External Influences

How much of what I think, I believe, I do, is from my "core self" and how much of it is from external influences? How much personal fufillment am I deriving from these external influences? How much is the opinion of my critics, my peers affecting me? Do I really care what others think? What am I really doing when I post on the internet?   These are the questions that prompted my dissapearance.

 

  My own personal progress on the LHP, has always reminded me of the Tortiose and the Hare story. I'm the hare. I hit the LHP at a break neck speed running as fast as I can. Except I get tired or distracted, and stop progressing for time periods. Then I'm off again until the next distraction catches my attention. Rather than a slow and steady pace, my progress happens in a FAST/STOP manner. I want to change that about myself, come to a point where I make slow and steady progress on the path I am on. No distractions, keep my eye on the "end goal."  

 

  Beyond all that, publishing my own personal victories all the time feels to much like bragging or a way to derive  personal fufillment from external influences. That was never my intention. My intention was to walk the path, and publish my journey in order to inspire someone else to. Deriving a sense of personal accomplishment from the positive feedback was an intoxicating  side effect of that. One that caused me to get distracted, get stuck yet again.   Then there's the "masses" I deal with. Who's worthless opinions at times made me doubt myself, my journey. Made me question decisions made of resonance, of intuition. Why? I cared. I really did. I may of been talking the talk, but I was not walking the walk. I was deriving  a sense of personal fufillment from others, from being "popular."  

 

   So the question came down to SELF, to just ME. What I resonate with is apparent. My beliefs, my journey has  simply hardened, crystalized into a paradigm of resonance and intuition. At the end of the day what matters is how I live my life, what I do. The rest is meaningless casual abstractions, casting doubt on what I already know.