In my life I have done a lot of things, lived in a lot of different places. When I was a kid we were poor. I grew up in bad neighborhoods, trailer parks, and the projects. Than I grew up, seized the American dream and got out.
What happens when an individual realizes they bought a lie? That their achievements are ths ones of "those other guys"? Well if they are a person of action, they get a new dream. So, I sold my house and am living as inexpensively as possible. The goal is to eventually become nomadic.
So, I am back in the urban jungle. Funny thing is as an adult I am terrified. Scared I'll get shot, scared I'll be robbed, injured, etc. The first day someone asked me if I wanted to make some extra money. Took me a few seconds to figure out he thought I was a crackwhore. Lol, in the suburbs I was an attractive housewife and the rumor was I had an eating disorder.
Had a crackhead knock on the door today and offer me crack. Put his foot in the door so I wouldn't shut it. I was terrified, I felt helpless. After a crying fit, after mentally deciding I was going back to my house, after the list of justifications ran through my mind to end this experiment, I realized something. I know how to deal with this shit. I grew up in these kinds of situations.
I have become conditioned to a "safe" environment. Living that way has made me weak. I have inside me an ability to endure shit most people would go insane from. Harnessing that inner strength, remembering the fact that humans are horrible creatures is what I need to do now.
I think it is interesting that the only real difference between the people living in the city vs. in the suburbs is the veneer of civility. People are just as viscous, opportunistic, vane, and cruel in any living environment... there are simply no incentives in the city for hiding it (or, greater incentives for being honest about it). The "shock" you are discussing is not because you are ill-prepared, but because you are adjusting from one set of behavioral norms to another.
ReplyDeleteFrankly, I would prefer to always be aware that I swim with other sharks than to be in a pool of sharks pretending they are dolphins.
Stay viscous. The street-creatures will quickly figure it out... or the slow-learners will pay the price.
I think this is the reason why many people in developed jungles (nations) refused to come to africa, but to be factual, men are men, people are not different bcos of their environment, people are what they are anywhere, at all time. By the way, we have a blog, myself and friends from africa, we are asking many questions about satan, could u check it out and tell other about it whoissatang.blogspot.com
ReplyDelete