior had died out as an archetype. That's the essence of the problem that a Female Satanist faces when building her own paradigm. A lack of models, a lack of Modern Archetypes that show what the Hell she is.
As my understanding of Satanism has grown I have discovered that the enemy (all Warriors have a good villain to fight.) is the Patriarchal values that permeate our culture, the same ones that permeate my own mind. It's not Jehova, it's not Theism, it's not Christianity, it's the very fabric of our culture that needs to be fought against.
How do you fight that? The first one for me was to take by womanhood from everyone else told me it was and define it for myself. To take back the power of those Archetypes and create one that was worthy in my own mind. Can a woman be both fierce and emotional? Why not? Can a woman be both a good mother and someone who actively fights day in and day out? Absolutely? Can a woman be sexually free and heterosexual and monogamous? Why not?
This is where Feminism fits into my paradigm. I see it as a perfectly acceptable way to fight these ideas that have oppressed both sexes. It's a great way to fight for the things that matter to me, which is equality for both sexes, a reinterpretation of what woman is bursting forth and changing the way woman is viewed forever.
My name is FemaleSatan and I am a Feminist.
Friday, January 11, 2013
That's When A Smoke Was A Smoke..
and groovin' was groovin',
dancing was everything, we were young and we were improving. - John Mellancamp
This song is about the days when you were young, when you didn't know shit about the World. It resonates with me at this moment because I have come into contact with some of the people from a time period in my life that was just that. What I find remarkable is the differences and similarities between each person then and now.
I was an orange haired stripper with a "band" called Bludstan (bloodstain). A punk/metal fushion outfit. We were awful, the only redeeming thing about that band was that we stopped making people's ears bleed by playing the garbage that had been written by us.
My husband was my boyfriend. He hung out with a different band called Hoar. He was their songwriter, any day they were going to get a record deal, no really Road Runner records was interested. He spent most of his time smoking pot and playing video games. Now he runs his own small business, doesn't write at all, rarely plays video games, has four children and a wife.
His best friend S was so fucking talented. He was the producer of the band, he was a working producer, had a job on Music Row doing that. He produced rap bands, rock bands, hell anything. He could play the bass, guitar, keyboards, and drums. He also wrote music. Today, he's getting his degree in finance, he's going to be a college professor. He doesn't really play music at all. It makes me sad to see him all grown up, so much talent, wasted.
There were two twin brothers as well. They were the main players behind Hoar. The sad thing is this, they are a snap shot into the past. They are still, 12 years later waiting for that record deal to manifest. They still dress the same, look the same, talk the same, there's been no change whatsoever.
It's an odd thing to look back on those that you knew a long ass time ago. When you were young, stupid and full of dreams. It reminds you of who you were before you really started living, who you were before the kids, the marriage, the knocks of life had changed you, made you grow the fuck up.
I don't think 'gah those times were great', I think 'what the hell was I thinking'. I thought I knew everything about the World and I was simply a child. I was so optimistic back then, so full of hope, so full of dreams.
I do miss the music. I miss making it, I miss being an active part of that subculture. Guess that means I should add that to my already busy life. Do some grooving again, let go of the rest for just a little while. A part of me hesitates because I am not optimistic anymore, I understand that my skill level rests just above non-existent and right in the suck range.
dancing was everything, we were young and we were improving. - John Mellancamp
This song is about the days when you were young, when you didn't know shit about the World. It resonates with me at this moment because I have come into contact with some of the people from a time period in my life that was just that. What I find remarkable is the differences and similarities between each person then and now.
I was an orange haired stripper with a "band" called Bludstan (bloodstain). A punk/metal fushion outfit. We were awful, the only redeeming thing about that band was that we stopped making people's ears bleed by playing the garbage that had been written by us.
My husband was my boyfriend. He hung out with a different band called Hoar. He was their songwriter, any day they were going to get a record deal, no really Road Runner records was interested. He spent most of his time smoking pot and playing video games. Now he runs his own small business, doesn't write at all, rarely plays video games, has four children and a wife.
His best friend S was so fucking talented. He was the producer of the band, he was a working producer, had a job on Music Row doing that. He produced rap bands, rock bands, hell anything. He could play the bass, guitar, keyboards, and drums. He also wrote music. Today, he's getting his degree in finance, he's going to be a college professor. He doesn't really play music at all. It makes me sad to see him all grown up, so much talent, wasted.
There were two twin brothers as well. They were the main players behind Hoar. The sad thing is this, they are a snap shot into the past. They are still, 12 years later waiting for that record deal to manifest. They still dress the same, look the same, talk the same, there's been no change whatsoever.
It's an odd thing to look back on those that you knew a long ass time ago. When you were young, stupid and full of dreams. It reminds you of who you were before you really started living, who you were before the kids, the marriage, the knocks of life had changed you, made you grow the fuck up.
