The Cost of Personal Progress

I came to the LHP a fairly good, nice person. Egalitarian (everybody has strengths and weaknesses), the kind of person most people want in the world. Somehow along the way I shattered that girl . That personality I manifested was an abstraction. A manifestation of well mundanity. I had accepted what society said was good and evil.

Than I started actually walking the path, doing Satanism. I exited the doorway, the LaVeyan mindset and looked beyond it. Started reading Long heavily. Realized I was a joke of an Adversary. Here's the ugly truth, I rarely see talked about: large portions of my personality wweren't real. Entire portions of my worldview were a lie. When you break those, you feel mentally shattered, like you are killing off the best parts of you.

Moments that make me wonder if I continue, will I go insane? What will the cost for this ultimately be? I am unable to relate to the average person. I hold a few people very close to ny heart. The ones who I know intuitively are like me. Otherwise, I detest the inanity of their actions, their words, their society. They don't see what's important, the inner power they have.

It makes me feel disconnected. Hardened by having seen a piece of the truth. I have lost a part of me that was innocent, hopeful, and had faith in humanity.