I don't think 'gah those times were great', I think 'what the hell was I thinking'. I thought I knew everything about the World and I was simply a child. I was so optimistic back then, so full of hope, so full of dreams.
I do miss the music. I miss making it, I miss being an active part of that subculture. Guess that means I should add that to my already busy life. Do some grooving again, let go of the rest for just a little while. A part of me hesitates because I am not optimistic anymore, I understand that my skill level rests just above non-existent and right in the suck range.
Friday, December 21, 2012
Rejection Therapy
Fear is like a pack of dogs- it chases us, and if we try to run or hide from it the dogs will continue their chase until finally, exhausted we fall and are devoured. - Gerry Spence
In life few things are more feared then rejection. It ranks up there with fear of public speaking, heights, spiders and other numerous things that go bump in the night for the human psyche.
Now I like anything that says take action against these fears, it's a mode of operation for me. I fear it, I will fucking conquer it. Enter rejection therapy, something I find utterly fascinating.
It's basically a game you play with yourself. You resolve to do something to get rejected once a day. The end result being you conquer your fear of rejection. There are cards, apps, etc to give you a jumping off point on things to do daily to get rejected. I would say just go into sales and your rejection card will get filled up real fast, but I guess that misses the point or something. ;)
There is a guy on Youtube that is covering his journey through this form of therapy. The results are hilarious, enlightening, and show a glimpse of humanity doing what humanity does.
http://www.youtube.com/user/DukieAjah?feature=watch
Now I was wondering other people's thoughts on this. Have you ever tried something like this yourself?
I have in the past, but I did it for different reasons.
Saturday, December 1, 2012
Power
I have a friend who is a well.... jackass. There is a homeless woman who hangs out at a McDonald's that I frequent. I like their coffee. Anyway, one of the regulars that comes in there bought her a coat and put a 20 dollar bill in the pocket for her.
My friend proceeds to go the fuck off over this. Says he's going to go to the owners of the McDonald's, accuse her of prostitution and get her thrown out. While he's going off, I said, "This is not cool. She didn't do anything to be banned over."
He says, "Put my six years of coming in here up against your three months and see who stays and goes."
Wait what? Your exerting your McDonald's power over me? So I shot off an email to the owners notifying them that this asshat was digging cups out of their garbage, never bought anything, screams shit at their customers like, "I wish you would die in a car accident", and that this homeless woman was not a prostitute.
The whole incident got me thinking about power and how often we cling to power that is worthless. I have been guilty of this myself. Thinking that some power I had been given somehow made me more that I really am.
What would power that actually matters look like? You can be the King or Queen of the McDonald's and have a life that is essentially worthless. You can be leaving no mark on history whatsoever and be tied up in the power you have at your job. Will other people give a shit when you die?
All of us swim in a sea of ideas that are commonly accepted. All of us have thoughts in our head that aren't really our own. Isn't the most powerful thing one can do is recognize that and attempt to root that shit out? Power should be a personal thing and have everything to do with actually exerting control over yourself.
That may sound easy but it isn't because of the thoughts all of us have that aren't questioned, because of the commonly accepted truths all of us hold dear. I recently learned that people don't treat you how you treat them. You do nice things for others and you get viewed as a mark, not a person that should be treated well.
It's a dawning realization because "Do as to others as you would have them do unto you", is such a commonly accepted concept. I have always kind of bought the idea.
Truly having power is testing these things to see what holds up.
My friend proceeds to go the fuck off over this. Says he's going to go to the owners of the McDonald's, accuse her of prostitution and get her thrown out. While he's going off, I said, "This is not cool. She didn't do anything to be banned over."
He says, "Put my six years of coming in here up against your three months and see who stays and goes."
Wait what? Your exerting your McDonald's power over me? So I shot off an email to the owners notifying them that this asshat was digging cups out of their garbage, never bought anything, screams shit at their customers like, "I wish you would die in a car accident", and that this homeless woman was not a prostitute.
The whole incident got me thinking about power and how often we cling to power that is worthless. I have been guilty of this myself. Thinking that some power I had been given somehow made me more that I really am.
What would power that actually matters look like? You can be the King or Queen of the McDonald's and have a life that is essentially worthless. You can be leaving no mark on history whatsoever and be tied up in the power you have at your job. Will other people give a shit when you die?
All of us swim in a sea of ideas that are commonly accepted. All of us have thoughts in our head that aren't really our own. Isn't the most powerful thing one can do is recognize that and attempt to root that shit out? Power should be a personal thing and have everything to do with actually exerting control over yourself.
That may sound easy but it isn't because of the thoughts all of us have that aren't questioned, because of the commonly accepted truths all of us hold dear. I recently learned that people don't treat you how you treat them. You do nice things for others and you get viewed as a mark, not a person that should be treated well.
It's a dawning realization because "Do as to others as you would have them do unto you", is such a commonly accepted concept. I have always kind of bought the idea.
Truly having power is testing these things to see what holds up.
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
Meet Mike
My husband (and me) have a new friend. A crotchety old man who is 60. His name is Mike and he is awesome. Here are some quotes from him so you 'get' why:
I am a Commie, Atheist, Jew hating, nigger hating, spic hating fuck 'em all.
Jesus killed more people than Charles Manson. Read the bible, it's in there.
Why the fuck should I care? I'm old.
I want them to hit me. I will either die or sue them. (when he is standing in the middle of the road)
Old bitch.
Fat bitch.
Ugly motherfucker.
When I die I am going to be standing on the left side of Satan saying, 'that's right torture that motherfucker more. He went to church every Sunday.'
Of course I fleece churches it's what they're there for.
I'm in Hell.
I look like I'm dead. Women my age look worse. I have no choice but to be a pedophile. Old women are disgusting to look at. Could you imagine fucking one?
I tell those young fuckers hit me, you'll just get an extra charge.
I can't reason with that guy I'll just start screaming fuck you at him. That's why I asked Set to talk to him.
What's wrong with me? G. asked me if I feel any guilt about what I do and I said no. Why the fuck would I?
Look there's no cameras in that part of Kroger. All I gotta do is walk in, grab the Caramel cake and walk out. That security lady couldn't keep up with me.
I want her to puke in a cup and I will drink it. That's love right there.
I wonder if J's parents (she's 17) would rent her out to me. I won't do anything, I'm a gentleman.
It's like there's angel Mike on my left shoulder and Devil Mike on my right shoulder. The problem is Angel Mike is a pussy and Devil Mike's ideas make more sense.
I am a Commie, Atheist, Jew hating, nigger hating, spic hating fuck 'em all.
Jesus killed more people than Charles Manson. Read the bible, it's in there.
Why the fuck should I care? I'm old.
I want them to hit me. I will either die or sue them. (when he is standing in the middle of the road)
Old bitch.
Fat bitch.
Ugly motherfucker.
When I die I am going to be standing on the left side of Satan saying, 'that's right torture that motherfucker more. He went to church every Sunday.'
Of course I fleece churches it's what they're there for.
I'm in Hell.
I look like I'm dead. Women my age look worse. I have no choice but to be a pedophile. Old women are disgusting to look at. Could you imagine fucking one?
I tell those young fuckers hit me, you'll just get an extra charge.
I can't reason with that guy I'll just start screaming fuck you at him. That's why I asked Set to talk to him.
What's wrong with me? G. asked me if I feel any guilt about what I do and I said no. Why the fuck would I?
Look there's no cameras in that part of Kroger. All I gotta do is walk in, grab the Caramel cake and walk out. That security lady couldn't keep up with me.
I want her to puke in a cup and I will drink it. That's love right there.
I wonder if J's parents (she's 17) would rent her out to me. I won't do anything, I'm a gentleman.
It's like there's angel Mike on my left shoulder and Devil Mike on my right shoulder. The problem is Angel Mike is a pussy and Devil Mike's ideas make more sense.
Friday, November 9, 2012
Political Rant #154738231
So an election has come to a close, Obama has won and all of America is holding hands... oops I mean more divided than EVER.
Whole thing makes me sick to my stomach on both ends, watching both parties. Funny thing people who voted for Obama, you are celebrating another person's victory, you are celebrating another person's success and claiming it as your own. Republicans, same thing to you, you are mourning another man's loss, another man's defeat. The only people that should be celebrating or whining are Obama and Romney.
Does the whole political machine effect me? Fuck yeah. Does the fact that Obama won a second term primarily by using white guilt and handouts to get votes piss me the Hell off? Yep. Am I worried about the future of my country now? You bet your ass I am.
But....
Nobody is addressing the real issues America faces. Nobody is the fix or the solution to the problems America faces. I heard a talk radio host say that if Romney had been elected America would have fell of the financial cliff in 5 to 8 years with Obama he gives it 2 to 4. Yeah pretty much.
Nobody wants to talk about shit like the Federal Reserve. Nobody wants to admit a single truth and one that defines a large part of my political stance, I didn't wake up in a country that even remotely resembles the shit that was laid out in the Constitution. I wasn't born into a Country that remotely resemble the blueprint the Founding Fathers gave. I highly doubt I ever will.
They use these words to beat you into submission. Freedom, Liberty, Justice, Hope and Change. Freedom is not handed out by ANY Government, it's fought for and it's Individual. That one word pisses me the Hell off as most people use it. It's been redefined to mean, "Freedom as long as the other person agrees with me, and tows the line the Government has given them."
Fuck that. Fuck you if you buy into the idea that the USA has done anything other than steal your freedoms from you at a wholesale level. Fuck you if you think all would of been better if Romney had been elected. Fuck you if you think Obama is some kind of fucking savior.
It's a goddamn shell game, a method of distraction so you don't see the simple truth: you don't live in a country even remotely resembling what the constitution laid out. What happened to States Rights? I should be able to say, "Fuck these pansy ass liberals" and move somewhere that is inline with what I believe, what I feel my own community should be like. Why, beyond the Constitution does a Federal Contract exist in the first place? Do you even ask yourself questions like this? I do.
Did I vote? Hell yeah I don't want my Great Grandmother to haunt my ass. ;) She lived through women getting the right to vote and had a real fear that is women didn't vote, the Government would take that right away. So... I vote for that reason alone. I do think that what happens on a local level matters more than who sits on the fucking throne, oops I mean who is 'elected' President.
I do love MY country. I don't love the fucking bullshit nanny state I was born into. When I read the Constitution, letters that the Founding Fathers have written, etc I want to live THERE. THAT Country sounds cool as fuck. It would be kinda like organized social anarchy. But this shit that America is right now, don't make me fucking laugh.
All of you are joke and make me ashamed to be an American. You tow the line but don't try to break it. You want Freedom but only as your politicians say you should have. You don't fight for those three little words that are the very essence of what this country is supposed to represent, Freedom, Liberty and Justice.
If your vote counts why does the fucking Electoral College exist to begin with? The Electoral College effectively takes out ANY chance a third party candidate has of making it into office. You just voted in another puppet and think you exercised a Freedom.
FS
Whole thing makes me sick to my stomach on both ends, watching both parties. Funny thing people who voted for Obama, you are celebrating another person's victory, you are celebrating another person's success and claiming it as your own. Republicans, same thing to you, you are mourning another man's loss, another man's defeat. The only people that should be celebrating or whining are Obama and Romney.
Does the whole political machine effect me? Fuck yeah. Does the fact that Obama won a second term primarily by using white guilt and handouts to get votes piss me the Hell off? Yep. Am I worried about the future of my country now? You bet your ass I am.
But....
Nobody is addressing the real issues America faces. Nobody is the fix or the solution to the problems America faces. I heard a talk radio host say that if Romney had been elected America would have fell of the financial cliff in 5 to 8 years with Obama he gives it 2 to 4. Yeah pretty much.
Nobody wants to talk about shit like the Federal Reserve. Nobody wants to admit a single truth and one that defines a large part of my political stance, I didn't wake up in a country that even remotely resembles the shit that was laid out in the Constitution. I wasn't born into a Country that remotely resemble the blueprint the Founding Fathers gave. I highly doubt I ever will.
They use these words to beat you into submission. Freedom, Liberty, Justice, Hope and Change. Freedom is not handed out by ANY Government, it's fought for and it's Individual. That one word pisses me the Hell off as most people use it. It's been redefined to mean, "Freedom as long as the other person agrees with me, and tows the line the Government has given them."
Fuck that. Fuck you if you buy into the idea that the USA has done anything other than steal your freedoms from you at a wholesale level. Fuck you if you think all would of been better if Romney had been elected. Fuck you if you think Obama is some kind of fucking savior.
It's a goddamn shell game, a method of distraction so you don't see the simple truth: you don't live in a country even remotely resembling what the constitution laid out. What happened to States Rights? I should be able to say, "Fuck these pansy ass liberals" and move somewhere that is inline with what I believe, what I feel my own community should be like. Why, beyond the Constitution does a Federal Contract exist in the first place? Do you even ask yourself questions like this? I do.
Did I vote? Hell yeah I don't want my Great Grandmother to haunt my ass. ;) She lived through women getting the right to vote and had a real fear that is women didn't vote, the Government would take that right away. So... I vote for that reason alone. I do think that what happens on a local level matters more than who sits on the fucking throne, oops I mean who is 'elected' President.
I do love MY country. I don't love the fucking bullshit nanny state I was born into. When I read the Constitution, letters that the Founding Fathers have written, etc I want to live THERE. THAT Country sounds cool as fuck. It would be kinda like organized social anarchy. But this shit that America is right now, don't make me fucking laugh.
All of you are joke and make me ashamed to be an American. You tow the line but don't try to break it. You want Freedom but only as your politicians say you should have. You don't fight for those three little words that are the very essence of what this country is supposed to represent, Freedom, Liberty and Justice.
If your vote counts why does the fucking Electoral College exist to begin with? The Electoral College effectively takes out ANY chance a third party candidate has of making it into office. You just voted in another puppet and think you exercised a Freedom.
FS
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